If you want to have a lot of contact with your difficult son, i recommend just sticking to benign topics. Like how are you doing. When he complains listen without commenting. Badgering him to do better or stay clean will oly make him mad and abusive to you. You can not reason with most of our difficult kids and they dont want our two sense. Who knows what he means? in my opinion you need to set boundaries. And not feel one twinge of guilt. He deserves nothing but your love, not you listening to his crapola, since he has chosen to go to jail twice rather than follow our laws.
9If he wont speak respectfully, you may want to tell him you will hang up if he is not respectful. You dont have to listen to f bombs and abuse. And you cant analyze what he means when he is on a rant. He probably means he wants more money on his account. I would give him very little.
Your son has not committed to being drug free. There are ways to get drugs in jail. Drugs are there. You assume he will stay clean. Im not sure that is his goal. Are you?
Maybe limit calls to once a week, ten minutes, and only if he speaks kindly. You must try to move on with your own life. You cant control this son. And it is best not to try. It will only hurt you. I hear how dostraught you are in your posts. I get it. You would die for him. He is your child. You are afraid for him.
But sadly many do not chose good lives and we cant change another person. One day he may get sick of his life. It happens. But he isnt there right now. You HAVE to take care of yourself. You matter. Do you have other loved oes and dear friends you can focus on? Do you ever focus on yourself?
You cant give up on another person. Only they can give up on themselves. Giving him money does not empower him. In fact, it can cause problems. He is not making sense. He has to change, and it has to come from deep within him, not from you.