You know, a lot of the time I'm either worn out from worrying about my difficult child or she's p!ssing me off. So, when an opportunity arises where I can say something nice instead of nothing or something else negative, the moment often passes without comment. I had such a moment last night. I won't go into details, but this has been a trying week for me with both my H and difficult child. difficult child basically stayed away all week at her friend's house (one we don't know anything about) in another town. We spoke on the phone and tried to make a plan for lunch, but everything fell through. So she came home with monkeyboy in tow last night for dinner. It was a nice time, but the air was filled with resentments, old and new, and there were a few moments that were strained between us. At one point I followed her into her room where she was packing a bag and just told her simply that we missed her and loved her (she was crying). She made a comment about why its so hard for her to be home - that we pick on her - and I hugged her and told her that home is supposed to be a place where we can joke around and laugh and cry and chill, hoping to pat down her hysteria. She was okay, she hugged me back and then left shortly thereafter. Incidentally, she had told me earlier in the day that her prmary reason for stopping home was to hit us up for cash. She ran out of money and didn't work this week (long story) and neither did her boyfriend. They were headed out of town to go visit difficult child's dad's family this morning. Well, she never asked for the money and left. Afterwards, I felt bad because I had missed a few opportunities where I could have said something positive about her or to her, such as her hair looked nice, I liked her shirt, anything, something small even. She had done her eyebrows and instead of telling her they looked nice or neat, I commented on how straight they were. She covered them then and ran from the kitchen, saying something about always being teased and thats why she can't wait move out. I told her to feel free to pack up her things and go. Another snipe. The thing is, we're together so infrequently these days and there are so many unresolved things floating around us, that my mind is on all that when she's here, so I often miss an opportunity to compliment her or say something kind. I feel like that's a really big flaw on my part. When she was little and had the daily struggle in school and life, I was always injecting something positive to help her feel good about herself and why aren't I doing that anymore? I know part of is that I'm just worn down from the last few years of dealing with her and all her stuff, but darn it, I should be able to find at least ONE nice thing to say to her that isn't about our relationship or how we miss having her around, etc. Do you have trouble complimenting your difficult child?