Do you ever feel like you are going crazy?

[KC but no sunshine band]

Good day everyone,

:coffee:

Do you ever feel like you are going crazy? I am totally serious. The last month or so, I have felt like I don't fit in, I can't stay with a job for any great length of time, I just feel as if I'm a misfit. This isn't exactly a new thing. I have felt this way for many years. It's just that these feelings have been extremely stronger than usual as of late. It seems as though my life is falling apart and everything is out of my control. I am trying to express this in a manner that isn't overly dramatic as I find sometimes that my mind tends to over exaggerate things. Things that most people would look at as a bump in the road become this insurmountable obstacle for me. I can end up in tears for days if it is something that leaves me feeling torn up inside. I have been reading the book, "Delivered from Distraction". I am really starting to think that I very well may be an undiagnosed case of ADD. I fit a lot of the criteria and it explains so many things. So, here's the question..... I know what to do for my difficult child but what do I do for me? How do I go about finding out a proper diagnosis? Who do I go see? A part of me doesn't want to know. I have been going on just fine for 45 years now, why bother? Then there's a part of me that says maybe knowing would resolve a lot and if treated, perhaps things would get better. I welcome any thoughts and suggestions on this. I don't want to feel like I'm going crazy anymore. Thanks for reading this and I hope it isn't too long.

Kathy

 

[JJJ]

I'd start with your family doctor. She should be able to diagnosis some of the more common issues that may be causing you to feel that way: anxiety disorder, ADHD, etc. or refer you to an adult psychiatrist.

Sorry you are having a rough time,

 

[I'm going crazy!!!]

I totally understand about the crying thing. Hate to ask this but have you been through the big M? If not it may be that and some simple hormones can help you get back in control and maybe even an anxiety medication if needed.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KC but no sunshine band</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I have been going on just fine for 45 years now, why bother? </div></div>
REALLY BECAUSE
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KC but no sunshine band</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The last month or so, I have felt like I don't fit in, I can't stay with a job for any great length of time, I just feel as if I'm a misfit. This isn't exactly a new thing. I have felt this way for many years. </div></div>
THAT'S NOT WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME

I will keep you in my prayers and PLEASE go see your doctor. Love ya

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((THE BIGGEST HUGS IN THE WORLD))))))))))))))))))))))


Welcome to my LIFE.

I never EVER thought I fit in. The social outcast of the world.

I thought that there was a secret that the WHOLE WORLD was in on, and someone forgot to clue me in on the joke.

If you can't get in to see a doctor soon enough, call a crisis center. They can get you in to see a psychiatrist who can start the ball rolling. Or call your health department.

Immediate prayers your way.

 

[Abbey]

If there is a train wreck...I'm in the lead. :hammer:

I didn't really have thoughts like this until my 40's. Maybe it's age, or maybe I'm being truthful now.

Hugs.

Abbey

 

[KC but no sunshine band]

I totally understand about the crying thing. Hate to ask this but have you been through the big M?

No and I have no idea what to expect from that as my mom didn't go through it naturally.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((THE BIGGEST HUGS IN THE WORLD))))))))))))))))))))))

I never EVER thought I fit in. The social outcast of the world.

I thought that there was a secret that the WHOLE WORLD was in on, and someone forgot to clue me in on the joke.

Kitty... you hit the nail on the head!

Thank you everyone for the prayers and support; it is much appreciated! (and more would be welcomed too)

 

[goldenguru]

I re-read your post twice. Here are the things that jump out at me.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KC but no sunshine band</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

Do you ever feel like you are going crazy?

I have felt like I don't fit in, I can't stay with a job for any great length of time, I just feel as if I'm a misfit.

It's just that these feelings have been extremely stronger than usual as of late.

It seems as though my life is falling apart and everything is out of my control.

Things that most people would look at as a bump in the road become this insurmountable obstacle for me.

I can end up in tears for days if it is something that leaves me feeling torn up inside.

I don't want to feel like I'm going crazy anymore.

</div></div>


ADD? Maybe. Depression? Maybe. Menopause? Maybe. A little bit of all three? Could be.

Solution? Talk to your doctor. Journal. Exercise. Take really good care of YOU.

I have felt like I was going crazy. My mom called it a nervous breakdown. I called it being crushed under the hard stuff of life.

I got on medications. I tried really hard to take control of the things that I could. I tried really hard to let go of the things that I could not control. It was (still is sometimes) really hard.

Hang in there.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

No answers or advice, but I'm holding good thoughts for you.

 

[totoro]

Not to make light of it but I am crazy!!! I come from a family of it... I tried hard to fight it.... but there it was. Always around the corner... lurking. I can call myself crazy.... But I can deal with it most days.

For many years I did not have a handle on it, because I did not understand it. Whatever form it takes for you, you need to understand how it affects you, how it manifests.
What it feels like, when it is coming. I can tell when it starts to get worse... I choose to ignore it at times, BAD.
I have a therapist and a great family doctor. I have to take medications... I am supposed to get good amounts of sleep, eat well.

No matter what your affliction, even menopause you need to understand your mind and you body and talk to someone.

You can get help. Yes it is a drag sometimes... but you can deal with it, just like our kids.
For me my hardest thing is not wanting to do things like, Oh I don't go down to the school and beat up the teacher the other day for making my child cry... ripping her a new one!!! Dropping the F'bomb all over the place!!!
That was the old Totoro!!! LOL
I have had to learn... kind of... to reign it in and get control of my emotions and learn when I am about to lose it. When I am feeling out of control... let husband step in. take a step back.
Talk to someone, come here... Go for a walk. Give my kids a big hug.
Read, talk...

Sorry you are feeling this way, there is help not matter what it is.

 

[totoro]

by the way... I have the distraction also.... I have to make lists... all over the place. make myself stop, if I try and start something else!!! I will usually do 2 things at once... but if I start a 3rd, I make myself stop now.... It is hard. I have to make myself look into someone's eyes when they are talking also or else I start drifting... all of the little things...

 

[trinityroyal]

Kathy,

First of all, {{{{{hugs}}}}} for your hurting heart.

I know that I've felt like a misfit for most of my life, so you're not alone.

With regard to diagnosis, the process started for me in early adulthood by my family doctor. She was a new doctor, and I was going through my family medical history, talking a mile a minute about all the family members with various issues. At one point, she stopped me and asked if anyone had bothered to evaluate me.

It was a lightbulb moment. Since then, I've had evaluations and done quite a bit of research. It's strange...I found that having a label to attach to things (ADD/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)) gave me a lot of comfort in that it was a logical explanation for things that made no sense at all before. Before, I thought I was just weird. Now, I know I'm weird, but I understand WHY I'm weird.

And yes, like Totoro mentioned, I am highly distractable. If I don't have my to-do list, I literally can't function. I will stare at the wall and twirling my hair and trying to remember what it is I'm supposed to do, I will wander off, start many things and leave a trail of half-started projects in my wake.

You're definitely not alone, and there is help for you.
Trinity

 

[TerryJ2]

been there done that.
I would go to the dr and consider a blood draw for hormone levels, as well as changing medications. I know several people who have used Prozac and only one who was happy with-it. It doesn't sound like it's working for you ... or it could be a side effect that gives you that "not fitting in" feeling.
Unfortunately, a lot of antidepressants take a cpl mo's to kick in, so you may want to try something fast-acting in the meantime... maybe an antianxiety medication?
You DO sound depressed. {{hugs}}
by the way, I know you implied that the not-fitting-in-thing seems to go with-your crying (i.e. depression), but if you separated it out, would it be such a bad thing? Being an artist and writer, I sometimes look normal :smile: but really couldn't care less whether I fit in.
Just a thought.

 

[Star*]

KC,

I've never fit into any mold. I tried so hard my entire life to fit -somewhere; anywhere. It seemed like I was always trying harder to fit in than be myself. After having difficult child and defending him from the masses I just stopped and started being myself. I had a conversation with myself and discovered I'm okay just the way I am.

I can tell you that a lot of the things you described - fit me to a T but mostly when difficult child was around and I was so stressed out. My doctor did a blood test to check my cortisol levels. When you are stressed out they are higher. They tested mine 3 times because mine were outrageously high. Finally they said I had anxiety and put me on something like an antihistamine.

I also had my sugar checked at the same time and have always been hypoglycemic until the last few years and have become pre-diabetic. Once I got on medicine to regulate my sugar and got a better diet going, AND THERAPY - I felt stable.

I was doing pretty good until difficult child got arrested, put in jail and due to all that stress I had a stroke. I was put on Atavan, but listened to a lot of people here about how addicting it was. So I took it sparingly.

This time of year I have always been a cheery person, with lots of good will, and outgoing, helping others and this year I'm in such a funk. It's almost like my body is telling me - OH you think you're going to do this again? Well look what we can do - and over thanksgiving I was barely able to get out of bed for 4 days. I just slept. I know it was depression. I hoped it was my body just telling me I've been going hard for 20 years plus - through a turbulent marriage, divorce, raising a difficult child with no assistance, and fighting to feel NOT like an outsider once again.

The damage these kids can do to our psyche is amazing. I have been through tragedy after tragedy and always came out on top, positive and reassuring - and lately if someone told me I could go to sleep for the winter? I'd crawl in a cave. This is why I preach to everyone to take care of you first. I've been so wrapped up in who, what, where, when and why about difficult child for so long I really let myself go. Some of it I couldn't control, some of it I can again control.

I think a good doctor will do some blood work and ask you some questions and get to the bottom of the funky feelings you have. Just don't ever worry about trying to fit your square self into a round hole - Squares are more multidimensional if you really look at it from all angles.

Hugs - sorry you are having to go through this. I couldn't say for certain it's depression or pre-menopause, or ADHD or anxiety - but your doctor could.

Star

 

[busywend]

Kathy, if you think you may have Adult ADD just speak to your general practitioner about it. They have a questionnaire you can fill out that will tell them a lot about your concentration and attention abilities. They will determine if it is truly affecting your quality of life.

I have not mentioned this to many people, but I was just diagnosed myself. I have been taking the medications for about 2 weeks now. I have never seen such a big impact on a medication before. I have tried a few ADs over the last 6 years. None ever did a thing for me. The ADD medication allows me to truly get things done. It is really amazing how productive I am with its help. It makes me very happy to see that I am completing tasks now, and getting them done right.

Last year I had to have some tests done for a nerve issue. Signs pointed to MS. When I read the symptoms and 'brain fog' was one of them....I had a way to describe what it was I was feeling all these years. Brain fog was the best way to describe the way I felt most days. I do not have MS. But, I did start my research on brain fog.
I had tried Wellbutrin recently for anxiety and that helped a little bit with the focus which is what got me thinking about ADD. I knew it was used sometimes for ADD. Talked to the doctor and we just decided to try Adderall a few weeks ago.

I had heard a few different schools of thought. Some say if you do not have ADD the medications will not do anything for you. Some say if you do not have ADD the medications will be a 'performance booster' for you. Well, it is a performance booster for me. But, I think that is what it is supposed to do for a person with ADD. I do not rush or speed on it. It just truly allows me to think clearly. The brain fog is gone. Truly gone.

 

[guest3]

lol your ? made me snort pepsi out of nose!

And the answer is "oh yes"

I know I had/have ADD, but when push come to shove, I push, difficult child I does not, the child could be tassered and he still would not push

 

[flutterbee]

You've gotten some really good advice here.

The only other thing that occurred to me was when you said that little things set you off. That can be a symptom of ADD or depression or hormones or a gazillion other things. But, it also could be the ants vs the elephants. It's not the elephants that get to us, it's the ants.

I got this from a former co-worker. When the big things in life happen (the elephants), such as raising a difficult child, having to move, changing jobs we face them and deal with them. We have to; we have no choice. But they're very, very stressful and it takes it's toll. We meander along thinking we are managing quite nicely and then something small happens (the ants), such as a breaking a glass and we fall apart. The ant becomes the proverbial straw. We hold it together when we have to because we have to. But then that ant comes along and it just pushes us over the edge. It seems silly because it's such a little, insignificant thing. But, it's just one thing too much.

Something to think about while you're talking to your doctors.

And as far as being distracted...I feel your pain there. If I don't do what I'm thinking about while I'm thinking about it, it's gone. I didn't used to be that way. I'm still trying to adjust. The other day I was talking to my mom on the phone and asked her to hold on so I could blow my nose. I finished and said, "Are you there?" No response. So, I said, "Hellooooo?" It was at that point that I realized that the phone was not in my hand, but rather still lying on the counter where I had put it down to blow my nose. :bag:

 

[KC but no sunshine band]

:doctor: So I went to the doctor yesterday and blubbered about how I feel like a misfit and how I feel like I'm going crazy. She asked a bunch of key questions. Do I typically have problems in December? Yes, I reply then I explain that for over 20 years(since I miscarried just before Christmas), I don't dwell on December being a bad time.... it just happens. It seems that when mid-December rolls around, something goes bad or I get depressed or both. She asks if I have been treated for depression several times for short periods. I reply yes. She asks if I have had several jobs. My answer is yes. She asks about manic episodes. I'm not sure. However, when reflecting on things after I left her office, it seems to me that I'm only depressed in the winter months. My doctor recommended that I take a "break" from working.... go on medical EI and referred me to a psychiatrist. (EI=employment insurance for those who are not familiar with Canada's terms) She also increased my dose of Prozac. So now, I am waiting for the psychiatrist to return my call. I have sat down with husband and discussed the medical EI. Although he wasn't jumping for joy at the idea, he does understand that my health is most important at this time. His biggest concern is the finances. One thing that came out of this discussion is that he has never liked me being paid on a commission basis as it stresses him out not knowing what to expect on my pay. So I will take some time for me... I am going to work on my health, see the psychiatrist, and do some work in the home that I find to be therapeutic. We have to move in the spring so I will go through the basement... sort through and start packing our stuff. That is a mindless activity that will allow my brain time to process things. I will do some Christmas baking and find time to enjoy the holiday season instead of just enduring it. :elf: Wow! What a concept! And, I may end up hanging around here a little bit more. You guys are wonderful. I can't thank you enough for all your support and prayers. It is certainly appreciated... probably more than you will ever know. So thank you all once again and I hope you are all having a wonderful humpday with no meltdowns. :snowman:

Kathy