Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Apr 21, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I have been eating up the boards, for which I'm sorry. But I appreciate all the support.

    I am trying to keep the humor, but I am struggling. Right now, I'm feeling trapped by the school district, and difficult child is paying the price. I beleive, with the right environment, that difficult child CAN succeed. If you will recall, difficult child is a carbon copy of his father, and his father, to say the least, is not a successful, happy, productive member of society. If it weren't for his parents' money, he'd be in prison.

    But we're running out of time with difficult child. The longer he fights in school, the more habitual it becomes, and the more habitual it becomes, the more he learns to deal with his shortcomings in ineffective and counter-productive methods. Our window for "early intervention" is closing quickly.

    I am really fighting the urge to quit my my job and shadow difficult child. I have no idea how we'd make it, but it seems the only way to give difficult child a fair shot at this point. I said I would do everything I could to give difficult child the best shot at a future a could. What he's getting right now, isn't the best shot. I know its the school's job to educate and handle difficult child, but they're failing, and he's the one that ultimately will pay the price. Can I live with that?

    Anyway, I just needed to come cry. I've been trying to keep the humor, but in the past 10 days have been trying and I'm not doing so hot tonight.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I'm so sorry you're going through all this stress. It's obvious you really love your difficult child. He is lucky to have you on his side. It's true that a school system can destroy a child's chance at a productive future, my difficult children are the victims of a lousy and uncaring one. You are a real fighter AND a well informed mother. Cry away, I think things will get better thanks to your tenacity. (((HUGS))).
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Shari, I am so sorry you are feeling frustrated and hopeless right now. You are doing a great job though. You keep on top of what is going on with difficult child. Hopefully the change in guards will help.

    It so hard to send your young difficult child off to school with teachers who do not know how to teach him. Keep on filling the boards. We want to help if/when possible. Hopefully someone's words of suggestions will work for you.

    Hang in there. You are a warrior mom!

  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Shari -

    I think your fears are valid. I often wonder if things would be different had we gotten school interventions when the problems really became intense. For her, that was the second grade. We were doing everything we could outside of school, but they spend a big chunk of their waking hours in school. It's critical that they get the appropriate services there as well.

    I understand how frustrated you are and you have every right to be. I'm frustrated for you. Don't apologize for "eating up the boards". It's why we're here.

    I'm thinking a board visit to your SD is in order. Let's see Pretty Boy stand up to all these angry board aunties. :devil:

    I wish I could do more.

  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Shari, you're an amazingly strong woman and an awesome mom who's done everything you could think of to do, and then some. I am truly in awe of your strength and determination. I understand your fears about difficult child becoming like his father, I worry about Miss KT as well.

    Many, many hugs. Vent as often as you need to.
  6. jal

    jal Member

    Shari - You are having such a hard time, it is totally appropriate for you to come and vent here. I understand your pain as far as how your child is behaving in school as I have had the same struggles there, but not the struggles you face day to day with the educators and administrators. in my opinion, FWIW, it is time for your difficult child to move to a therapeutic school. That is the only place where the teachers and paras will be tolerable and knowledgeable in handling your childs needs. My difficult child would rage in mainstream, throw chairs, hit and scratch teachers, was a flight risk, etc. We had the IEP, the FBA, the BiPolar (BP), a para and some things helped and some did not.

    It is not your responsibility to shadow your son in school. I know that it seems to be helping some, but it is disrupting your work schedule and again is an indicator that the school is not providing the proper support that difficult child needs.

    You mention anxiety in your signature. Is it possible that the psychiatrist could address this with-medication? Not that I am a dr, but your difficult child and mine have similarities. We had a break through with difficult child by adding a small amount of prozac and his academic world opened and he's excelling. I never thought there was anxiety, but others saw it. The rages are nothing what they used to be (the tantrums are now age appropriate) and his cooperation in school is now very good. difficult child also trialed Risperdal and Depakote and those never helped him.

    You need to get support for yourself. Please see if your state offers DCF voluntary services. You have to apply to get accepted but once you are a whole new world opens up. They can give you respite, pay for in home behaviorists to work with difficult child. Since it is totally voluntary you can stop anytime and it is of no cost to you.

    I know it is heartbreaking to take your child out of mainstream. Both husband and I cried over it, but he's been at the new placement 6 months and he's eager to go to school, he is participating and learning and loves to come home and do his homework. In mainstream it would take him forever to do homewordk and now he just breezes through it. It has lifted a bunch of stress off of us as far as we aren't waiting for a call to pick him up (therapeutic school does not send home for behavior or rages), and because he is excelling he is happy which inturn makes us happy.

    I do so wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    All I can give is a huge internet hug. Just keep fighting.

  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Thanks, all. Today is better, as I was sure it would be. Am still so very tired, tho. Just tired of dealing with itl. It has been un-ending phone calls from the school for nearly a year now. Eight months at montessori school (where I shadowed him all last summer), and 4 months at public school, so far, with no end in sight.