Thanks for the welcome! Im really not looking for a diagnosis, just cant believe that the sweet kid that came to live with us is really in that much trouble. He came to his father 2yrs ago with a "relief from abuse order". He was living with his mother and stepfather, he accused his stepfather of physical abuse. Since my husband was in another state, we really dont know exactly what went on in the household. We have recently requested all the files from the DCF, and should be getting them any day. We hope it will shed some light on the situation. He has never spoke of the accusations again, not even to us or DR or counselors. He has had a history of testing, medications, counselors, IEPs, ect...since second grade. He has been diagnosed with ADHD since he was 6, he's 15 now.
When he moved in with us, we decided that maybe a fresh start would be all he needs, to get away from whatever was going on in the other home. Everything was great for awhile, he was awsome with my 2yr old, my family, fit right in to everything. He started a new middle school in my town, was near honor role for a bit. Then we started getting the phone calls, distracted in school, not doing his work, but not "acting out" either. We talked to his mom and found out his last medication was concerta, we asked him if he would like to back on it, he said yes. and so we did. then next phone call from the school was a bit more disturbing, he had been on the school computer and found out how to access porn. Again, we called his mom, this was apparently not the first time he had been on these websites in school, the first time was 6th grade. After beening caught in school he proceded to do it several more times, nearly crashing the school computer. Finally, he was just simply not allowed to use schools computer. When the school computer was no longer available for him he began using every computer he could get to for porn. My mothers, imagine your mother turning on her computer to find a history of 30-40 websites that where as I would consider, hard core. She locked down her computer. When that was no longer available he moved on to my work computer, he was alone with it for no more than 15mins. He doesnt come to work with me anymore. He also got into my brother in laws computer, and our home computer. We finally cut all ties with computers, we began locking our bedroom door with the laptop in there. Thats when he began breaking in to our room to get to the computer, several times. each time he was caught. The last time he broke in he finally crashed our computer. (we where in no hurry to fix it.)
So after all the computers where locked down, broke, or just off limits, he discovered "pay per veiw" on our cable tv. We didnt know that there was a default code to order movies, He ordered several porns, again, hard core, costing us several hundreds of dollars. There is no longer an option for renting movies on our tv.
For his birthday, i gave him a cell phone and a little freedom. Within weeks he found the 800 numbers, phone sex. he was staying up all night on the phone. again, I discovered the several hundreds of extra minutes on his line and took the phone away. costing us a fortune again. The phone stayed with us until one night he wanted to retreive a phone number from it. we let him and took the phone back. The next week, there it was again on my bill, he had been stealing the phone back late at night and putting it back before we got up. Cell phone is gone far away now.
so, with the pay per view gone, the computer gone, and the cell phone gone, and us on him like a hawk, he began renting movies from cable at my sisters house (occasionally he would sleep over there) nipped that in the but too. About 3 months ago, we noticed that my husband's cell phone had some extra charges on it, He was at it again, stealing my Dhs phone late at night and accessing the internet for porn. Now we lock our cells up too along with anything else that might be the least bit sexual.
along with the obsesion with porn came the breaking and destoying things. Not so much as an angry thing, just given nothing else to do, he will rip things apart, including his own things. He destoys thing into tiny pieces, not to put them back together, just to rip them apart.
moving on to high school, we again had high hopes, he was taking the concerta, seemed to help with the adhd, new school, new teachers, another fresh start. I should mention, the day before he graduated from middle school, he was in the worst fight the principle has ever seen. He was able to attend the graduation cermony. He claims that he and the other kid where just screwing around. difficult child attacked another student from behind, hit him with a book bag so hard that it broke the skin, and began strangling him.
teachers got it under control and I was called. back to high school. behavior was ok but grades fell to failing quickly. He wasnt doing any class work, his assigned home work would be done with me after school everyday but he never turned it in. He would go as far as throwing it away right in front of the teacher. His behavior at home was starting to get worse and worse, not physical with us, just defying, and lying. He also started stealing from family and friends. the thing that is most troubling about the stealing is that he steals from people and shows absolutly no conscience. he could hang out and have a conversation with you while he had your 50 bucks in his pocket. like nothing ever happened. no remorse at all. even after he was caught red handed.
ok so on the the breaking point...recently my husband remodeled a sun room into our new bedroom (he is awsome!) we had our computer rebuilt, difficult child didnt know. our first night in our new room, we noticed hand prints all over the new windows. the computer was on a small table, since we know better, the windows where locked and the door was locked, he took a 30min oppurtunity to try to break in to get to the computer, couldnt reach the computer through the window, grabbed a cosmo magazine instead. Knowing that he had broke in again, I searched his room while he was at school to see if he had stole anything else, found a razor blade. I met him at the bus stop and brought him home. made him show me his arms and legs, found cuts all over his arms. I needed to run out to pick up my son from daycare, less than an hour, got back and he was gone. he ran away. found him a few hours later at the mall with my niece. He told her that he ran away because we where awful and mean to him. Also told her that my husband hit him. Not the case! he told us that he ran away because he thought that our lives would be better with out him there. He tells people exactly what they want to here. Hes very smart.
the rest of the weekend was a nightmare, more cutting, destroying things, ect. finally sunday night my mother approached me with the story he told my niece about husband hitting him. An absolute lie. I was there. I told husband, difficult child denied saying it and the aguement began. difficult child ran away again. we contacted the police, and waited. He showed up at school the next morn. We met him there with the guidence couselors and principles. They suggested a "chins" order. We needed more than that. so we brought him to the ER and contacted the crisis team. 20hours later we were on our way to Brattleboro retreat. normal stay there for assesment is 4-6 days. difficult child was there 14 days. he loved it. the doctors said that he was getting along great with the other kids but not taking any responsilbity for why he was there. after 14 days, and no progress, the discharged him to a transitional program closer to us. he there for another 4-6 days. then home. the diagonosis from the retreat is mood disorder not otherwise specified, adhd, and conduct disorder. they did change his medications to wellbutrin 300mg daily.
his father and I are getting back to being in love. We've only been married less than a year. We are trying to get our family life back and focus on us and our 3yr old. difficult child decisions now are going to effect where he calls home at this point. we have serval services set up just in case the home coming doesnt go well. we are determined to have a zero tolerance for lyng, stealing, poor behavior, ect...
These are just a few of the issues with him, i could go on for days.
thanks for listening. it helps to know we arent the only ones going through this stuff!
