Don't know what I was thinking.....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Nov 14, 2010.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I still seem to be in over my head ~ in fact things are getting worse before they get better.

    I'm so grateful that my brother & sister in law took over as financial POA for me as I'm not keeping up with bills while spending as though husband were still alive & bringing in a salary. I'm going to be put on an allowance of sorts while they sort things out. For that I'm very relieved as the dog trainer for Lenny (my service dog) talked me into purchasing a doggy treadmill. Another $500 out the door.

    I bought 2, count 'em, 2 dogs. I can't afford 2 dogs & didn't talk to anyone or ask anyone for their help before I jumped in...

    Now I'm in the unenviable position of having to (most likely at this point) sell kt's (well really mine) Lhasa Apso as he's interfering with Lenny's service dog duties. Plus there was this adventure of a rabbit dying in my back yard last week ~ a fight ensued between Lenny & Teddy (the Lhasa); the end result was a $200 vet bill.

    by the way, do not put you hand between fighting dogs ~ I have 9 puncture wounds in my hands, some very infected. Going back to MD tomorrow for another xray & an updated tetanus shot.

    It comes down to taking care of me; not buying a dog because kt got tears & manipulative over a 2nd dog she's not taking care of or exercising. Not giving into wm's continual demands on his terms, not mine.

    I really believe I'm going to go thru the legal process of TPRing wm as I can no longer keep up with his demands; the needs for his many meetings. I will be his mother but the legal, custodial & guardian issues will be out of my hands. Today I'm thankful for that. There are many meetings & legal issues to work out before this occurs however the more I think about it the better it sounds. I really do love this boy, I cannot parent him with-o husband here. For some reason husband kept him a lot more "balanced" for lack of a better word, than I can. I'm a woman you see & he has little to no respect for women.

    My mind & body seems to have shut down; especially my mind. My ability to think things through clearly & with-o extreme emotion. The tweedles have taken their toll; more importantly I have allowed it to happen.

    Thanks for the ear, shoulder. I wish I could contribute more ~ just cannot remember much of late that I can offer. Sometimes a hug just isn't enough for a struggling parent.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry you're going thru this. You remain in my thoughts and I;'m also glad you have a trusting relative to help you. Wm knows you love him, I'm sure, and it sounds like you are making pretty rational decisions in that regard.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm so sorry Linda. It's nice for your brother to help you with finances. I know for a few years following my Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) I couldn't make head nor tails out of the household bills. It was frustrating. Money.....and math in general.......was not happening except on a very simple scale for a long time. And I still have my blank moments. ugh

    I don't get in between my dogs when they fight...........I grab collars from the back and pull them apart, gives me enough room that I don't get bitten in the process. Yeah, not supposed to do that either........but I can't afford the vet bills. I also now keep the 2 dogs separated at all times. It's making them both depressed but since I never know when the jealousy bug is going to kick in on Betsy.......I have no choice. It is that or get rid of one of them, and I'm not ready to consider that yet.

    As for kt's dog........if she's not caring for it, no need for her to have it. Your service dog is a necessity and comes first priority.

    Sounds like you're making some wise decisions to me.

  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I know what you mean about writing without any real advice to offer...

    Sometimes, though, support is all we can offer one another.

    Take care of you! You deserve it...
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Linda, you are an amazing person. People tell me I should write a book; I defer and tell them yours would be much better.

    I came here several years ago, and you were a "wise old-timer" when I got here; and you still are. You have fought some unbelievable battles, and continue to do so, with dignity, conviction, and dedication that are just amazing.

    I know you don't like being called a saint, and I didn't understand that at first. I do, now. But don't kid yourself; you're amazing, nonetheless.

    I don't have much advice, but I can offer a hug and a prayer.
  6. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    What Shari said...
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Darlin I've not been here long enough to know you well, but you've come this far and helped many. Hang in there, you know it will get better in time.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What Shari said is so true! You and the tweedles remain in my daily prayers. Love you!
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    klmno, wm thinks I love him ~ he doesn't entirely trust it. He tests me all the time. I truly appreciate you thoughts.
    Lisa, the acquired brain injury has hit me hard ~ the first year after husband died was all about survival. This year was to be about rehab & addressing my cognitive/memory issues. I doubt I'll ever enter my career of accounting again. I'm so proud that you've made it thru to your graduation & onto a new career. You're my hero.
    DF, thank you so much for the assurance that a hug means much to many. I forgot that.
    Shari, I'll write a book if you help. We can combine the tweedle's story with Wee's ~ should be a best seller in the mental health community - or not.
    HaoZi, thank you - it will truly "out" for me in the end.
    Sharon, you can help Shari & I with a book - it should be made required reading in pysch courses. I, as always appreciate your thoughts & prayers.

    DF, of course will illustrate our work in progress.

    The TPR for wm is working out to be soley a safety measure for kt & myself once wm hits 18. I'd like to move from this state - not much keeping me here other than wm & a poor housing market. For kt's safety I'd like to be out of here; for more family support I'd like to be closer to my family. The TPR has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with my health issues. It's an insurance policy that keeps wm in a "contained" housing setting upon reaching adulthood. The team is pushing this for my safety & for kt's safety. Then there's wm safety.

    What more can be said?

    Thank you ladies - this board has helped me in more ways than I can count. There's always been common sense combined with a somewhat twisted sense of humor that keeps me moving forward. Now it's time to move forward for my health - healing in my brain, my emotions.

    The next year of ongoing, nonstop rehab should give us some ideas of the health & healing from my brain injury/infection. Only time will tell ladies.

    I may need to have a party - cyber party time, you think? How about a few of those Sex with an Alligator drinks we were ordering in Cleveland - does anyone remember? I don't - think I had 2. We need another CD board gather next summer. What do you all think?

  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending more hugs. I agree, we should get together again this summer...Cleveland was such fun!
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Yeah, and I wanna come this time!!!
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You have done so much, and been through so much, over the last decade plus. I am glad your brother is helping with the finances. Maybe he can get the doggie treadmill returned if it is a financial burden. Or sold on ebay or whatever. There is no point in having a dog for kt if she does not take care of it. It is a life lesson that we all must learn sometime.

    It is time for you to focus on you. The TPR for wm seems like a very good decision. I am glad that you did not give in to it immediately when it was suggested. Taking time to think it through and to get help understanding all of it is important. I would LOVE to read a book you and Shari write. Even though my keyboarding is attrocious, I really am good at proofreading. I will happily proofread your book if you want!

    Don't worry about how much you can contribute here. Just by being here you contribute. You are part of our family and we love you no matter what. You don't have to earn our love, respect or affection. You also cannot lose them.

  13. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I totally agree with what Shari said... You're always in my thoughts and prayers too... Hugs... SFR

    P.S. I hope that if there is a board get together next year, I'll be able to come...
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Road Trip!!!!!!
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911


    You are without a doubt one of the most brave women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting (cyberly speaking/phone talking) in my life. Just know that the life you have lead, the things that you have accomplished in it and the character with which you present yourself to the world always, ALWAYS leave me in awe of what a wonderful creature you continue to be. Irregardless of a dog treadmill - holy guacamole woman - do you know how many things I've purchased in my life that I DO NOT NEED? Ish......

    I'm glad to hear you have accepted help. Again - you are a teacher in things that some of us have yet to face, and may have to some day - so I hope that if or when we face these things we do it with as much grace, humbleness, and acceptance as you have taught us. Whoda thunk that at this stage of the game you'de be all the things you've been and a teacher? You're an incredible woman. I'm glad to call you my friend.

    Oh and as far as Wm? Yeah - well........(exhales) boys seem to test you over and over, and over, and over. Dude is 20 and I think maybe now after living with Daddy Disney and seeing life first hand that I wasn't fabricating ANY of my former life and that he really did have it good. In time WM will appreciate you for you. Sometimes it takes you NOT being there and someone else stepping in for him to realize that. This is HIS life's journey - you get to be a part of it - took me a while to be okay with that too.

    Oh and as far as Lhasas? Yeah well - they can be loving - but mostly noted for NOT being the most forgiving of breeds. So don't be too hard on yourself there. I think at this point I'd be finding one or two a new forever home and making MY life a little less stressful. Dogs are a HUGE responsibility, but when they become YOUR responsibility after a teen has said "Oh I want a dog?" It's not fair to the dog.

    Hugs and Love
  16. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Star, thank you for the kind works (when are we mtg in person, girl?). Do you remember any of my tirades here? Teddy, the Lhasa has been placed in a different home as of Friday night.

    Lenny is my service dog (hearing & help with memory) & not to be distracted with in home training. Things have calmed down remarkably around here. The "Lenster" is sitting at my feet even as we speak.

    wm understands that I am afraid of him ~ I always said "never let 'em see you sweat". wm saw me sweat at the last visit & he hasn't been here to visit since. And is no longer welcome in my home. wm may or may not overcome all that happened to him; time will tell. He has all the interventions in the world so much of it lays on his shoulders. psychiatrist doesn't think wm's brain is "wired" to be able to manage.

    My brother & his wife are turning into my biggest advocates ~ I love that. I never thought I'd like handing over such a huge part of my life over yet they are pit bulls in protecting my interests. It feels good to be cared for, it really does.
  17. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    Good for you, Linda.

    I like the Lenster and I've never even met him.
  18. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member


    You have gone above and beyond in caring for others. I'm glad you're having a season where you get to be the recipient of the caregiving. You have more than earned it, and it's wonderful that you're willing to accept it.

    With great admiration and many gentle hugs,

  19. Star*

    Star* call 911

    WAIT A MINUTE - you can get a service dog to help with hearing and NOT.....NOT throw things at your fiance? Plus get a cool name like Lenster? OMG - I think we're redooing that Lions Club application - forget the hearing aids - I'm voting for service dog. The mans brain is swiss cheese after all the pain medications. Wonder if they can give him a Pitbull? How cool is that for you.

    I'm sorry to hear about WM. I think too and wondered about his brain mapping after all you had shared. Like we talked about - there IS a special corner of Hades for those people that believe it's okay to take advantage of another human being like that. Someday he won't be like this - and he'll know who his Mother is, and who loves him unconditionally. He does now - of that I'm sure. Just so much confustion in such a young person.

    I'm not sure when we'll meet. If I get my CDL - I may be all over - that'd be so cool. If I'm just E. Coast - then reunions are dooable. I've never been to Wonderland. Sounds marvey.