Drama never stops, even for the holidays

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by clive, Dec 23, 2010.

  1. clive

    clive Clive

    Hello Friends: first of all, happy Christmas/merry holidays/yadda yadda... to everyone!
    I'm an infrequent poster, sorry for that, I just can't seem to find the time to get on here very often, and when I do, the idea of writing a post is daunting, since there are so many pertinent details to my (and my daughter's) story. I always have to leave things out, which maybe I'll get to in future posts.

    Anyway... when I last checked in, she had checked herself out of a detox/rehab after ONE DAY. Back at home, promising to straighten up, she even went and spent over a week with her relatives up north (Michigan), and by all reports had a sober, drug-free time. Back home, clear-eyed and supposedly drug-free, she went to a new psychologist, who opined that she was definitely suffering from depression, and had indications of bipolar. She was prescribed a low dosage of something called Lamotrigine. It seemed to even out her mood swings for a few weeks, and made her slightly easier to live with. However, she began to express the view that she thought she would best be served with a prescription to Xanax–a drug she had admittedly abused in the past. We were of course skeptical of this self-diagnosis – she mentioned it to her psychiatric, and he said no way (it would just lead her back into drug abuse), but he upped the Lamotrigine dosage, and also added Desyrel, for her insomnia.

    Anyway, cutting to the chase, she is getting ahold of Xanax on her own, and self-medicating. And, though we struggle to keep it out of the house, she is also still smoking weed when she can get her hands on it. Last night she came home, and stumbled about with slurred speech, making it a tense evening for wife (especially her) and I. This morning I confronted her about it, and she said she had indeed been using Xanax, "not to get high, but to make me feel normal." I told her, for one thing, she better discuss this with her doctor (she's seeing a new one next week) – to be upfront about her use. And, I told her she's really on dangerous ground, mixing these various drugs, some prescribed, some not. That's a no-brainer, of course. Once again, with the holiday approaching, we are faced with this problem, and the possibility of asking her to leave the house. Or, stick with her, stay on her, get her the help she needs (but always rejects). So... anybody, experiences with Xanax?
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Have you checked out Narc-Anon or Al-Anon? in my humble opinion your daughter should be asked to leave, but you need to be ready to do that and follow through in order for that to work. {{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}}
  3. clive

    clive Clive

    We've attended Families Anonymous, and probably will tonight. The support is nice, and advice, insight, etc. We definitely need to go more often.

    The option of kicking her out again is complicated – she has a job lined up (her FIRST ever), supposed to start Jan. 2. We are the most likely source of transportation for her to get to that, and it would be easier getting her there from home, rather than some remote location. I know we could say, it's her responsibility, and if she blows it, she blows it. But it was quite a feat for her to get this job, with no HS diploma, and no experience, and I'd really like to see it happen. She wants to move out as much as we want her to, so I'm hoping we can steer her in the right direction of managing her money so she can get it together and have enough cash to move in with a friend. It seems like something happens every couple of days to potentially cause this opportunity to disappear. We're hangin' on with white knuckles and keeping our fingers crossed!
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Definitely check out Al anon if you can.... especially if you can find a parents meeting. I have found a parents meeting that is wonderful and so so helpful. I don't have experience with Xanax but I know when my son finally admitted to us before he went rehab that he was using more than weed, xanax was on his list.... along with a bunch of other pain medications. She is on dangerous ground as you know and she may be using whatever she can get her hands on which is scary in and of itself. I would suggest the next time she is stumbling around with slurred speech like that you might want to call 911 and an ambulance. You don't know what she has taken and so what danger she is in, better safe than sorry. My son overdosed twice on OTC medications... and both times we called an ambulance, they evaluated him and took him to the ER. Don't know if that made any difference to him but it may have made an impression on him.

    It is hard to know what to do but at her age there is not a whole lot you can do unless she is willing. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let them fall and fall hard. I know with our son when he is using he has absolutely no regard for our rules at all. I came to the conclusion that I could not have someone here who could not obey our rules (which were minimal). The message it sends is that you can get along in life and not follow the rules and that is a big fallacy.... my son found that out the hard way. So I would set up some pretty clear ground rules for her to live there and if she can't follow them she needs to move out. Period.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hmmm. I'm noticing a trend with addicts these days. They get "clean" on "street" drugs then go to psychiatrists for legal drugs. Same drugs or similar ones that produce the same effect. I'm not saying that is what your difficult child is doing.........I'm warning you to watch out for it as with the Xanax.........I have a sneaking suspicion someone has been coaching her on how to get legal drugs for the same effect. psychiatrist was on it with the xanax.......but may miss the next request. I'm suspicious of any addict requesting medications myself. My bff used psychiatric medications when she couldn't get her hands on street drugs..........then to enhance the street drugs. ugh

    Honestly? You can't force her to do a darn thing. That's not how addiction or getting sober works. She has to want it. She has to be willing and eager to do the hard work involved. It doesn't sound at all as if she is in that place. Sounds more like she's trying to play a game so she has a place to stay while still using. And in the process may snatch herself up some legal drugs while she's at it. Keep in mind she could be selling medications the psychiatrist is giving her to pay for the ones she prefers.

    I'm sorry. I agree with Witz. I'd have her leave until she is truly ready to get clean and sober. Letting her stay with you is only helping to support the addiction. Hoovers to the max, but that is the reality.

  6. jal

    jal Member

    I have never personally taken Xanax, but I can tell you my father had a very scary experience with it. My dad is a recovering alcoholic who has been clean for 8 years. He attends AA 2x a week and is a frequent meeting leader and sponsor. He has embraced the program. He was experiencing major work related stress which was causing anxiety and depression and went to his gp to discuss possible medication options. He ended up seeing the physicains assistant who put him on Xanax. He had never taken it before in his life. It made him feel better, so he took a little more. He went nutty on it, slurred speech, stumbling, sleeping at weird hours. It was getting him high. (this was in a 3-4 day period of first taking the medication). Luckily, this was addressed by my mother who called his gp. Gp said that Xanax to a recovering alcoholic is like pouring alcohol down their throat. Needless to say that script was tossed and my father immediatley went into counseling and was given an alternative medicine that helped him through his work related anxiety and stress and thankfully he didn't loose all he has worked for.
  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    In general I believe both the anti anxiety medications and the pain medications tend to be addictive and so recovering addicts have to be very very careful if they need to take them. Anti depressants in general are not addictive and so are not as much of a worry, although I am sure a desperate addict might use anything. I have a friend who is a recovering heroin addict. She has been clean for 5 years. There have been a couple of episodes where she has been prescribed pain medications for medical reasons and her couple of slips have been to take way too much of them. It is very tempting for her. Luckily she is determined enough that she does not slip for long but that temptation is there and continues to be.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Lamotrigine is NOT going to make her feel high. It is a mood stabilizer and probably was a good choice for her to start with. Xanax is a whole nother story. it is one of the shortest acting benzo's, so you get a fast high from it. I took it in low doses for YEARS with NO addiction problems or high feelings, but I don't seem to have addictive tendencies other than chocolate. All it did for me was let me not kill someone when I was PMSing - this was before PMDD was being diagnosis'd and I was incredibly awful with PMS - I can remember one night I just couldn't cope. I wanted to kill my husband. He just would NOT stop, no matter what I did. What was he doing, you ask? Breathing in the same room as me. Literally. That was ALL. My ob/gyn started me on xanax the next day and I was on the same dosage the entire time. It also made my imitrex work better so migraines did not last for weeks at a time.

    Your daughter is NOT controllable. Reality is that no matter WHAT you do, she will find drugs. I really doubt that she was sober/drug free while she was out of town. It is VERY hard to appear "normal" when you are detoxing, and going cold turkey is NOT hideable. You really NEED to start attending a LOT of alanon/narcanon meetings. 7 in 7 is not just for addicts, it is for families too. 7 meetings in 7 days will let you find meetings that you can really benefit from. You can make it a goal and you will learn SOOO much about what your daughter is likely up to, and even more about how to handle your side of the addiction. Addiction is NOT just about the addict, of course.

    If you truly want your daughter to recover, YOU must enter recovery also. It isn't just a family disease, it is multi-generational. Your daughter NEEDS you to make this a priority. She has a LOT of people on the druggie side who can steer her to the "right" docs and tell her what to say and do to get the desireable medications. She needs you to be on the other side. Searching her, chaperoning her, etc... isn't letting her own the problem. Her upcoming job is NOT likely to result in money to move out until she has really embraced the sober life and gotten the help she needs to choose it. It is going to result in money she can use to get drugs.

    I know this is horribly hard. I hope that you can navigate this treacherous journey with as little pain and agony as possible.