Don't even know where to start (LONG)

[JKF]

My difficult child was released from the psychiatric hospital at 7 pm last night. We were home by 7:10 and he was off for a quick bike ride since he'd been locked up for a week. The therapist actually suggested letting him ride his bike for a while to blow off steam. At 8:20 he comes home and says "mom can you come outside for a sec. Don't be mad." I go outside and there sits a "stray" cat in a huge cage and he's got some guy who drove the both of them home. Supposedly he found the cat at the end of our street. Right away this story is not making sense to us. Why would the guy drive him home, where did the cage come from, etc? He starts getting upset and so do we. My husband actually screamed at him which is very rare for my husband. Well, that set difficult child off. He started freaking out in the middle of our driveway. Literally screaming at the top of his lungs. At that point he looked right at me and said "I hate you. I hate you so much and can't wait until you're dead." That did it for me. I called the cops.

He was then taken to the ER for a screening. At that point I learned from the nurse that he really does want me dead and that he told her he's had a plan in place for some time on how to do it. Obviously after hearing that the psychiatrist agreed to readmit him however she didn't feel comfortable sending him back to the same psychiatric hospital since he had inappropriate contact with a girl there. It was mutual on both their parts so I'm assuming they made out or something. Since there were no beds available anywhere I was told that I would have to stay there with him until the morning. They wouldn't even let me leave the hospital to go home and get clean clothes, toiletries, etc. I was put in the psychiatric ward in a different room than him (since he's homicidal towards me) and had my purse, phone, shoes, etc taken away. I was then locked in for the night. Needless to say I'm NOT happy about how I was treated!

This morning, after 15 hours of us being there, they finally decided to let him return to the same psychiatric hospital he had been in since there were no other beds available anywhere. So that's where he is now. Back there, less than 24 hours after he was released against my wishes. I made it clear to the psychiatric hospital, psychiatrist, and clinician that he is NOT coming home! I don't feel safe since he clearly has a death plot against me. They are calling DYFS tomorrow and reporting that I do not want him home but that's fine. Whatever. They can call whoever the hell they want at this point.

As for the cat, my husband took it to the local shelter this morning. That's when he found out that it's actually the shelter's "resident" cat who lives indoors/outdoors via a pet door. So my son didn't really find this stray cat at the end of our street. It turns out he has had his eye on this cat for weeks and last night he actually rode his bike 3 miles to the shelter and took this cat and a cage that was outside. He then proceeded to try to ride home on his mountain bike that way. That's when the guy stopped and drove them home.

I'm so done with all of this! So done! So angry and sad and disappointed that this is what it's come too. difficult child committed a catnapping and then had plans to kill his mother and is now locked in the same psychiatric hospital he was released from yesterday! Yay! Just what I always wanted for him! (please excuse the sarcasm...it's just how I cope sometimes)

Anyway, that's the latest! Sorry so long and thanks for reading if you made it this far!

 

[keista]

WOW ((((HUGS))))

At least you are both safe for now. I'm so sorry this is the way life is unfolding.

As a precaution, did the nurse put the plot into a report of any kind? Can you get a restraining order in place. This is a case where lines get blurred because you are NOT abandoning him - there is a very real death threat against you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[AnnieO]

Clearly, if he had "inappropriate contact", they should have NOT released him - because that's NOT "healthy".

As for the way you were treated - FILE A COMPLAINT. There is nothing, NOTHING AT ALL that says that a parent of an unstable child should be treated like that. GRRRRRR.

I'm glad he's out of the house. Call Children's Services and ask for help. That is what we ended up having to do.

 

[JKF]

As a precaution, did the nurse put the plot into a report of any kind? Can you get a restraining order in place. This is a case where lines get blurred because you are NOT abandoning him - there is a very real death threat against you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm pretty sure the nurse and also social worker reported this plot. I'm not sure about a restraining order at this point. I would have to find out from someone who has more experience with this kind of thing. I've never had my death plotted before (at least that I'm aware of...lol). And thanks so much for the thoughts and prayers! I need all that I can get at this point!

 

[JKF]

Clearly, if he had "inappropriate contact", they should have NOT released him - because that's NOT "healthy".

As for the way you were treated - FILE A COMPLAINT. There is nothing, NOTHING AT ALL that says that a parent of an unstable child should be treated like that. GRRRRRR.

I'm glad he's out of the house. Call Children's Services and ask for help. That is what we ended up having to do.

I know! I can't believe they didn't find it necessary to tell me about this inappropriate contact earlier. I found out last night at 11 pm when I was told they wouldn't take him back there because of it. I'm so disgusted and very angry at this point.

As for filing a complaint...that is DEFINITELY going to happen! They seriously had the nastiest attitude towards me. Like I did something wrong. I can just imagine all the BS difficult child fed them. That's probably why. He was probably like "all I did was try to save a cat and my mean mommy called the police."

I am going to call DYFS first thing tomorrow morning and explain what's going on. I need HELP to keep myself and my child safe at this point. It's not like we hit our kids, neglect them, or abuse them in any way. We live in a nice, clean home and they have everything the need (although definitely not everything they WANT).

 

[keista]

What I REALLY dont get about the locking you up thing was WHY? Now, I could 100% understand them not wanting you to leave. Not even to get toiletries. He's a minor and they are not set up to care for him, so it really makes sense to have you around. BUT what good are you in any kind of capacity if they lock you up? Personally I think I would have been happier/more comfortable on the couch in the waiting room. That way you are there to consult or inform if anything goes awry but you still have your freedom. Hmmmm sounds like an unlawful imprisonment suit - just thinking out loud.

 

[BusynMember]

Making you stay in a room (are they billing you?) and treating you like a psychiatric patient is bizarre. I would be steaming.

I am sorry all this happened, but maybe now somebody will listen to you!

 

[Liahona]

How long until he is 18 yr. old? Then will he be out of foster system (if that is where they'll end up putting him) with a death wish against you? (If they're smart they'll put him in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but I wouldn't hold my breath.) That is why I'd look into getting a protective order now while the incident is fresh. It'll be much harder if you want one latter. He'll probably have to do something drastic again before you can get one.

Good-luck.

 

[gcvmom]

Wow. Just wow.

I'm glad you got him readmitted. No way should he be in your home, and you are wise to refuse his return. I agree with others about checking into a restraining order, and getting documentation of his death threats. It is sad that it's come to this but you have to face reality and keep yourself and the rest of your family safe, because the alternative would be even sadder.

Hang in there. You are doing the right thing.

 

[Steely]

Wow.I didn't even know they could put you in a psyche hospital with your son? Isn't that illegal? What could they hold you for?I am assuming from your profile, that this is the older son? Is he your bio son?I guess I need a little more info from you on your family and diagnosis's.Regardless I am sending many hugs and strength your way.

 

[katattak]

OMG... You knew he wasn't ready. Why the heck do they not listen!!! So sorry to hear. Hugs!

 

[TeDo]

I am so sorry. I am glad you stuck to your guns. Nice work! (pat on the back)

1) Make SURE the plot is in writing. Don't assume it is. Actually ask them to show it to you.

2) Get a protection order. I agree with everyone else that suggested it. Unless you are willing to move where he can't find you when he turns 18 or he gets locked up for life, I would be afraid. Very afraid. His plot isn't going to go away. He clearly blames you for everything. Do not trust that he won't carry out the threat or at least try to. Protect yourself.

 

[DaisyFace]

Since there were no beds available anywhere I was told that I would have to stay there with him until the morning. They wouldn't even let me leave the hospital to go home and get clean clothes, toiletries, etc. I was put in the psychiatric ward in a different room than him (since he's homicidal towards me) and had my purse, phone, shoes, etc taken away. I was then locked in for the night.

This morning, after 15 hours of us being there, they finally decided to let him return to the same psychiatric hospital he had been in since there were no other beds available anywhere. So that's where he is now. Back there, less than 24 hours after he was released against my wishes. I made it clear to the psychiatric hospital, psychiatrist, and clinician that he is NOT coming home! I don't feel safe since he clearly has a death plot against me. They are calling DYFS tomorrow and reporting that I do not want him home but that's fine. Whatever. They can call whoever the hell they want at this point.

This is the **** that never ceases to amaze me!!!

The child is a DANGER to YOU - his mother. So who best to keep him safe and secure from everybody else? Yep - his mother.

The professionals can't handle him? Call the parents. The staff in the secure facility don't know how to get a difficult child under control? Release difficult child to the parents. Docs out of ideas? Let the parents handle it.

And if the parents can't handle the child, or get the child under control, or run out of ideas? The parents get charged with abandonment and neglect.

 

[JKF]

What I REALLY dont get about the locking you up thing was WHY? Now, I could 100% understand them not wanting you to leave. Not even to get toiletries. He's a minor and they are not set up to care for him, so it really makes sense to have you around. BUT what good are you in any kind of capacity if they lock you up? Personally I think I would have been happier/more comfortable on the couch in the waiting room. That way you are there to consult or inform if anything goes awry but you still have your freedom. Hmmmm sounds like an unlawful imprisonment suit - just thinking out loud.

Supposedly their reasoning was that I needed some sleep and they didn't want to put me somewhere where I could take off and leave him. Which I had NO intention of doing anyway. So their reasoning was to put me in the ward with him but in a different room. The thing that makes me so upset is that they treated me like I was the one with the problem. No shoes, no phone, no purse, nothing. I had to call the nurse to let me out to use the bathroom! I couldn't even believe it was happening! It was a total nightmare!!!

 

[JKF]

As for the protection order I will be looking into it today. I have a meeting at the psychiatric hospital in an hour to go over the plan of action. They called me yesterday to inform me that if I'm not willing to come get him in 7 days then DYFS will be called. Fine with me. I didn't want it to have to come to this but he wants to KILL me! Do these people not understand that???

 

[jennd23]

Wow! What a night! So scary what our kids can think isn't it? I can't believe they locked you up too! That doesn't make any sense! Let us know what the higher ups have to say about that one! Yikes!

 

[keista]

As for the protection order I will be looking into it today. I have a meeting at the psychiatric hospital in an hour to go over the plan of action. They called me yesterday to inform me that if I'm not willing to come get him in 7 days then DYFS will be called. Fine with me. I didn't want it to have to come to this but he wants to KILL me! Do these people not understand that???

Put a pre-emptive call into DYFS yourself to find out what may or may not happen.

Supposedly their reasoning was that I needed some sleep and they didn't want to put me somewhere where I could take off and leave him. Which I had NO intention of doing anyway. So their reasoning was to put me in the ward with him but in a different room. The thing that makes me so upset is that they treated me like I was the one with the problem. No shoes, no phone, no purse, nothing. I had to call the nurse to let me out to use the bathroom! I couldn't even believe it was happening! It was a total nightmare!!!

I'm not just thinking anymore, I'm saying. Sounds like unlawful imprisonment. If they didn't make you see a psychiatrist, and they just released you, they cannot backtrack and call it an involuntary commit. Did you sign any consent forms for you to stay? Who's paying for the bed you used? I know you have a REALLY full plate dealing with just the difficult child issues, and this can wait a little while, but collect and keep any and all information pertaining to this in case you deiced to pursue this matter. I wouldn't' be surprised if your letter of complaint was met with an immediate settlement.

((((HUGS))))) and positive thoughts out to you.

 

[CrazyinVA]

They had no right to lock you up, none, nada, zip. I spent many days, evenings, and nights waiting for my difficult children to be admitted at one hospital or another. Never did anyone suggest I do anything but sit in a chair and wait. I'd be absolutely furious, but I also understand you have to pick your battles right now. If you can find the energy, please be sure you've written up as much detail as you can in a journal somewhere, to use later when you're ready to file a complaint, before the details get foggy.

 

[JKF]

I will definitely be filing a formal complaint once difficult child is all squared away. The more I think about it the more ****** I get. At the time I was kind of in "shell shock" and even yesterday it still hadn't really sunk in but today I'm MAD! How dare they treat me like that!

As for difficult child....well, he hates me now. Absolutely 100% hates me. He won't speak to me. Won't take calls or visits. Told the clinician I've abandoned him and he'll never forgive me. I'm heartbroken but I had no choice
.
Things at home were NEVER going to get any better the way they were going and he was NEVER going to stop acting the way he was. If I continued to let him stay at home and do things "his way" he would have ended up in jail just like his bio dad. He's currently in the psychiatric hospital but DYFS will be moving him to the youth shelter tomorrow or Friday while they wait for a bed at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to open up. I'm literally sick over this. He's turned our lives into a living hell but he's still our son and we LOVE him so much. I wish things could have been different. I just hope that someday he will understand that I had to do this to protect him (and ourselves). I hope he can forgive me one day because I really do love that child with all of my heart and soul!

 

[keista]

I'm so sorry for you to have to go through this. Please don't put a lot of stake in his statements. He's trying to give you a guilt trip. in my opinion it looks like classic abuser behavior. Abuser threatens victim and then makes victim feel guilty for protecting themselves.

He is your son whom you love dearly, but you both need some distance right now. I'm hoping right along side you that someday he sees your love and knows your actions were the best for all involved. Keep in mind that that "someday" may not come in your lifetime, but I believe that that "someday" will come for all our difficult children.