LittleDudesMom
Well-Known Member
Sharon,
reading all the replies before posting, I find myself nodding my head to two comments that I was thinking myself.
First, Linda questioned what was going to happen when difficult child got bigger and stronger. You said that you were able to stop his hands when it appeared he wanted to strangle you. How much longer will you be able to do this Sharon? What is going to happen when he is stronger than you or stronger than easy child? This situation has dangerous potential. Certainly none of us know what tomorrow will bring, but you can be sure, based on past history, that difficult child will get bigger, stronger, and more violent (if left unchecked).
Second, Fran totally echos my thoughts - she mentioned that difficult child's aggression is not a trigger to situtations he finds challenging, distasteful, etc. His violence is always there, just below the surface and ready to burst forth.
You talked about him falling asleep in the car on the way home from the club. I would be petrifed to take him to the club and place him with other kids after what happened after school. I would be frightened for the other children. I just don't think it's fair at this point to potentially expose others to his level of violence. An elbow in the stomach, a whipping belt, and hands around the throat are a 1, 2, 3 escalation senario. First the elbow and then that was not enough. So, difficult child comes in with a belt - an object that he can use to express his displeasure with your stop the world stuff. When that is not enough to express his anger, he goes to hands around the throat.
Whether he realizes that strangulation would be the outcome or not is not the point. It's downright dangerous.
Last spring and summer when you started the stop the world, it seemed pretty effective for difficult child. I don't think it's working anymore Sharon.
Gosh, we love these kids so much and feel that we can survive one more incident because we feel or love and devotion and the doctors and the medications will eventually help. But it's not working Sharon.
Imagine difficult child three years from now........ Isn't it better to do what needs to be done now rather than see him in a detention center or worse later? At his age now, I think it would be easier to "overlook" some of the behavior and get him help because he has some serious issues. But as other moms on this site have experienced, once these boys get a certain age, the system has no sympathy or understanding when violence happens.
So many hugs to you girl. This must certainly be on your mind 24-7. Not just your fear of what difficult child will do next, but how you can help this boy you love and what the future holds for him. I cannot even really imagine what you are going through...
I do know Sharon, that you don't deserve this. husband needs to be on the same page. He cannot be uneffective by difficult child voilence toward you. His protection instinct and love for you must definately be telling him that something else is called for here.
I think it's time for a severe reality check in the Wiped house. Helping difficult child now, while difficult and devastating, is going to be better for him in the long run - don't wait until it's so out of control that a fellow student, a kid at the daycare at the gym, or easy child is the punching bag. It might be too late...
Tons of hugs.
Sharon
reading all the replies before posting, I find myself nodding my head to two comments that I was thinking myself.
First, Linda questioned what was going to happen when difficult child got bigger and stronger. You said that you were able to stop his hands when it appeared he wanted to strangle you. How much longer will you be able to do this Sharon? What is going to happen when he is stronger than you or stronger than easy child? This situation has dangerous potential. Certainly none of us know what tomorrow will bring, but you can be sure, based on past history, that difficult child will get bigger, stronger, and more violent (if left unchecked).
Second, Fran totally echos my thoughts - she mentioned that difficult child's aggression is not a trigger to situtations he finds challenging, distasteful, etc. His violence is always there, just below the surface and ready to burst forth.
You talked about him falling asleep in the car on the way home from the club. I would be petrifed to take him to the club and place him with other kids after what happened after school. I would be frightened for the other children. I just don't think it's fair at this point to potentially expose others to his level of violence. An elbow in the stomach, a whipping belt, and hands around the throat are a 1, 2, 3 escalation senario. First the elbow and then that was not enough. So, difficult child comes in with a belt - an object that he can use to express his displeasure with your stop the world stuff. When that is not enough to express his anger, he goes to hands around the throat.
Whether he realizes that strangulation would be the outcome or not is not the point. It's downright dangerous.
Last spring and summer when you started the stop the world, it seemed pretty effective for difficult child. I don't think it's working anymore Sharon.
Gosh, we love these kids so much and feel that we can survive one more incident because we feel or love and devotion and the doctors and the medications will eventually help. But it's not working Sharon.
Imagine difficult child three years from now........ Isn't it better to do what needs to be done now rather than see him in a detention center or worse later? At his age now, I think it would be easier to "overlook" some of the behavior and get him help because he has some serious issues. But as other moms on this site have experienced, once these boys get a certain age, the system has no sympathy or understanding when violence happens.
So many hugs to you girl. This must certainly be on your mind 24-7. Not just your fear of what difficult child will do next, but how you can help this boy you love and what the future holds for him. I cannot even really imagine what you are going through...
I do know Sharon, that you don't deserve this. husband needs to be on the same page. He cannot be uneffective by difficult child voilence toward you. His protection instinct and love for you must definately be telling him that something else is called for here.
I think it's time for a severe reality check in the Wiped house. Helping difficult child now, while difficult and devastating, is going to be better for him in the long run - don't wait until it's so out of control that a fellow student, a kid at the daycare at the gym, or easy child is the punching bag. It might be too late...
Tons of hugs.
Sharon