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Does anyone else find themselves pulling away from friends?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 657965" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I think it's very normal to feel this way considering what we have all been through. It's not like you're excited about sharing the news, "hey, guess what, my Difficult Child got arrested, is homeless, is on drugs and tried to commit self murder"</p><p></p><p></p><p>I think it's just something that takes time. Like COM said:</p><p></p><p></p><p>For me there was a time when I was just flat out ashamed. Once I started to really identify my emotions I learned that the shame was because I felt like such a failure. Surely I must have done something wrong and my Difficult Child's poor choices are a reflection on me and that is what EVERYONE will see. I mean don't they always blame the mother. I had to step back and really look at how I "mothered" my son. Was I perfect, oh I hope not that's too much pressure to keep up with. That's just it, none of us are "perfect". I had done nothing to warrant the chaos my son brought into our lives.</p><p></p><p>I still don't openly share about my son. I will sit and listen to my friends talk about their children and all the wonderful things they do and I'm happy for them. I'm happy that they don't know the kind of suffering that can happen as a parent. Don't get me wrong, there was a time that I was jealous of them, they had what I wanted. Again, self reflection, identifying my emotions and peeling them back like an onion, each layer disclosing something about myself.</p><p></p><p>I am a much stronger person for having gone through all I did with my son.</p><p></p><p>There are of course times when I meet new people and the questions will be asked, "Do you have any children?" I will respond, yes, I have one son. Then comes the second question, "What does he do?" I will respond, with my head held high and confidence in my voice, "My son is estranged from me" and if they continue to ask questions I tell them I'd rather not discuss something so personal.</p><p>I have gotten to a good place where I do not care what others think of me. I know I was the best mother I could be and I live my life with integrity and focus.</p><p></p><p>IWP, I think what you are feeling is just part of the process and it won't last forever. It's good that you are getting your feelings out here on this site.</p><p></p><p></p><p>We have no control over what others think of us or our kids.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you........................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 657965, member: 18516"] I think it's very normal to feel this way considering what we have all been through. It's not like you're excited about sharing the news, "hey, guess what, my Difficult Child got arrested, is homeless, is on drugs and tried to commit self murder" I think it's just something that takes time. Like COM said: For me there was a time when I was just flat out ashamed. Once I started to really identify my emotions I learned that the shame was because I felt like such a failure. Surely I must have done something wrong and my Difficult Child's poor choices are a reflection on me and that is what EVERYONE will see. I mean don't they always blame the mother. I had to step back and really look at how I "mothered" my son. Was I perfect, oh I hope not that's too much pressure to keep up with. That's just it, none of us are "perfect". I had done nothing to warrant the chaos my son brought into our lives. I still don't openly share about my son. I will sit and listen to my friends talk about their children and all the wonderful things they do and I'm happy for them. I'm happy that they don't know the kind of suffering that can happen as a parent. Don't get me wrong, there was a time that I was jealous of them, they had what I wanted. Again, self reflection, identifying my emotions and peeling them back like an onion, each layer disclosing something about myself. I am a much stronger person for having gone through all I did with my son. There are of course times when I meet new people and the questions will be asked, "Do you have any children?" I will respond, yes, I have one son. Then comes the second question, "What does he do?" I will respond, with my head held high and confidence in my voice, "My son is estranged from me" and if they continue to ask questions I tell them I'd rather not discuss something so personal. I have gotten to a good place where I do not care what others think of me. I know I was the best mother I could be and I live my life with integrity and focus. IWP, I think what you are feeling is just part of the process and it won't last forever. It's good that you are getting your feelings out here on this site. We have no control over what others think of us or our kids. ((HUGS)) to you........................ [/QUOTE]
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