drained and exhuasted, hard times, vent

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by crazymama30, Jun 30, 2009.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    On Monday a close friend of the family died. She was in a car accident. She and her parents and her 14 year old dtr were on their way home from a Jonas brothers concert (dtrs birthday present). Mom died at the scene, and her dtr may have seen her die. The emotions are too raw to get many details right now. Left behind are Dad (has been best buds with husband since jr high) a 11yr old son, and 14yr old dtr. Everyone is a mess. husband is hysterical, I am really worried about him. His friend has been leaning hard on him, and I don't think he is up for it. Friend has been calling him with updates to pass along to friends and family. husband had to go tell her best friend that she died. I am amazed he has held up as well as he has, but he is cracking. husband is staying at friends house tonight. He is not doing well.

    easy child and difficult child are doing ok. I am seeing some acting up with difficult child but that is to be expected. I am just numb. I am sad, but have to function and work. I am really concerned about husband going off the deep end. I don't know what to do to help him. I don't know if there is anything I can do. I just kinda feel sick to my stomach. This poor family has lost their mommy. The dtr is barely speaking, and the son has been crying himself to sleep every night. Dad is a mess, they loved each other so much. They were a good match.

    This is the third death in the last 3 years for this group of friends, and they all were under 40. The other 2 died of cancer, so at least it was kinda expected. I feel emotionally drained, and physically exhausted. I am worried that husband is not going to be able to deal with this. He has hinted at suicide(stated he could not do it as he has a wife and kids), and that scares me. His brother committed suicide, and I hope that remembering going thru that will deter him. I don't think he will, but how do you not take that seriously? But at the same time what can I do? I can call his psychiatrist, but if husband refuses to go to the hospital then everyone's hands are tied. You cannot force someone over 18 to go to the hospital, and I don't know if I could make him. Our psychiatric unit here is sad, and I don't know what good would come of it. I think as long as he is with people then he is safe.

    Part of me is angry with husband for falling apart. Part of me understands why he has fallen apart. I get so frustrated sometimes, as I am always the one who picks up the pieces, I am the strong one. I am not doing so well either, but I don't have the option to fall apart in the same way. This is just too much. Those poor kids. That is all I keep thinking.
  2. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm so very sorry.

    If husband does become a danger to himself you can call the police and they'll take him in involuntarily. I hope it doesn't come to that.

    I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I guess if it comes to it I could do that, but it would violate so many trusts. I forgot about that. I hope I don't have to do that. I have to work tommorrow and maybe Friday, but I have to work. I actuall am off this weekend. Money does not fall out of the sky, and life does not stop for tragedies. I wish it would at least slow down.
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I wish it would slow down for you, too. You need a break.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. Saying prayers for both families.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Saying prayers for both families.

    Such a very hard and devistating thing to go thru.

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. This must be so incredibly difficult for all of you. Sending gentle hugs.

    If husband is ever speaking seriously about suicide then it is NOT a breach of any trust to have him placed in a hospital. It is saving his life just as surely as running into a burning building to pull him out.

    I am not sure if talking about this with husband will be a good idea. But it is a good idea for you to be aware of it. Just in case, Know what I mean??

    I am so very sorry you have to cope with this on top of the death of your friend.

    Please remember that it is perfectly fine to ask people to do certain things. You may even have to schedule an appointment with yourself at a certain time so that you can cry and fall apart for that hour or however long you schedule it for. It can be a needed break from always being the one to "take care of things". in my opinion you are less likely to have a serious emotional collapse if you do this (the scheduling time to weep and wail and yell at Heaven) rather than if you just keep being there for others and stuffing your emotions so you can function.

    I am sorry you lost a good friend. Many gentle hugs.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. Sending prayers for both families. I really like Susie's idea of scheduling yourself some time. Gentle hugs.
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How awful. Sending many prayers your way and to the family left behind. How very sad.
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O this is just terrible! I feel so bad for the girl that lost her mother on her birthday! How awful!!

    This amount of stress and pain really exceeds human capacity for hurt. No wonder husband is falling apart and you are feeling your world spin.

    I hope that both families can get some help and support. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

  11. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Oh, this is really awful! I feel so bad for that poor family and the poor dtr whose birthday they were celebrating. I am so sorry this has happened and that husband is having such a hard time. Thinking of you,
  12. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    This is so sad to read. I'm really sorry about your friend. Can you talk to the other people in your circle of friends and ask someone else to be the go-to person to replace your husband? You can tell them that he's really upset and needs a break. Certainly, staying the night over there can't be good for him if he's already falling apart. He needs to pull back for his own stability.