Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Mar 7, 2009.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    OMG! I am so exhausted!:faint:

    This stuff with mother in law is wiping me out. And I'm seriously not really doing that much. I mean, yeah, husband and I are running back and forth getting things to help her settle in better and make her more comfortable......But it's not like I'm running a marathon or anything.

    easy child says it's the emotional part getting to me. And I guess she's right.

    Nichole had a nightmare that her grandmother's ghost came to live with us. easy child has been having nitemares that her grandmother becomes combative........and you can guess where that goes. And even husband has been having nitemares about his mother haunting us.:ashamed: WTH??

    husband decides he's gonna tell me about it......and I told him to JUST SHUT UP! Having 3 different people having similar nitemares is more than a bit unsettling.....I don't need details people. sheesh

    Good grief, she's gone to a nursing home, she hasn't passed on.

    Then we go to visit and need to be cheerful and optomistic, when I'm anything but. They still haven't had her walking.....and I'm getting worried. She's not moving those legs very much at all and the pain is excruciating. Nor does she want to get up and walk, which is what she usually does.

    Reinforcements arrived on schedule. mother in law blew them out of the water. She's been so good with us about all this, so I didn't prepare them for anything emotional..........And when they walk into the room she opens her arms with tears in her eyes and asks them to please take her home. Tore their hearts out, and well, even getting it 2nd hand it did a number on mine too. They did bring her out of it though and after a 2 hr visit left her in a more positive mood.

    Tomorrow is the Talk. I'm not sure how far we're gonna get as we've no clue at this point how well mother in law is going to do. Sister in law is going to visit her ex boss (mother in law's doctor) on monday and rip him a new one. Now that she doesn't work for him, I'd love to be a fly on the wall. Too bad I have class. It ought to be awesome. lol And she's going to get the low down on HIS plans for mother in law.

    There are so many things we have to look into.....and learn about. Sister in law has a head start on me as she did some of the ground work a few years back when we were trying to get mother in law into assisted living. I haven't really got a clue.

    Except. I know many places now take you via Reverse Morgage. This is where you sign your house over to the assisted living place or nursing home and they "pay" your rent/fee and give you a small monthly allowance depending on how much they give your for it. This is mother in law's only hope. But I don't know dittly about it and neither does sister in law.

    But we both agreed that if we have to use this......where ever mother in law ends up will have to care for her until she dies or it's just not worth it. Cuz if it's assisted living and she has to move later........her house is gone and she has nothing else.

    OMG this is friggin' HARD.:faint:

    And if you've noticed I've not mentioned the sons...........Well, they're being typical men and letting their wives do all the dirty work.:mad:

    This could drag on. She has 20 days to get better at the nursing home. After that she has to pay. If this runs into the start of next quarter I'm going to have to drop those classes too. No way can I do all that needs to be done with mother in law and do that too.

    I'm ready for a vacation.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry it is so draining. About the financial aspect.

    What kind of income does mother in law have? I am imagining it is not a whole lot. If she has Social Security and/or medicaid they will take that as payment. She will also get a very small sum each month for essentials such as hair cuts, clothes, etc. The state will go after her house when she dies to pay for her care.
  3. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Lisa, there is a web site I was checking out called www.caring.com when my mother had started the "I want to come and live with you" spiel. It has a lot of good information on finances, etc.

    She has been complaining that the assisted living home she is in -its out your way I think, is too expensive at 2,300 a month and she was going to blow thru all of her money in 5 years. BUT after her money is gone, she can stay and they will take her SS and she gets some back in spending money. And when she gets to the point she can't handle the assisted living, they will move her to the other part of the home for non amblitory.

    From what I understand on the reverse mortgage, there are very high fees on start up, I think it was 10,000

    But I totally understand mother in law's wish to go home - its hard when you have been so independent and living the way you want. Shoot, when I had foot surgery and had to be on crutches for a few weeks, my family had a good view of how "I" was going to be when I got older and lost my independence LOL

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Janet, that's just it. We're not so sure. She had GM stock that took a major plunge during that last stock market dive......and she lost a ton. She has father in law (deceased) retirment benefits.....I think.....I dunno because after the stocks took a dive we had to switch her insurance thru GM and now I dunno what's going on with the retirement. I know she used to have alot of CDs......but how much of that has now been used we don't know. I think these are things husband's brother hopes to find out via POA while they're here.

    Honestly, I don't think she has much except the house left. She'd have been fine except that stock dive did her in. She doesn't qualify for medicaid at all at this point. Too many "assets". But I could see what little she probably has left being used up in a couple of months.

    Marcie thanks for that link. I'll give it to sister in law too.:D Assisted living has gone up around here to average 6000.00 a month.:surprise: This is according to sw at the hospital. Last time we'd checked into it the fee was 4000 a month....that was just 2 yrs ago. mother in law would have to sell the house to swing it........and at that rate the money would run out fast.

    And worse........she can't come live with either children's family because husband's brother and wife live in a small apartment.......and I still have a houseful of kids. Even grown grandkids have no way to take her in.

    I don't blame her a bit for wanting to go home. That's what makes it so hard. I told my kids when I get to that point I might just "accidently" take a little to much of a medication and go peacefully and quietly at home. sigh
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can imagine it is extremely exhausting, especially emotionally as your easy child said. Sending gentle hugs and prayers that this works out soon and that you get some much needed/deserved rest.
  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been through it with both my mother in law and father in law - It is so difficult!!! And, now I don't know how much longer husband's aunt is going to be able to remain in her home - I'm NOT looking forward to this...

    I wish I had some good advice - Just know I'm thinking about you. Sending lots of hugs... WFEN