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Substance Abuse
Don’t want to be an enabler but....
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<blockquote data-quote="Littleboylost" data-source="post: 728965" data-attributes="member: 21895"><p>Welcome BHM</p><p></p><p>I have been in the ugly balance of the struggle for some time now. </p><p></p><p>The decisions we have to May are cruel and difficult. I am crying a lot these past few days. </p><p></p><p>I just have my son the ultimatum of me pulling his bail and going to jail or going to a detox. He has 7 days before he enters into a long term in patient rehab program. He can leave and if he does leave he will not be welcome home. I will pull his bail bond and I will let him go to jail. </p><p></p><p>I have struggled with the thoughts of enabling vs helping. Our son had lied and stolen from us and been dismissive of us and our support. </p><p></p><p>He had a soft bed and a safe place to be. He ramped up his drug use and bad behaviour. I simply could not tolerate any more. It even 7 days more. </p><p></p><p>When I found him with pot and cocaine yesterday I have him a choice detox and then rehab or jail. It was a hell of a day. I don’t know if I will ever r cover fully from this hell. </p><p></p><p>One thing is absolutely certain. After bailing my son out and organizing this opportunity for him to go to rehab and the continued drug use and who know what else (he had no job and no money sochow was he getting the drugs??); I will have no more of this madness under my roof. The more we helped the more crafty he got abut drug use and excuses for it. </p><p></p><p>I am not a rehab I could not police him my goal was to keep him until his admittance into rehab. I turned a blind eye to a lot of bad behaviour. Lazy unwilling to lift a finger to help dicanythig. Playing video games to all hours of the night and sleeping all day. Not doing a singe chore when asked. </p><p></p><p>His girlfriend sending me hate texts and he screaming at me and disowning me as his mother. Because I called the police when he refused to go to Detox. </p><p></p><p>I find the more we tried to help him the worse he got. I told him this was his last shot. I felt we owed it to ourselves and him to do his as he is just 18. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Heed this information. My son was in jail for 10 days and he begged and pleaded to come home. He got progressively nasty over the past 90 days while we waited for a rehab bed to open up. This was enough to let me know we will not offer this kind of help again. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Heed this quote. I didn’t, I couldn’t at the time. I felt too guilty. </p><p></p><p>I am never taking on more responsibility than my son is willing to take on for his drug use and its consequences. I could not survive theirs madness again. </p><p></p><p>I have been known to shove $10 at him in the past to get him to just leave me alone. I grew strength to stop giving him money. Detachment and learning to stop enabling is a continuum. We all do what our hearts and nerves can bear and some days we progress Bette then others. </p><p></p><p>I have no answer for you as to what you should do. I know I sold my sons car and I will never gift him another. I know I bailed my son out of jail and I know I will never do it again. I know I let my son live here while he waited for rehab, while he continued to use drugs, and he will never do that again. I won’t allow it. </p><p></p><p>I have done a lot for him and as long as he is using drugs it will never be enough. He will have to figure out his life from here. After rehab he will not be allowed to live in my home any more. </p><p></p><p>Do what your heart can bear to do. Continue learning how to detach and stop enabling as much as you possibly can.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Littleboylost, post: 728965, member: 21895"] Welcome BHM I have been in the ugly balance of the struggle for some time now. The decisions we have to May are cruel and difficult. I am crying a lot these past few days. I just have my son the ultimatum of me pulling his bail and going to jail or going to a detox. He has 7 days before he enters into a long term in patient rehab program. He can leave and if he does leave he will not be welcome home. I will pull his bail bond and I will let him go to jail. I have struggled with the thoughts of enabling vs helping. Our son had lied and stolen from us and been dismissive of us and our support. He had a soft bed and a safe place to be. He ramped up his drug use and bad behaviour. I simply could not tolerate any more. It even 7 days more. When I found him with pot and cocaine yesterday I have him a choice detox and then rehab or jail. It was a hell of a day. I don’t know if I will ever r cover fully from this hell. One thing is absolutely certain. After bailing my son out and organizing this opportunity for him to go to rehab and the continued drug use and who know what else (he had no job and no money sochow was he getting the drugs??); I will have no more of this madness under my roof. The more we helped the more crafty he got abut drug use and excuses for it. I am not a rehab I could not police him my goal was to keep him until his admittance into rehab. I turned a blind eye to a lot of bad behaviour. Lazy unwilling to lift a finger to help dicanythig. Playing video games to all hours of the night and sleeping all day. Not doing a singe chore when asked. His girlfriend sending me hate texts and he screaming at me and disowning me as his mother. Because I called the police when he refused to go to Detox. I find the more we tried to help him the worse he got. I told him this was his last shot. I felt we owed it to ourselves and him to do his as he is just 18. Heed this information. My son was in jail for 10 days and he begged and pleaded to come home. He got progressively nasty over the past 90 days while we waited for a rehab bed to open up. This was enough to let me know we will not offer this kind of help again. Heed this quote. I didn’t, I couldn’t at the time. I felt too guilty. I am never taking on more responsibility than my son is willing to take on for his drug use and its consequences. I could not survive theirs madness again. I have been known to shove $10 at him in the past to get him to just leave me alone. I grew strength to stop giving him money. Detachment and learning to stop enabling is a continuum. We all do what our hearts and nerves can bear and some days we progress Bette then others. I have no answer for you as to what you should do. I know I sold my sons car and I will never gift him another. I know I bailed my son out of jail and I know I will never do it again. I know I let my son live here while he waited for rehab, while he continued to use drugs, and he will never do that again. I won’t allow it. I have done a lot for him and as long as he is using drugs it will never be enough. He will have to figure out his life from here. After rehab he will not be allowed to live in my home any more. Do what your heart can bear to do. Continue learning how to detach and stop enabling as much as you possibly can. [/QUOTE]
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