I think I've asked this before, but I'm trying again because I do. I'm not afraid she is doing anything wrong. I know she's not. I'm worried about whether or not she is depressed. She does not let much out so it's really impossible to talk to her about it. She will clam up or change the subject or revert to, "I'm fine." Last weekend, she called me and I could tell as soon as she said, "Hi" that something was off. In the mom way, with our radar we have, I just knew so I said, "Honey, wht's the matter? Are you ok?" She said, "I miss you. Miss you and dad." My heart broke. I know a lot of people have the most anst over their Difficult Child's problems, but not me. I save it for my sweethearts. And with this one, I think I may have cause since she keeps everything inside. It is odd of her to say she misses us on the phone. Usually she texts nice things to us or puts it on her FB, but she doesn't say it. I told her her father would be there next Saturday for her basketball game. She said she wanted me to come. Red flag. I told her I had to work. She was quiet. Then, "I really want you to come" in a soft voice. I take a breath. "I'll call in sick." I never call in sick, but my daughter comes first. She doesn't ask for me often. "OK." She sounded a little relieved. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?" "No...I...I just miss you guys. So much." I reminded her she could transfer to college right here, but she said, "No. I can't." No explanation. Sports maybe? Her school is a tech college, but does sports. The one near our house is the only tech school in the state that doesn't do sports. Sports make her happy, but I'm afraid there's more. "I didn't say you HAD to come home, sweetie. Just remember, you always have that option. They have Criminal Justice here too. Even if you never do it, when you miss us, you can always think that you do have that option." Nothing. Finally, "I can't go there. So you're coming?" "Do I lie to you?" "No. But you don't like to miss work." "You matter more. Don't worry." We got off the phone and I'm baffled. I tried to figure out what may be going on so her dad and I can cheer her up. Is it her ex-boyfriend again? Very high possibility. When she loves, she loves. It has been a year. Valentine's Day is coming up. Prom will be soon and he is a senior in high school and would have taken her. Well, what can I do to make her feel better about THAT? I can't. But then I get scared. I worried for so many years that 37 may kill himself in an impulsive act or to teach us a lesson. He wouldn't mean to actually do the deed, but if you play with fire... Could she get so depressed she'd do it? Would she? I have thought about it a lot this week. I did suggest therapy and I get cut off at the first syllable. "No." Luckily she has a huge support system of nice kdis at school. I've met all her close friends. Is it enough? She was so on-top-of-the-world in high school. In fact, she was on top of the world before she broke up with her boyfriend and then decided it was a mistake...and he would not risk taking her back. School is going well for her. Grades are fine. Lots of friends. Something is "off" I know it. And I won't have any time to talk to her bout it Saturday because we can't stay long after the game. Hubby has had two corneal transplants and still can't see too well in the dark, and I can't find my way around the block so the only solution is for him to drive before it gets dark. She would just say "I'm fine" anyway. I know, I know. It is what it is. I can't control her. I can just love her. But it's so much harder when your child has been joy and sunshine all of her life, I think. I wish I knew what was wrong. I know I will not find out unless she decides to tell lme. She does miss us, but it's for a reason. Somehow she wants the comfort that she got as a little child now...and that means she is feeling sad and vulnerable. Sometimes I wish I'd never chosen to be a mother. It's so hard. I am split four ways with them. Tomorrow I have to drive Sonic around to go shopping then watch him on his bowling team then drive him home. He is so easy. NEVER sad. Julie is in a good place. Soon I'll be driving down to see her so I can rub my little Buddha's head (Granddaughter) before I have surgery on Feb. 24th. I am not concerned about 37. Right now he and Grandson are stable. Seems like Jumper is the one I worry over the most now, although it is very sporadic. She really tries not to worry us, although she knows we don't mind. Always somebody I love to worry about. What if I hadn't had any children? Would my life be easier now? Would I be lonely? Would my husband be enough? Anyhow, getting off track here. This is kind of a vent. It's ok if nobody wants to respond. As always I am grateful that this board exists as it is sort of a journal for me as well as a place where I hear from some of the bravest people with the best hearts ever. Thank you all.