Don't ever send a man to...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Abbey, Sep 14, 2009.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen feminine products. Period. I don't know if I told you guys this story, but it just came back as that 'time of the month' came around. I apologize if repeating.

    I'm heading to my reunion, puked on the 13 hour ride and realize EARLY in the trip that I got my period. Well, there's not a lot of grocery stores along I94 and I didn't want to make the guys uncomfortable so I improvised.

    Get to my son's house. My friend asks if I need anything before they leave. I'm still a ripe color of green and said yes. I whisper to him asking me if he could go to the store and get me the biggest pads he could find. Now, this is a guy who has never been married or had a long term relationship.

    He comes back about 30 minutes later. I'm thinking...why did it take him 30 minutes when the store is about 2 blocks away? He gives me the bag and they leave. I go to the restroom and pull out what he bought. I nearly died laughing. First, the pads are about 3 inches thick and 2 feet long. You ain't leaking through these!! Secondly, there was a package of Depends. Depends? What? Does he think women pee themselves during this time?

    Now I know why it took him 30 minutes. He was probably scouring every product, reading the labels, etc. Sweet of him to give it a try, though. I just opened up my closet yesterday and saw those and it brought back such a funny time. H is like...why do you have Depends in there?

    I tell H the story. He gave me that deer in the headlight look and said, "You asked a GUY to go get you pads?" I picked up the Depends, held them in front of me and said...lesson learned.

  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    Well...*snort* they ARE absorbent and you DID say the biggest he could find!!!

    Sweetie...I know you weren't feeling your best or thinking clearly but you KNOW you can't say something like that to a guy and think he's got it down!!!

    I once told husband I wanted a PLAIN taco from Taco Bell. Plain as in a regular taco.

    He came home with a taco shell with 1/2 inch of meat.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    You certainly can't accuse him of not being thorough! Too funny... at least he did give it the ol' college try. Some guys would've left, then come back 2 minutes later to say the store was out of product.
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Save those Depends you may be happy you have them, later in your life.......... I would not have had the guts to even ask this of any male........
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Maybe you can cut them into strips......??? I think I saw that in the tightwad gazette.

    I told you I have a box of shotgun shells you could have. :tongue:
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I love the title..."Never send a man to...." and my response is: buy anything. They will almost always disappoint, humor, humiliate, or duck out on you!!!

    I asked H to pick me up a small jar of fat free mayo yesterday. He bought back the largest jar they had and then complained about the cost all evening.

    Last week I asked him to pick up some turkey bacon. He bought back that thick cut bacon and declared to me that, "Turkey bacon is for sissies". Well, duh, I'm a sissy on a diet, hello?

    I've asked him to pick me up pads and tamons and now he just says no...or better yet, I don't ask. Thank God I have grown daughters who drive and still live at home to run my errands for me.

    Depends. Hahahaha, too funny! I would have stuck them in my closet thinking I'd use them for something someday! Or, mailed them to my mom.
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I didn't mention that the Depends were from Costco and a 48 size bag.:surprise:

  8. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

  9. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Needless to say, I'm stocked for awhile. I thought about sending one of those pads to my friend with just a simple sticky note saying...thanks for the help. He probably wouldn't even touch the thing.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You could send me the depends....depending on the size!

    When Jamie was about 13 we were at a job site waiting for Tony to get off work. All of a sudden I felt...that feeling. You know the one. Woosh. Ugh. There was a Portapotty right next to where I was parked and a CVS drugstore across the parking lot. I could not walk into the store because...well...woosh!

    I gave Jamie money and told him...go get me Always Maxipads with wings. I was quite explicit and told have seen the package at home. Remember the package. He trotted off happily. I had also told him to get us all drinks. He came back in a few minutes carrying the bag. He hands it to me. Bladder control pads. Not Always Maxipads!


    Well...arent they the same thing? These were on the lower shelf and cheaper!
  11. Momslittleangels

    Momslittleangels New Member

    I am laughing so hard - - what great stories. Back when I had my first daughter, I had "stocked up" on pads for after delivery. Well, they weren't heavy duty enough for the first couple of weeks, so I asked hubby to go get me some. He was so embarrassed to do it and a friend of his said he would go with him. Evidently, my husband walked 10 steps behind his friend, because he didn't want to be seen buying them.

    What is with men - - - - do they really think that people would assume THEY would be using these things. I just don't get it.......
  12. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    My son is really good buying feminine products. I guess it has to do with being raised primarily by women. :tongue: It didn't even phase him to go buy me Vagisil. LOL

    But, don't let him buy jelly. I have 3 HUGE jars (cause I kept sending him back) of something that I don't know what it is, but it doesn't resemble any jelly I've ever seen. Going in the donation box.
  13. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Your story was great, but so was your pun!! don't know it was intended or not but:

    "don't ever send a man to the store feminine products. Period."

    I am sure the donation bin would appreciate the Depends...

    Thanks for the laugh. I needed one today!
  14. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    haha, Pepper...was wondering if anyone would get that.

  15. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    husband was the opposite way, I guess. Years back during the Army days I asked him to stop by the PX after evening formation and pick me up some OB tampons.

    He came home and started pulling out at least five different varieties of female products, including my OB.

    He then pulled out one of his little notebooks and started matching entries to the products.

    Turns out that several of the guys in the unit, hearing he was going to buy for me, had asked him to make the purchases for THEIR spouses.

    He went back the next AM with his fatigue pockets stuffed full of female products and discreetly handed them out to the men who had made the requests.

    I still wonder if their wives ever found out that their DHs weren't doing the actual buying!
  16. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    GoingNorth...TOO DARN FUNNY!!!! I guess those guys stick together. I can see the visual right now. He slightly motions them one by one into a corner and delves into his jacket. Joe - here's your stash. Ralph, here's yours. He's like the tampon drug distributor.:surprise:

    Better hope 20/20 doesn't come knocking on your door. That would be quite the interview.

  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    One time, H was buying me my 'supplies' and on the way to the cashier he grabbed his favorite chocolate bar. The cashier commented, "Ah, important supplies - I can relate" (he was a man). H, without thinking, "Oh, the chocolate is for me!" and they both busted up laughing...

    H said the key for a man to buy napkins and tampons is to buy a bunch of randomly disconnected items along with them, such as batteries, a magazine, lettuce and maybe some dish soap.
  18. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Abbers, he used to hand them out on the parade field right after formation was dismissed. You had a huge number of people milling around their sergeants anyway and it was very easy for him to hand off the 'stash' at that time.

    It could be worse. husband used to give out condoms before passes and he did a few demos with bananas from the messhall to make sure they would be used properly.
  19. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Wow what a waste of banana!

    LOL sorry, still young enough to make stupid jokes.

    husband isn't embarrassed at all to admit that he has no clue what I want. So he'll write it on the list, but I have to go get it. Otherwise I will end up with a multipack of super-sized tampons from Sam's Club. I can't use them.

    But the funniest part? When Onyxx was almost 12 and said she wanted pads, not tampons - and then summer hit. So I had to show her how to use them. THAT was fun. Had to demonstrate with my hands. Sur as shootin' couldn't show her reality! Sigh.
  20. Star*

    Star* call 911

    OMG Going North.......I.....THE....He. them.....banana......maccaroni all over my desk......ROFLMAO.....thanks for the spit warning...:laugh:

    If someone would have told me ANYTHING about periods could make you laugh....ONLY WITH THIS GROUP...snort....dang.

    Abbers - Did you read mah new AVATAR verbage? :tongue: I've ridden dressage, but never on a giant jack. Posting was just the bomb!