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Dreading His Return
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752418" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I understand completely how you would feel this way.</p><p></p><p>You have taken some very positive steps. Insisting he move out. Taking him off your car insurance and taking the plates off. Blocking his calls.</p><p></p><p>Your son is experiencing the natural consequences of his behavior. Whether or not he is mentally ill, he will have to come to grips with how his behavior and choices affect him and how to live in the world. He will have to experience directly the consequences of his lack of self-control, his mood instability, and impulsivity. This is his life to deal with. He is not the only person who has a psychology. All of us have to learn from mistakes. Mothers can't do this for their sons.</p><p></p><p>You are exactly right to focus on your new job, and your own well-being.</p><p></p><p>What is your mother's position with respect to her grandson? Have you spoken with her about her intentions of whether or not to house him or otherwise help him? What about a "re-entry" plan that the two of you coordinate together?</p><p></p><p>When I finally had the courage to tell my son to leave our home he was 23. I decided one day driving home from work. I told him to leave right then, I locked the doors, and that was that. He spent the night banging on windows. I would not recommend this strategy. I would have been better off driving him to a shelter, which we did the next day. But I seized upon the moment that I finally felt strong enough and desperate enough to act. </p><p></p><p>I would talk to my mother and get on the same page, if possible. I would think about possible options for servicesfor your son: a homeless shelter; rescue mission or training program; drug and mental health treatment options; Job Corps. I would tell him about resources in an email or text. Or if your mother is speaking to him, maybe she could tell him.</p><p></p><p>Job Corp is wonderful, and I recommend it. There are centers all over the country. It is a free, residential job training program. The trainees are well supervised and there are support services. They take kids with problems.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to you. I am so sorry you are going through this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752418, member: 18958"] I understand completely how you would feel this way. You have taken some very positive steps. Insisting he move out. Taking him off your car insurance and taking the plates off. Blocking his calls. Your son is experiencing the natural consequences of his behavior. Whether or not he is mentally ill, he will have to come to grips with how his behavior and choices affect him and how to live in the world. He will have to experience directly the consequences of his lack of self-control, his mood instability, and impulsivity. This is his life to deal with. He is not the only person who has a psychology. All of us have to learn from mistakes. Mothers can't do this for their sons. You are exactly right to focus on your new job, and your own well-being. What is your mother's position with respect to her grandson? Have you spoken with her about her intentions of whether or not to house him or otherwise help him? What about a "re-entry" plan that the two of you coordinate together? When I finally had the courage to tell my son to leave our home he was 23. I decided one day driving home from work. I told him to leave right then, I locked the doors, and that was that. He spent the night banging on windows. I would not recommend this strategy. I would have been better off driving him to a shelter, which we did the next day. But I seized upon the moment that I finally felt strong enough and desperate enough to act. I would talk to my mother and get on the same page, if possible. I would think about possible options for servicesfor your son: a homeless shelter; rescue mission or training program; drug and mental health treatment options; Job Corps. I would tell him about resources in an email or text. Or if your mother is speaking to him, maybe she could tell him. Job Corp is wonderful, and I recommend it. There are centers all over the country. It is a free, residential job training program. The trainees are well supervised and there are support services. They take kids with problems. Welcome to you. I am so sorry you are going through this. [/QUOTE]
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