Dr. Appts and taxes

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by slsh, Jun 21, 2008.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Wondering if your difficult children ever initiate medical appointments for themselves? Any good tips on how to train them to do this?

    Got a call at 8:40 p.m. Friday nite from thank you - sounds like he has an inguinal hernia. Has had symptoms for 5 months, allegedly. Someone shoot me.

    I asked if he had tried to get into the clinic at the agency. "Well, I did try earlier this week but the nurses weren't there." And that was apparently the extent of his efforts, aside from calling me. It was only when one of his peers said that it sounded like when *he* had a hernia that thank you thought he'd better step up efforts, aka call me. ARGH! He has had surgery that I suspect predisposes him to a hernia, so I don't think he's crying wolf.

    This kid has been borderline to the max the past 2 months - just vile nastiness, I'm the root of all evil, lots of threats, etc. I finally told him I'm out of it - he wants to run his own life? Have at it. So, heaven help me, I couldn't resist tossing into the conversation in my most neutral tone - "Well, thank you, you told me to stay out of your life, so I'm out, but it means you have to step up to the plate and start taking responsibility for basic care and maintenance of yourself. These late-nite calls are not going to fly."

    I'm doing pretty good on the detachment part but am struggling with waves of really profound anger at him. I'm just so sick and tired of the endless verbal abuse. As guilty as it feels, it's been a relief to not hear from him for the past month. I'm adopting an "it's better not to know" attitude when it comes to his life and choices.

    So as I'm not sleeping last nite, worrying more than usual about my kid, picturing an incarcerated hernia and ... etc., I start thinking about all the other basic things the kid has no clue about and adamantly refuses to take any education from me whatsoever. Like taxes - keep paycheck stubs (should he ever get a job), figuring out if he has to file and then actually doing it. Do your kids do this?

    Being the twisted soul I am, my last coherent thought last nite was wouldn't it just be something if my kid ends up in jail after all this for something as dumb as tax evasion. Sigh.
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Make a medical appointment? That means using initiative, phones and talking to strangers. Doubt that is going to happen in my child's life until she has children.

    For taxes, she does do them but only because when she was living at home and working, I made her do them and she liked getting the money back. HUGE incentive! I did help her the first time. Since then, she has done them on her own online. I'm happy to answer any questions she has.

    But I have seen that initiative is not high on the list with mine. Part of it is youth, part of it is actually a fear -- much easier to do without than make a mistake.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was awful about stuff I didnt know about as a late teen and early adult. Can you believe I bought a car in Denver and drove it all the way to Virginia on the dead plates the guy left on it simply because I didnt know you had to go do any of the stuff needed? LOL. I was simply stupid and quite sheltered as a child by my parents. That stuff was done for me. Im lucky I made it home ok.

    The difference between what I did and what Cory does is that I did it out of stupidity and he does it out of bullheadedness. He knows better because I have taught him.

    Cory will make a doctor's appointment or go to the ER on his own. He does do some stuff like that ok. He asks for help if needed. I had a friend online that thought I was the worst mother on the face of the earth because I "let" him go to the ER alone...lol. Well...he has to learn to handle those things. Good lord he has a child. My theory was that if he couldnt handle going to the ER for himself to get his hand stitched up what would happen if he had to rush his baby to the hospital for a real horrible emergency? I was at home by the phone when he needed to call me to ask a question.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I think Dude is "about" there - he has impacted wisdom teeth. I have impacted parental control. lol.

    So when he called I told him the number - three times I looked it up for the oral surgeon. Finally he called and said "I don't know what I'm doing will you call for me." aka - I've goofed off, and I am not comfy calling for myself - Mommy help.

    So I did - and I begged for an early appointment. because they were going to the beach. When I got it? I called him. THe next day I called the foster Mom.

    He's back from vacation - I asked "OH and what did the oral surgeon say?" and he said "WHAT?" I said "WHAT THE HECK?" and then find out the fosters were too busy getting ready for vacation friday and forgot - okay no biggie -

    NO BIGGIE ? You're medicaid - they take ONE O-N-E patient a MONTH. ARGH. Then the "Will YOU call again?" Heck no - git with your foster Mother and make HER call - SHE KNEW - (makes me mad)

    But as far as going to the ER? Yeah he'll go on his own.

    There is hope S - really really

    And the new policy of "Better off not to know" OH it's such a freeing feeling. After a while and with a lot of detachment 101 practice.
  5. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    Most kids with jobs get refunds unless they are contract labor or have investment income. If you don't owe more than has been withheld, you really don't have to file your taxes* but you don't get your excess withholding refunded.

    And rarely do people go to jail for not paying their taxes. Some high profile people do from time to time and people who run actual scams. The government wants it's money and they really don't want to spend it to provide people with room and board for a few years.

    Truth be told, I'll bet most people don't know who has to file and who doesn't have to file a return, especially when it comes to kids and retired people.

    *Speaking of federal taxes. Things vary from state to state.
  6. MyFriendKita

    MyFriendKita Member

    I'm coming in late on this, but my son doesn't make medical appointments OR do taxes, or do anything else to take care of business. You would think natural consequences would teach him, but it hasn't happened yet. He didn't file his taxes at all year before last, even though he would have gotten back everything that had been withheld, because he lost three of his W-2's (I snagged the fourth one, or that would have been lost, too). I even called all three companies to find out what he needed to do to get copies, and he still didn't do what needed to be done. What could be more motivating than free money?!!? In my son's case, we haven't yet figured that out.

    He reminds me so much of my own dad that I want to knock both of them in the head. Instead, I slap myself in the head, amazed at how helpless these two can be. I swear they both would sit in front of a can of soup and starve rather than look for a can opener. But if it involves something he's interested in, or shouldn't be doing, my son will find a way to get what he wants. I really don't understand the reasoning behind his behavior (if there is any). My only hope for my son at this point is that he can find a girl willing to do everything for him. That's the only thing that worked for my dad--until they got smart and left him on his own. I keep telling my son he's going to end up like Grandpa, but he doesn't believe me.