Doctor visit Tuesday - not liking some realities & have some questions

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Aug 12, 2010.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I had a very long appointment with my physiatrist Tuesday. As I've become a bit more confused & my memory is "icky" I've missed 3 appointments & finally made it to this one.

    The usual BiPolar (BP) check, pain medication reviews, how PT going, etc, etc, etc. My memory & organization (or lack thereof) skills were discussed ~ especially since I've been unable to go back to PT because of bills not being paid. It's not that I don't have the funds it's simply because I no longer understand the mail that is coming into my home.

    Physiatrist doctor has ordered me to work with a SW so I can set up a financial power of attorney. Ladies, my field used to be accounting & I'm devastated that I no longer recognize a bill or a statement or even a collection notice. I'm not managing my money very well apparently. I bought sorely needed windows - there's a concern that I was victimized & physiatrist & SW are filing a report to the attorney general's office.

    I'm saying all this because I'm frustrated. I've struggled to ask for help. Now that I have, I'm struggling to accept that I can just no longer handle the financial end of things in my home, my life.

    My younger brother has agreed to become my financial power of attorney; his wife (favorite sister in law of mine) will help me set up reminders & make sure the bills have been paid if I haven't done so.

    AND once again, I'm humbled - resigned. Not sure if this is a good thing or not. I guess it just is. I'm grateful that I have family I can trust to help. I'm grateful my doctor is concerned enough to help me find advocates/people who can help organize this huge entangled web of a mess. It's ugly ladies, very ugly.

    Have any of you worked with financial POAs; is there a fee I should be paying my brother? I've never been comfortable with sharing my financial situation ~ now I'll have my brother & sister in law's name on my bank accounts.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda, I am so sorry to hear that your frustration levels are building. I, too, am glad that you have people you can trust offering to help you.
    I do not believe you should pay your brother. Maybe a gift card for a nice dinner out now and then to show your appreciation.

    I hope your docs step up and give you the additional supports you need.

    I am so sorry for your pain and frustration.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for you. As you know, you are really fortunate to have family members that you can trust to act in your best interests. Perhaps with the new safeguards in place you will feel less pressure and anxiety. I sure hope so. Sending caring supportive thoughts your way. DDD
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    No advice on this LInda, but I do want to offer a big hug to help relieve some of the shock over this new situation you are facing. This can't be an easy thing to accept, but it certainly does seem in your best interest to accept the help.

    I can't imagine a family member charging a fee to act as your financial overseer. It would be different if this were an outsider stepping in. What does your brother say about it? Is he willing to take on this responsibility?

    With my father's recent passing, my mom has said she will be putting my name on her checking account as a safety net for the future. I am also named as the executor of her will and the trust she will be putting all of her assets into over the coming months. It just saves a lot of headaches down the road. But I never would consider expecting to collect a fee for any of this responsibility.

    Another way to look at this new situation for you is that you have one less thing to worry about and more time to enjoy the things the bring a smile to your day! I think after all you have been through and all that you are working on for yourself, you deserve to have a little help managing the more mundane stuff in life.

  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I don't have any advice, Linda, but want to offer a supprortive hug.

    This is what family is supposed to be about...I'm glad you have some.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    No advice, but I have lots of love and hugs to send you.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda, I have several things to say and I think I am going to jump around because my thoughts get jumbled too so bare(bear?) with me please. First off, I was my mom's everything poa. I didnt get paid anything for the job. I just took care of her.

    I also can understand your frustration with losing your abilities. I am not far behind you. Like you, I was trained in accounting and now I cant figure out simple math! If I go to the store with several 20's and the clerk gives me a figure due I am clueless. I kinda stare at them and ask how many 20s to give them. Its embarrassing. I try desperately never to go without a debit card. When something says its on sale for 3/5, I always have to get the 3 because I cant figure out the math. I lose bills all the time. I forget dr appointments and have begged them to please call me the day before. I need to go get a portfolio thing because my phone just isnt working right.

    I was so good at keeping the house running, now I cant and no one else can step up. I think tony has some form of social anxiety or mild aspergers or something. He does have a reading comprehension problem and he simply cannot deal with phone calls at all. We are toast!

    I dont know who to get help from honestly.
  8. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    Linda, I am POA over my grandparents, my dad (after my mom passed) and also my mother-in-law. You don't have to offer any monetary donation to them at all. Now, if you didn't trust them, they would probably ask. Then, you would know they were the wrong people for the job, too.

    BUT, since it sounds like you do trust them, please let them help you. I know how much it must disturb you that you NEED this help, but you know you do. Like I said, if you trust them, let them help. It sounds like they love you and want to help you.

    I'm so sorry that you are going through even more problems. When it rains, it pours.

  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    TL, I haven't responded to this thread before now because I really couldn't think of anything to say that might make you feel better. But I want you to know that you remain in my thoughts and I support you and admire your efforts to muddle thru all this. ((HUGS))
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    This must be so hard for you!

    It is very common for family members to have POA when someone needs help organizing their affairs. And family members usually do not pay/charge for this service. Just a "Thank you!" now and again is probably enough.
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I've been in complete denial about this situation since husband died, now it's coming to bite me in the behind. Instead of trying or asking for help I'd shred bills & donate the shredded materials to the humane society for the bunny cages. :bunny_ears: The bunnies love shredded paper. My brother about died laughing when he heard that & when he was done laughing he asked me to stop shredding til we could figure this mess out.

    Baby bro & sister in law are completely willing & able to help me - no charge. They want to take the stress of my shoulders so I can go golfing again.

    Thank you ladies, I'm almost out of denial. I should have a meeting with the SW in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully, I'll get back to physical therapy (which the physiatrist - rehab specialist is insisting I need) & rebuild my strength, with that my spirits.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

  13. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i'm glad your taking the help, you deserve it and try to think of it as a vacation from your bills, at least having to open them, have a meltdown over them, and than figure out how to pay them.

    hoping all other things are well with you..