Don't dail pain . . don't accept texts.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Mar 26, 2012.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Don't dail pain . . don't accept texts. Same thing.

    difficult child had the nerve to call and demand that we drive the food that she left here yesterday down to the halfway house which is a 45 minute drive from our house. This is after she had a fit last night because we would not let her spend the night here since we had to leave early in the morning. The last time she said she would leave peacefully she threw a fit when it was time to leave so I swore never again.

    She started the text drama again about not being trusted and my going back on letting her come back here after three months in the halfway house. I NEVER told her that and have repeatedly told her that she has to find a place to live after the halfway house program is over.

    I told her that while she has made progress the drama last night just reinforces our decision that she can not ever live here again. I also told her that moving back here would be moving backwards . . . not forward.

    I knew that she would keep this up all night so I just told her that she could come by and get what was left of the food (the frozen stuff had to be thrown out since she left it in my car . . unbeknownst to me until this morning) or borrow money from someone at the halfway house for food and pay them back on Saturday.

    Then I told her that I was turning off my phone for the night because I was tired of her drama.

    And I did.

    Yeah for me. Don't text pain . . . or accept texts that cause pain. Maybe that should be our SA forum motto.

    Last edited: Mar 27, 2012
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think that's a great motto. I don't expect to get any texts or calls from difficult child until she is arrested or out of money but I need to remember this motto.

  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Gosh it is amazing to me how alike all our difficult children are.... and for all those years I thought I was the only one whose child was so extreme and manipulative. It is amazing to me how they think we should trust them after they have done one right thing..... I mean really... however I guess if you have never really experienced being trustworthy maybe you don't know what it really means?

    Kathy you are doing the right thing in standing your ground about her not coming home. With where she is at it would not be long before it was total chaos at your house with her. I think you did a great job of not enabling her!!! And YES on turning your phone off!!!

    I have to say my son is more appreciatve than he used to be of the things we do agree to do for him.... but who knows if that is real or he has just learned that thank you can go a long way in getting to my heart and is just another form of manipulation? I do think that spending some time on the street humbled him some and made him less entitled.

    Course I don't know if any of that will make any real difference in his recovery.

    Time will tell.... he was discharged today.

  4. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Kathy: I also agree that you handled that situation perfectly. You did a great job of setting limits for your difficult child, and you didn't let her manipulate her. Maybe you should keep your phone off every night, so that you aren't bothered by calls from her in the middle of the night.
    Good work, and take care...
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They dont really understand the pain of what they have done to us until someone has done it to them. And it will happen to them out there in the real world. difficult child's attract others just like them and someone eventually will steal from them or use them and then they will be outraged.
  6. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    Maybe that is why I don't care for cell phones - after girlie was harrassing me and I had to call the police to stop her - I just completely turned it off.

    I have reached my limit - I will not take that kind if disrepect and abuse from a family member, much less someone I have met 1 time.

    I agree that they do not fully understand that their actions hurt us so much, mine is too immature to think about that!
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The most therapeutic move that I've ever made was turning off the phones at eight. The brain and the body can only take so much and if nobody else steps up to protect've got to do the job yourself. A good night's sleep makes it possible to hold down a job and function. None of us can do the 24 hour spontaneous lifestyle that our difficult child's live. Just can't happen. Hugs. Good job, Kathy. DDD
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Well... I don't turn them off at EIGHT... but yes, phones off. Every single night.
    And that's WITHOUT having difficult children trying to reach me at all hours. (mine are at home, thank goodness)

    Cell phones get abused. In general. It's just WORSE when you have a difficult child who's off the rails...

  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Excellent work Kathy!
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Yeah for you! Turning off the phone when they act abusively is a good way to refuse the behavior. I've done that too. =RM