Don't know what to do with my son

Marty Gilroy

New Member
new to forum. 1st post. Son is 18 . Already didn't make it last year in college. supposed to go again this Sept. I''m not sure if he's ready. He recently got clean from all substances on his own. the problem is that he can't make it through a day without getting depressed. He doesn't want to go to any doctors or take any medications. basically has no friends now to hang with since they all just smoke everyday. He gets very frustrated with life and is very negative. He's very naturally smart. thanks....

Your son may need to engage with peers who are clean & sober. All of us develop social skills as we grow/age and discover that what we thought we true may not be any longer. I'd want my son to meet with peers in recovery. And I know this sounds crazy, but repeating positive affirmations again & again helps. You could even start talking with him about this, re: son,, I noticed that you made a point to acknowledge XYZ today (or yesterday). For my sake, will you say aloud that you acknowledged XYZ. I'd like each of us to acknowledge the good things we do, so both of us can build on that. Life provides enough hardships. Let's focus on what we do well and/or extend ourselves to others.
 

Robert44

Member
Just an update... My son went to the dr and he put him on 10 mg of Lexipro. My son agreed to take it so far. Only problem is it could take anywhere from 2 weeks to a month for it to work. He goes to college in a week. I pray it helps him. He was laughing and having fun most of the night. Then out of nowhere he got quiet and didn't want to talk to anyone. didn't look well. The depression just comes like that out of nowhere. breaks my heart. keep on plugin and prayin, thanks all. good night
 

GoingNorth

Crazy Cat Lady
Jennifer, severe depression requires more than time in a lot of cases, and intelligence doesn't make it easier to recover from depression.

In fact, the more intelligent a person is, the greater the likelihood that they will suffer from clinical depression.

Severe clinical depression requires, at the very least, counseling with a counselor trained in modern therapeutic techniques, and in many cases, one or more medications.

In addition, a healthy, clean diet, sufficient sleep with the hours being the same EVERY day (sleep hygiene), and regular exercise, are all great helps in managing severe depression.
 
uhmmm yeah Going north. You are right. Even I am going through this situation now. As in I am depressed. She said he is smart so my point was he would recover as smart people can easily come out of situations. And what you said is correct too. I would definitely follow the tips that mentioned above
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
  1. Clinical depression is not just feeling sad. It is a medical condition caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. You can no more come out of it because you "figure it out" than you can think your way out of epilepsy or pneumonia. it is a brain disorder that often requires medical trestment. I have had to fight clinical depression all my life and have been hospitalized three times for it. Severe depression is less likely to respond to talk therapy and exercise than mild depression.
it can be debilitating.

Mental illness is actually a highly hereditary brain disorder that affects our moods and even sometimes, as in schizophrenia, our ability to tell reality from fantasy. It affects brilliant people as well as average folks. John Nash had schizophrenia, for example.

Creative oeople are more prone to any mood disorder. This is proven. I am very creative snd no dummy. and think of creative genises like Hemingway and Dickinson and how many sgow business snd musival icons commit suicide or use hsrd drugs and sometimes die from that too.

Being smart never hurts...you may then have the ability to realize you need help. But it also doesnt help to be smart if you go untreated or turn to street drugs as a way of self medicating. Im not a movie fan, but I do know that many movie stars now and from the past suffer from mood disorders. Vivian Leigh,Jim Carey, Robin Williams, Carrie Fisher, Patty Duke Astin and Robert Downey Jr. are just a few of a long list. Google up "famous creative people who had mood disorders" and you will get a long list. Abraham Lincoln wrote in letters about his depression, for example. He was kind of smart...

Depression is more than just feeling sad. Your body rhythms tend to get screwed up too. You can't eat at all or eat too much. you can't sleep, although you desperately need to, or you sleep all the time to forget how bad you feel. These things make it worse. An inability to concentrate or focus and not being motivated or able to find joy in anything are other symptoms. Also bad anxiety often accompanies.

You can't think your way out of it. Depression is actually quite serious and can lead to somrbody trying to take his life. Many don't understand depression and tell the person to "snap out of it." That makes the sick person feel worse plus misunderstood. You cant just snap out of it at will.

I had no choice but to learn all about depression as mine was very severe. I had to take medication and the first ones you try may not work. But there are now tests you can take yo find out which medication will help you the most. It is just a swab of the cheek.

I hate the feeling of depression so I comply with medication and also go to therapy to learn ways to calm down. Therapy can help mild depression, but usually not severe. Anxiety is also biologically based, but you can be taught to slow your body rhythms down so that therapy for anxiety can work well.Less so depression.

I want to live a full life. I think of my inherited mental illnesses like diabetes. I tske my medications and go to therapy and live a great life. if I hadnt agreed to medical treatmrnt, it is likely I would hsve killed myself. Depression untreated is as painful as a broken leg that is not treated.

Sometimes it remits on its own.More likely than not, if one is prone to depression, it comes back. So I recommrnd seeing a psychiatrist.

Natural remedies did not work for me at all. But they can always be tried first. Unfortunately often the natural method tried is pot and pot doesnt help depression...it just makes you spacy so that you done care you are depressed. Unfortunately it also often causes psychological dependence and a further lack of motivation. Pot is moy the way to go,but often young people choose it. They like the high and disconnected feeling.
 
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mof

Momdidntsignupforthis
I think all these things are hard when it affects our young men and women. College students in New situations and the fact that their brains are still forming.

Great that they accept help!!
 

Robert44

Member
@GoingNorth @SomewhereOutThere Wow you both summed it up very well. Hit the nail on the head. My son goes through this depression everyday. For no reason he just gets quiet, doesn't want to talk, looks bothered , annoyed etc.... Nothing happened to cause this... IF I ask him what's wrong he doesn't know why he feels like this.I do not suffer from depression so i didn't get it at first. Nothing would go wrong and he would always be so unhappy. Like I said he is brilliant. He doesn't have to work at being smart. In some ways it would have been better if he wasn't so smart. He too analytical. You nailed it regarding the pot. He smoked for 5 years everyday. He had no motivation except thinking about his next high. That also gave him a group to hang with. Somewhere out there.... You mentioned a "swab of the cheek " as a test to see which medication might work. Never heard of that. Could you please tell me more about that? thank to all of you for your thoughts.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Depression/extreme anxiety affected me young and did not get better with age. Psychiatric Treatment is the best way to go. Like any illness, severe depression does not just disappear because of brain growth. Depression is not caused by immature brains or self pity.

On the other hand immature brains may, in a puzzling way, reject supervised depression medication and therapy, saying they don't work (these medications take 4 to six weeks to kick in and you dont get high. You just go back to normal. Some young people like the instant relief of street drugs and alcohol, that usually lead to worse problems and certainly extreme side affects of everything from pot to meth to cocaine to heroin. Makes no logical sense.

Then they get impatient with more successful treatment that takes more time and hard work in often tough therapy. Once an addict, you fight it all your life. Much better to try traditional treatment than turn to instsnt relief street drugs, which becomes just a bigger issue on top of the still there depression underneath.

Immature, yes. But some young people do reject street drugs and do regular treatment.I did. Not patting myself on the back...I just didnt want to add addiction to my other mental illnesses. I ran from drugs and have never been drunk in my life. I knew those things were the last thing my brain needed amd I desperately strove to be happy. It took time and work, but was worth it.
 
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ksm

Well-Known Member
Robert44- there is now a DNA test that is done by swabbing the inside of your cheek. This tells the doctor what liver enzymes you have I. Your system that metabolizes the medication. Each medication needs specific enzymes to work properly. One of my daughters had twice as many of a specific enzyme, so she would metabolize it faster than others. The other is missing a specific enzyme needed for some medication. I was told that these enzymes do not change over your lifetime, except maybe if you have liver failure.

Once they have ran this test, it will give a list of suggested medications for the doctor to try. Plus a list to use with caution, and a third list to use with extreme caution. Every medication that they had tried before was in that third list!

I can't say that it was the magical answer to medications...but it did cut back on side effects. But my daughter was very resistant to taking medication and would frequently throw the days pills away.

If considering the DNA testing, make sure you find out the cost, and get pre approval from your insurance. It could be costly if paid out of pocket.

KSM
 

gcvmom

Here we go again!
Robert44- there is now a DNA test that is done by swabbing the inside of your cheek. This tells the doctor what liver enzymes you have I. Your system that metabolizes the medication. Each medication needs specific enzymes to work properly. One of my daughters had twice as many of a specific enzyme, so she would metabolize it faster than others. The other is missing a specific enzyme needed for some medication. I was told that these enzymes do not change over your lifetime, except maybe if you have liver failure.

Once they have ran this test, it will give a list of suggested medications for the doctor to try. Plus a list to use with caution, and a third list to use with extreme caution. Every medication that they had tried before was in that third list!

I can't say that it was the magical answer to medications...but it did cut back on side effects. But my daughter was very resistant to taking medication and would frequently throw the days pills away.

If considering the DNA testing, make sure you find out the cost, and get pre approval from your insurance. It could be costly if paid out of pocket.

KSM

We were just offered (and accepted) this test on Monday! I am REALLY looking forward to getting the results and hopeful it will help us target better medication therapies. Its' been SO hard trying to get the medication mix right over the years...
 

ksm

Well-Known Member
Gvcmom - let is know what you find out on the DNA test. I found it very interesting and didn't know how liver enzymes affected medication metabolism. KSM
 
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