Don't know how much longer I can do this (major vent)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Big Bad Kitty, Jul 22, 2008.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I am seriously at the end of my rope with this kid.

    She argues about everything. She follows me around when I am on the phone, wanting to know who I am talking to and what I am saying. She begs for sweets all day long. She refuses to pick up after herself, even after I have confiscated 4 bags of her belongings. She does not care what I take, as long as she does not have to pick up anything. The very second that either we are not doing something or she has no friend to play with, she whines that she is bored. The whining. OMG the whining. I figured that would stop by 4 or 5. It is getting worse. Her voice is louder, and she just scream-whines as long and loud as she can.

    She refuses to go into her room, so I go into mine to escape her (at least my computer is here). I am getting so sick and tired of having to hole up in MY room because she has a bug up her butt.

    I don't even think the medications are working anymore. She is SO sassy and smart-alek. I am so friggin tired of her yelling at me (yes, HER yelling at ME) because she does not like what I have to say. She does this in public (can you guess how bad i want to smack her across the face?). I swear, it is abuse. She thinks that she is my husband, and I that I have to answer to her.

    Yeah, yeah, I know. Go back to the psychiatrist. Get a medication change. Keep trying to get a neuropsychologist evaluation. Blah blah frickin blah.

    Nope. I've had it. I don't even want to be in the same room with her. I love her more than anything in this world, but I can't stand her. She's mean, manipulative, and conniving. I left her father because he treated me like that. I'll be damned if some pissant kid is gonna treat me like this.

    I don't know what to do. I am almost afraid that I am going to hurt her. I just can't do this anymore.
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Since daddy is across the street, did you try walking her over and ringing the bell? Tell him "Your turn."

    I know, he won't want her, and Miss Fancy Pants won't either, but she sure is pushing! Summer can be the worst, when they are bored and have no routine schedule. The best advice I can give, and it's not much, but I think your only real choice is just to totally disengage. Walk away, don't respond, don't even act like you hear her until she interacts appropriately. It's a big concept for her, so you might have to explain it in a quiet moment before you start trying it. But, it's worth a shot.
  3. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I'm so very sorry you are at the end of your rope. You need to find SOME way to get YOU time to recharge. It sounds as if you were explaining my difficult child....right down to me trying to hide in my room from her (which doesn't work, she kicks the wall & door until I can't take that anymore either). Any possible way at all to get some time to yourself???????????

  4. Christy

    Christy New Member

    So, tell us how you really feel!

    Sorry, I know you are frustrated but I had to smile at the candidness of your post. It's great to have a place to speak your mind with having to sugar-coat it. As you know, we get it. Now if someone could just figure out what to do about it! There are times when I feel like I am being pecked to death by a giant chicken! difficult child's are relentless especialy when they are bored. I like Witz idea, tag Dad and tell him that he's it for awhile!

    Good Luck
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Kitty...I remember those days! Being a single mom is hard enough without a whiny, argumentative, bossy difficult child velcroed to your butt. She's not the boss, she's not in charge, she's not MY mom...and why is she acting like her father? Tagging dad won't do any good, will it? There's always some excuse why he can't have her's just not convenient...I have to work (really?)...there's a ride coming up I have to train for...I'm sick...

    Is there anywhere she can visit for a day or so just to give you some space? When they want us to entertain them is so I look like Ringling Brothers here? Sending many many hugs. been there done that way too many times to count.
  6. Sorry you are having such a hard time with Tink! We definitely all know how you feel though and I agree with Christy about having a place to vent without having to sugar coat it. No one else but our family on here would ever understand when we feel the way you do right now. BUT we do!

    Sending you big cyber hugs! I agree with others about tagging Dad as well as disengaging if you can.

  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    BBK, sorry you're having such a miserable time with Tink.

    I agree about completely disengaging. No facial expression, as few wordss as you can possibly manage, no reaction to outbursts, etc.

    Sending very big {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} your way. Hang in there.
  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Tink and Wynter are obviously long-lost twins. I feel your pain.

  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Send her........TO ME.

    You've got to get a break - (this you know)

    I love the BUYA comment - you know bug up your ###.

    Find a funny phrase - something that the rest of the world would NEVER get and don't share it with anyone. said like Bouy YA...and only you and me know it means BUYA## but it will help give you a mental break from her -

    And you can just walk around going BUYA.....BUYA when she has a BUYA .....and maybe just maybe if said out loud enough it will give you a moments break. And you have to let her hear you saying it......

    i can count to 10 in about 6 languages and say my alphabet backwards - doctor used to tell me to sing the ABC song when upset. When that stopped working I learned it stop the stress.

    Also - Just so you know - I (myself) threw a personal tantrum of mammoth, nae epic proportions and continued to do so for a while when Dude would whine and cry and fit fit fit - I'd throw myself on the floor and make fun of him and flail my arms, kick and cry - and then say I AM THE WORLDS WORST MOTHER - WATCH ME HAVE A TANTRUM THAT SOLVES NOTHING..WHAAAAAAAAAA WHAAAAAAAA flail flail.....WHA.....WAHHHHHHH.....kick kick, scream, flail.......

    (kick ball change, sashay sashay)

    I should - thinking out MYSELF having a tantrum, and yell LIFE ISN"T FAIR, I am BORRRRED.....and you can show it to Tink - it doesn't look any better on a grown up than a kid - and THAT is why I did it for Dude. In the Kmart? It was PRICELESS.
  10. tessaturtle

    tessaturtle New Member

    I'm right there with ya! Hugs and positive vibes for you. I am in the same boat and am trying (and have been for a couple of months now) the disengage thing. BUT (I am finding out) thats nearly impossible if you are the only caretaker at times. So all I can do is let you know that I am right there with ya!
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hugs, BBK. I'm right there with ya.

    I seriously would take her to daddy's and tell him she's yours. Its not optional, its MANDATORY that you get a break. You don't ask often, it won't kill him to arrange is afternoon to take care of her.

    If Miss Fancy Pants don't like it, well, she shoulda married a guy without kids.

    My DEX hasn't had a thing to do with difficult child 2 since mother's day 2003, and I'm tempted to drop him off today. Obviously, I won't, but the thought is going round and round in my brain.
  12. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    do you have any services through the state that might offer a Behavioral assistant or respite? Do you belong to a church that might have a preteen willing to come over and play with her, a lot of Catholic kids need to earn community service points for Confirmation. Vacation Bible schools close by, in the area? If there's any send her, send her to them all! it's normally free and 4 hours of peace a day for you!

    hugs sweeite hang in there
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yup, you definitely need a break!

    I like Star's idea for dishing it right back at 'er. Sometimes outrageous behavior is best met in kind...

  14. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I just told husband that if I were a single Mom K would be in placement right now. I can barely take it and there are 2 of us!
    At least some of us here know how you feel. ;( Not that that makes it any better or easier.
    It is so easy to say take a break, but some days it doesn't help.
    Hang on hang on hang on... you know all of the words.
    Huge big hugs. I have to clench my fists on many days... try to remember she is 7 and she really does "need" you, not Miss Fancy #$*...
    Your lessons will pan put one day, look at how you turned out! Don't laugh, you are awesome!!!
    But really Dad should at least help a bit more...
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I seriously don't know how you single moms do it. My difficult child does the constant whining thing (at 11 and still going strong) but husband and I can do some tag teaming.

    I hate when they do the following thing. If we tried to escape to our room difficult child would just put more holes in the door!

    I agree with the others, you need some serious respite! Have you googled respite in your area to see if there is anything available?

    Sending many gentle hugs your way tonight.
  16. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    BBK- There's an air mattress in my basement with your name on it...

    Staying at Hotel TM offers the following amenities:

    *Air conditioning
    *Wireless internet access
    *Above ground swimming pool
    *Complete laundry facilities
    *Satellite TV
    *A well-stocked pantry
    *Whirlpool tub
    *Work out room
  17. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh, many of you don't know about what is going on with her dad & miss sparkle fanny.

    The last time Tink was there for the weekend, their little guy (almost 2) hit Tink. Actually, he hit her several times. Well Tink finally got fed up with it and hit him back. Sparkle fanny came flying around the corner and started ripping Tink a new one. "Don't you DARE touch my baby" "NOBODY hits MY baby" and finally "Tink, you are no longer welcome in MY home". Tink's 2 older brothers called me and I went and picked up Tink AND them and kept them at MY house. So I did not ge a break THAT weekend (in fact, I had 2 extra kids). Then 2 weekd later (this past weekend) it was supposed to be Tink's visit with her dad again, but Tink refused to set foot in Sparkle Fanny's home (do you blame her?) so instead her father took her to HIS mother's house for a few hours. Not quite the weekend break that I was counting on. Anyways, he was not in the room when Sparkle fanny told Tink that she was not welcome in "her" home anymore. I told him just the other day what she said. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. He moved out of there and in with his mother. Yay, we don't have to see that witch anymore. However, he now lives 45 minutes away.

    At any rate.

    Thank you all for your responses. Of course I just got done snuggling with her and singing her to sleep. I wish that ALL the time could be this pleasant.
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad she went to sleep nicely.

    And I'm really glad her dad moved out! Whew. (A silver lining!)

    I almost got PTSD reading your note, it was so much like my difficult child. Following me around, arguing, trying to take control.
    But he's at camp. Amen.

    I hope that tomorrow is better. You DO need a break. I know how you feel.
  19. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    So now that he is living with Mom will he be around or available more? Will he help or try more?
    I would be livid with Miss non-Sparkle Rump! I can't believe you did not go and rip her a new one.
    I just don't know. You can get yourself and the little Tinkerbell out here to Ideeho and you can drive with me down to Tucson! With the 2 cats also... Tink can sit shotgun with husband part of the way and entertain him...
    We would probably never let you guy's leave!!! You and husband could sit around and watch all of the Chicago teams, while me and the girls hung out around the pool... back and forth.

    Hang in there. Thinking of you tonight!
  20. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Ooh! Ooh!

    I left out the best part about staying here:

    *Three gorgeous and loving kitties!