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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 707770" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I am so sorry about all this. I know how it wounds us. Is there a father? Have you ever surprised her but demanding a drug test? I believe she and boyfriend are both using heavy duty drugs and that is why she stesls. It makes sense. First i recommend that test. Then, i share the rest.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes our adult kids do things we dont understand. We love them so much that we try to deny it or we give them a hundred second chances or we believe their promises that they never keep. This is normal for loving mothers. We dont want to think our children are not good people. We take their problems personally. We cry. I did. We cant see straight. I didnt.</p><p></p><p>Hon, your daughters behavior and boyfriend decision are red flags for drug abuse. Addicts steal to sell things to support their habit. Even $20 helps buy. My daughter, who is an ex addict, explained that you stop caring about anything but the drug. It is part of the illness. To me this makes the most sense why your daughter steals. Why else would she tolerate a drug user and dealer as a boyfriend? Do you allow him in your house? These are just my thoughts.</p><p></p><p>I always told my kids that if they did something illegal id call the police. I called the cops on my fifteen year old daughter for drug use, especially because she confessed that her drug dealer was a 35 year old man that we knew. We wanted to stop him from messing with minors and teach my daughter that we will not tolerate illegal stuff in our house. She eventually quit all drug use, even cigarettes. It has been twelve years.</p><p></p><p> I believe we as parents need to show our kids that illegal behavior is not something we will ever put up with. Ever. If your daughter ends up in prison, for theft of somebody who does not care about her or for drugs, her record will be much worse than if you turn her in for stealing from you. Your love of her is telling her she can steal from her family with no consequences. This is not really good for her or your other children. Although it is because you love her, it is still a mother letting criminal behavior go. And not protecting the other siblings. She needs to understand stealing is a bad thing with consequences. Serious consequences. Family or not. How dare she steal from those who love her. Her siblings are going to turn on her and perhaps eventually be mad at you for allowing daughter to be in home, able to take their cherished belongings. Its a lose/lose to keep turning the other cheek in my opinion, although I get it. But you are choosing this daughter over the rest of the family, those who are not doing criminal behavior. That includes yourself. You matter. Your pain matters. Your belongings matter. Your home/your sancuary should in my opinion be a place of peace and comfort.</p><p></p><p>If this were me, she could not live in our home ever. I probably would meet her in public restaurants and not let her in the house since she steals. Id change the locks. Yes, she is your beloved daughter. She also is doing criminal behavior and probably associating with drug dealers who can hurt, even kill you, you and the rest of your family. They deserve protection from your daughter. So do you.</p><p></p><p>Right now your daughter, and I do know how much this hurts you, does not seem to care about the welfare of her family. So you have to maybe make painful decisions both to protect others from her and to teach your daughter that this is not what you taight her and that if she violates your values, she is not welcome in the house. We did that. My daughter came around. Is it a guarantee? No. But she cant steal from you and violate those who love her if she isnt home.</p><p></p><p>In the end, we all do what wr feel is best. We share our experiences. Thats all. It is up to you. Have ypu had a family meeting with your other kids to see how they feel? You are the head of your own house, but we always had family meetings. If you havrle onr dont include oldest dsigjter or the others wont feel safe speaking their true feelings.</p><p> She is your daughter, but is not behaving like a caring family member right now.</p><p></p><p>Love and big hugs and sadness for your hurting heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 707770, member: 1550"] Hi there. I am so sorry about all this. I know how it wounds us. Is there a father? Have you ever surprised her but demanding a drug test? I believe she and boyfriend are both using heavy duty drugs and that is why she stesls. It makes sense. First i recommend that test. Then, i share the rest. Sometimes our adult kids do things we dont understand. We love them so much that we try to deny it or we give them a hundred second chances or we believe their promises that they never keep. This is normal for loving mothers. We dont want to think our children are not good people. We take their problems personally. We cry. I did. We cant see straight. I didnt. Hon, your daughters behavior and boyfriend decision are red flags for drug abuse. Addicts steal to sell things to support their habit. Even $20 helps buy. My daughter, who is an ex addict, explained that you stop caring about anything but the drug. It is part of the illness. To me this makes the most sense why your daughter steals. Why else would she tolerate a drug user and dealer as a boyfriend? Do you allow him in your house? These are just my thoughts. I always told my kids that if they did something illegal id call the police. I called the cops on my fifteen year old daughter for drug use, especially because she confessed that her drug dealer was a 35 year old man that we knew. We wanted to stop him from messing with minors and teach my daughter that we will not tolerate illegal stuff in our house. She eventually quit all drug use, even cigarettes. It has been twelve years. I believe we as parents need to show our kids that illegal behavior is not something we will ever put up with. Ever. If your daughter ends up in prison, for theft of somebody who does not care about her or for drugs, her record will be much worse than if you turn her in for stealing from you. Your love of her is telling her she can steal from her family with no consequences. This is not really good for her or your other children. Although it is because you love her, it is still a mother letting criminal behavior go. And not protecting the other siblings. She needs to understand stealing is a bad thing with consequences. Serious consequences. Family or not. How dare she steal from those who love her. Her siblings are going to turn on her and perhaps eventually be mad at you for allowing daughter to be in home, able to take their cherished belongings. Its a lose/lose to keep turning the other cheek in my opinion, although I get it. But you are choosing this daughter over the rest of the family, those who are not doing criminal behavior. That includes yourself. You matter. Your pain matters. Your belongings matter. Your home/your sancuary should in my opinion be a place of peace and comfort. If this were me, she could not live in our home ever. I probably would meet her in public restaurants and not let her in the house since she steals. Id change the locks. Yes, she is your beloved daughter. She also is doing criminal behavior and probably associating with drug dealers who can hurt, even kill you, you and the rest of your family. They deserve protection from your daughter. So do you. Right now your daughter, and I do know how much this hurts you, does not seem to care about the welfare of her family. So you have to maybe make painful decisions both to protect others from her and to teach your daughter that this is not what you taight her and that if she violates your values, she is not welcome in the house. We did that. My daughter came around. Is it a guarantee? No. But she cant steal from you and violate those who love her if she isnt home. In the end, we all do what wr feel is best. We share our experiences. Thats all. It is up to you. Have ypu had a family meeting with your other kids to see how they feel? You are the head of your own house, but we always had family meetings. If you havrle onr dont include oldest dsigjter or the others wont feel safe speaking their true feelings. She is your daughter, but is not behaving like a caring family member right now. Love and big hugs and sadness for your hurting heart. [/QUOTE]
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