Do YOU suffer from depression? How do you keep a positive perspective?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Bean, May 10, 2010.

  1. Bean

    Bean Member

    I have my days. Some are good, and some are terrible. The hard thing is when they are terrible, they really are terrible.

    I'm wondering if anyone else is suffering from depression or anxiety after years of dealing with their difficult child?

    I know I'm more anxious. Having my daughter runaway, lie and basically turn the world upside down has playing into my normally anxious state. When the phone rings, my heart still jumps. My middle child locks the door ALL THE TIME. It's kind of sad. But I know why he does it.

    My doctor prescribed Zoloft for me, but I have yet to take it. Partly anxiety for me and partly I don't want to be on any drug. Maybe I'm stubborn.
  2. Take it. I'm going back on Prozac tomorrow after three years off. I have to homeschool difficult child now because of worsening issues and diabetes. I was seriously afraid I would stroke out trying to get him on the bus day after day. Of course, he just had a screaming fit calling me names, saying he hates me over doing schoolwork. Has insulin on board (given his shot already) and stormed out of the house without eating. I'll have to keep a close eye out for him so he doesn't go into a coma now. Joy all around.
    I can't wait until tomorrow.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Take it. It will make your day to day life decisions more easy to make, and keep you from living your life as a reaction to your difficult child's acting out.
  4. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Yes I did for a time and as I posted to day in topic "do you ever feel this too", I took Cymbalta for about a year or so (also took it for Fibromyalgia). It worked and helped. Coming off of it though was the worst. I wish I had known how bad that was going to be and researched it then or the information about it was available then. I'm not sure but I think it was too new at the time. However, I was glad I did take it because it did help it and I didn't know where I'd be if I hadn't. It got so bad with anxieties that I couldn't function well at all. I started leaning towards paranoia and conspiracies and that's never a good thing but I was soooo stressed out I probably was close to breaking. Detachment. Now I'm sometimes too detached I fear but it's better that they the other way they tell me because my human instincts to always kick in when they need to and bring me back around.

    I keep positive by knowing that there ARE others out there all over who have it far worse then I do in many ways. That always helps keep it all in perspective for me. That it "could" be worse.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member


    Take your medications. I truly believe I would have hurt somebody by now without my Effexor.

    I don't always keep a positive perspective. My Hubby was laid off in January and is on unemployment while in an approved training class, I only work part-time and after a paycheck in June, I won't see another one till October. Also, we can't afford to pay COBRA any longer, so it's bye-bye insurance after June 30. There are good days and bad days, and lately I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails. Miss KT has finals next week, and a new job as a live-in nanny starting after that, so there are many changes on the horizon.
    Last edited: May 10, 2010
  6. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I agree, take it. Trust your doctor. If he or she prescribed it, chances are excellent that they saw a real need. However, it is best for you to be doing other things that might help with anxiety and/or depression. Doing things you like to do for one. Re-discover yourself and give yourself permission to enjoy life. right, get in a little exercise, a little socialization, etc. Sure, it might not be easy, but push a little. It will be well worth it in the end. You are taking the first excellent step by getting to the doctor. You should be proud of yourself. If you haven't done so already, fill the prescription and start taking it. One thing at a time. Perhaps start exercising next. What about two times a week for now? Then, move it to three times a week? Do you have a good friend you might call to do something fun? Think about it. Give it a try. If you feel you need someone to talk to, more guidance or your depression is severe....please see a therapist. It is so helpful!!!!! You asked how some of us keep a "positive perspective?" Well, I think it is a little bit of severa things: re-learning self love...and partly detachment, healthy distraction, acceptance and faith. It took a long time to get to this place. I personally had to do a lot of work...but was willing to do it and am very glad that I did. Wishing you well...there is light at the end of this tunnel.
  7. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    I too fought taking medicine for a while ~ BUT ~ Just like an addict ~ I finally hit "bottom" ~ I had to make a change and I am so glad I did.

    I started an antidepressant a year and a half ago and as KTmom said I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't only I would have hurt myself.

    Current situations have sent me spinning again - and I immediatley made an appointment - I don't want to live this way ~

    I went to the DR yesterday and have another prescription ~ There was no debating - I know it helps.

    The DR I went to said all he does is work with depression and he sees 8 - 10 people a day. We are not alone.

    Please take care of yourself - I am dealing with major anxiety right now - I am taking to heart every bit of information of this site and not just reading it but trying to do it.

    I realized I expect my difficult children to make better choices - I want to be the example and practise what I preach. What I have been doing the passt 10 years has not been working ~

    Gentle {hugs}
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I have to agree with everyone: Take it.

    I have taken Wellbutrin XL on and off for a few years now. Initially due to the daily stressors of living with a difficult child and other stuff, also in part to my own anxiety issues, and more recently due to seasonal stuff. It has helped A LOT over the years. Like someone else said, it just helps with the daily issues that come up with a difficult child and other family members - to keep a clear head and look at things logically before flipping out or crying through it.

    Just want to mention that getting past the first two weeks was initially difficult for me because I kept wondering if the initial side effects would go away - they do! And then you really begin to feel better, like you can get out of bed without wanting to kill someone or cry into your pillow all day. And gradually, you begin to feel even better. Best of luck - hugs~
  9. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    in my humble opinion, the anxiety medications are a little more risky in terms of dependency. So, if you take one of those, you might want to either not take them daily or try to take them for a short duration. You can always start them back up again if absolutely necessary. And in terms of an antidepressant, when you feel better, you can ask the doctor if you can reduce your dosage. Remember, you can work in conjunction with your doctor. However, you should not be fearful to try these medications. They are there to help you. The bottom line is that you want to feel be more productive, to enjoy life to help yourself, etc.
    Any other thing (s) you can do in addition to medication will propel you fast into good mental health. These are things in addition to medication, like therapy (VERY helpful/important/worthwhile), exercise, socialization, hobbies, etc. Sending good thoughts....
  10. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Another vote in favour of taking the medications.

    Before my difficult child moved into a permanent Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I fought depression and anxiety constantly. My doctor prescribed ativan, which I stayed on for about a year. Nomad's advice about anxiety medications is good. There is a risk of dependency, but if you work closely with your doctor and stay in tune with yourself and how you're feeling you should be able to minimize the risks while helping yourself. As others have said, you're not alone. Depressed and miserable is no way to live. You need to take the steps you have to in order to feel better.

  11. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Take it. And if it doesn't work, try a different anti-depressant. Every person is different and what works for one person, may not work for another. Prozac saved me years ago, but in more recent years, I took Cymbalta, which worked even better. I do concur with side effects of quick withdrawal from Cymbalta, you have, have, HAVE to taper off of it when you quit it. I got horrendous headaches, nightmares and was very edgy .. even if I missed a couple doses, which sometimes happened if I didn't get it refilled on time :-/ (I'm lazy like that!). Overall, though it saved me from the depths of despair ... I was a zombie withOUT it at one point, I was so deep in the throes of depression.

    Be sure you combine therapy with anti-depressants; I am a firm believer that medications alone won't do the trick, they simply put you on a more even keel so that therapy can do its job. Join a support group if you can, too.

    I learned to focus on the positive aspects of any situation, look for that "silver lining" no matter how dire a circumstance may seem. I've learned that something good comes from every situation, i.e., if this bad thing hadn't happened, this good thing wouldn't have happened, either. It's there, believe me, sometimes you just have to look really hard :) I also began a practice of finding something to be grateful for each and every day, even if it was the smallest thing. One day, it might be the existence of Starbucks. Another, it might be the sun on my face. Once you get into that habit, it really makes a difference in your attitude.
  12. Bean

    Bean Member

    Thanks for the responses. Sage advice and it is appreciated. I've been working through a lot of this over the past few years, and have managed to do many of the other things (exercize, diet, socialize, taking time for self, my faith, etc.) - but I still am battling it. I can get out of my bed, work, function, enjoy life. But sometimes I wonder if it could be better.

    Fear is another challenge for me, as I worry about withdrawl from it. My doctor also gave me xanax, and I've managed to take 1/2 a pill in 3 months (I worry about addiction as well). But, I did take Celexa in the past and it really helped me get over a post-partum depression hump. It's funny how I keep telling/hoping my daughter will get on her medications but I can't seem to do it myself. ;)
  13. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    This has recently been a breakthru for me. I want my children to make changes but I struggle with making the changes I need to make. May this be a reminder to both of us that we need to set the example.

    Sending you positive thoughts and pray that you have a good day!
  14. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Most excellent...
    There is a quote...Ghandi perhaps...Be the change you want to see in the world...or something like this.
    Yes, I do believe we set an example.
    That is why I keep say repeatedly that it is a good example when we do not put up with bad behaviors from our children, especially ADULT children and enjoy life and move forward. Offer therapy for them (from a licensed therapist) if that is do-able and they wish to attend. But you personally, move on and move forward. If it has not been working...yes, CHANGE is something to embrace, not run from.
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Do you suffer from depression?

    Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Live in a pineapple under the sea. Pourus, and yellow, and smiling - that's me! I'm going to art class, I'll be drawing a bee!!! Then when I'm done they'll be serving me tea! They had me committed I'm glad I'm not free!!! I sits in my corner penning you poetry! :tongue: Deeeeeepressed? Pffffffffffffffflllllllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppptt. Nnnnnnooooooooooooope. (pop) Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Look!!!!! At all the lovely colors. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooovy.......

    I was scraping the cheese back on my cracker and then suddenly - I found myself at the doctors. Hmfff. So I told her (pft) I think I threatened to whip this little curly headed girls behind for threatening to cut in line in traffic. I wouldn't let her cut in front of me. When she threatened me? I shoved my foot on the break, slammed my shifter into neutral and undid my seat belt and started to get out of the car. When I explained I would oblige her likewise? She backed down, and I moved forward and THAT's when I realized I was out of control, called the doctor and
    live in a pineapple under the sea........with klonipin, lexapro and welbutrin 2 x a day.......

    (Zoloft made myself and my son suicidal) so just be careful. Klonipin even 1/4 of a pill dose for me? WOW. The grass is like marshmallows. :peaceful: I'm only using THAT for extreme anxiety - outs.

    You do what you feel is right for you. You can learn relaxing techniques, take yoga, anger control therapy and lots of other things IF you don't want to use medications to help boost your seretonin levels, BUT if you are going to do it au`natural? I would highly recommend making sure you set aside at least one hour a day where you are not disturbed at all to meditate and practice a Zen lifestyle without outside influences to clear your mind, work with a licensed instructor, eat properly, take vitamins, get plenty of sleep, make sure someone can take difficult child for about every other weekend at least for respite to give you a break, and work with a GREAT psychiatrist for individual therapy for him and you and family therapy to formulate a battle plan in your home so you are working towards some type of goal/achievement for harmony in your home. Otherwise you are all just existing without a plan, and nothing is ever going to be solved.

    Hugs & Love
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I have taken prozac off and on for years. For me, the first sign that I need it again is the urge to smoke. Apparently I only want cigs when depressed. It took a few rounds to figure it out, but now I pay attention. If I start thinking about cigs or checking the price I go back on prozac for a few months. I have taken other ad's and many make me very ill. Effexor was the worst. It changed me so that I was afraid to leave my house. Literally shook and vomitted and I have NEVER been like that. Cymbalta didn't do anything for my depression or fibro. But prozac is CHEAP. I have even tried pristiq, the "new" version of prozac. Whatever they took out I need, cause it didn't work. I am old school depressed, I guess. So I take the "old school" medication, or so my psychiatrist jokes.

    Depression is a normal reaction to difficult child life, on the parent side. At least it seems so to me.
  17. Star*

    Star* call 911

    What would you do for a Klondike bar?
  18. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I think a good sense of humor helps a lot with- a positive perspective.
    Also, finding things that are enjoyable and doing them.
    Finding strength in spiritual faith/guidance.
    Getting a therapist....
    It's not one thing, but many.
    Hard work this keeping a positive perspective...VERY much worth it. :D;):tongue::D
  19. MICHL

    MICHL New Member

    I've had depression my whole life. I've taken zoloft for the past 18 years, 50mg, & now 75mg. It really does help. Although it seems nothing can take away the pain of a difficult child. Sometimes it feels so hopeless and i still get depressed alot, it's not a cure-all or a happy pill. Exercise helps depression to by getting the endorphins up. A combination of medication and doing things for yourself, taking care of youself, they all help. Good luck.
  20. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    AMEN! :D