Dreading PO appointment

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jan 13, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I faxed a copies of therapist's letter and my request for a hearing with the judge to PO yesterday. I put the emergency hearing request in last Thurs and still haven't heard anything from courts. I called PO and left message yesterday saying I'd just faxed her these things and asked that she call me because I wasn't sure it would be a good idea to still meet today given that it causes more stressors and difficult child was already very unstable. Also, I asked that we discuss this stuff privately over the phone instead of in a meeting with difficult child present.

    I haven't rec'd a call one from PO. She never responded to my call to her from the last week in Dec either. So, I presume, based on the way she has been before, that we will go to this meeting and I will sit and listen to her lecture difficult child about not staying awake for 2 days straight, not sleeping for 2 days straight, not concentrating on what he should be doing, etc. I wish she could get it- if a lecture would "cure" him, he wouldn't be on ms's. And BS if she tries to tell me that the only option is state Department of Juvenile Justice or nothing.

    I hope I'm not left trying to figure out how to take this to a higher court.

    On a better note, I'm leaving soon to run by psychiatrist's office to read his draft letter. I got a call from his recept. earlier and he wants me to read the letter and see if it's sufficient before he finalizes it. Then, I'll go on to my therapist appointment. difficult child didn't go to school. He was falling asleep in psychiatrist's office yesterday and has been asleep since we came home from that. He might have slept 4 hours total for the previous 2 days and he went to school yesterday. Now, I'm barely able to wake him up enough to take medications.

    I wonder how this is going to go if I can't wake him up to get him to appointment with PO.

    Then, I rec'd an email from my mother. She wants me to call her so we can "talk". Oh Boy.
  2. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    huh. even after PO has all the info from difficult child's doctor's she's still acting like this? Guess that shows how overworked and underpaid they are....hang in there. Maybe ask her to lecture him and see how it goes LOL

    sorry things seem such a mess for you right now.
  3. maril

    maril New Member

    I am sorry for both your son and you and send best wishes for help to be on its way ... very soon! Honestly, even with my limited knowledge, it is apparent that POs lecturing is a waste of precious time.

    As far as her being overworked, that may be true; still ... there have to be more constructive approaches.

    Good luck.
  4. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Gee, lecture - why didn't we ever think of that???

    Hang in there. :)
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Any chance you can talk to her alone, or is it just not an option to let difficult child sit outside the office for a few minutes? Dealing with these kinds of people always made me MAD .. and I didn't mince words with them . I always preferred to do it out of range of Youngest's hearing, however.

    If the PO continues to be so uncaring and will not acknolwedge the mental health issues with difficult child, I would go straight to her supervisor and explain that this woman's treatment of difficult child is contributing to his instability. That is the LAST thing he needs and is certainly not in his best interest. Tell them you're not asking for him to be "coddled," but they have got to realize that he is not just one of the "bad kids" that can be bullied into changing his behavior. They are risking pushing him over the edge if they don't curb their approach (exaggerate if you have to!)

  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry the PO isn't "getting it." Sending good thoughts that this meeting is productive and difficult child gets some help.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    PO returned call about 10 mins ago- our appointment is in 1/2 hour. I explained what I had done so far- she said she had no idea about any of this. I asked if she got fax, she said no, she hasn't checked for it. DUH. She fussed at me for not telling her before and going thru her. She said if she thought he'd needed the county team, she would have arranged for it. (And she obviously didn't which is why I didn't go thru her.) Then, she said the county wouldn't be able to offer him anything else and she wanted me to supervise difficult child 24/7 if he's this unstable. I said I am and that's part of the problem- now how am I supposed to work? Then she fussed about me not going thru her again over this and I told her I'd requested that he be released from probation as well. She said since I'd already put in rrequest for hearing she can't do anything about this now but she says this judge will not release difficult child from probation and we still need to come to meeting today but she'll keep it short. I said that's fine, we'll be there.

    She asked again where I got the idea to ask for county team. I told her all the mental health people recommended it, there are letters from therapist and psychiatrist and the funding coordinator for the county recommended it.

    Too bad- PO was the last to know.

    psychiatrist's letter states that I am requesting difficult child to be released from probation because I cannot access more mental health treatment while difficult child is on it and it specificly says that it made difficult child ineligible for the NIMH "program" (he didn't say "study") that I had tried to get difficult child in.
  8. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She said the county wouldn't be able to offer him anything else??? She is THAT clueless? Does she not even know what FAPT IS??? I don't get this at all. It really sounds like she is thinking purely from a court services standpoint, and is not even letting herself consider mental health/social services/Children Services Board (CSB) supports, which are numerous. She can NOT be that ignorant of the system, it sounds like she just has tunnel vision.

    I still think you should go to her supervisor.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm back. She did keep it kind of light. She questioned difficult child but she didn't show her normal "lecturing" attitude to him. The thing that rubbed me wrong was on the phone when she said "well I want you to surpervise him constantly". I'm his mother for goodness sakes and she knows I've fought like carp for him and gone to extreme lengths, I don't need her to tell me that he needs to be supervised during periods of instability. Does she think I DON'T KNOW that already? Furthermore, it is the fact that I know it and do it and provide him mental health care that has left me in the situation of calling all over the place trying to get help.

    She didn't know I was shooting for fapt team, but she did know difficult child had been in psychiatric hospital in Dec., that he was still unstable and I was very concerned about resulting actions from him, that I was missing work, and that I was feeling a lot of financial strain. Did she recommend a fapt team- NO. So, that is why I was calling all over the place and that is how I learned about it.

    Anyway, she does know about them- she told me on phone today that she sits on fapt meetings all the time. I know- it doesn't add up. But, last year when I was trying to get some info to judge, the PO told me to just write a letter to the judge. Then, someone else told me that the judge is not allowed to read a letter sent to her that way. I thought maybe PO was new at her job or something because she had told me other things that weren't accurate or seemed naive. Nope- she's not new at her job. Before, I had called her super- he just backs her up.

    I think she has biased opinions. It could be a race thing, it could be a typical "I could raise your kid better than you" issue, a denial about mental health issues, I don't know. But, after judge asked PO once "what exactly is your problem with this" in regards to my request for something that the PO refused to address, I started getting a clue that at least the judge was seeing a bit of this, too. The resource officer at school told me and difficult child that she's (the PO) just that way- she's not very friendly.

    No- I don't buy it for a mintute that the county can't do more.
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You know what, I think this sounds like a woman who deals with too many parents who don't care... who aren't as involved with their kids as you are. I'll bet she thinks all of this is an "excuse" for difficult child's behavior ... and you trying to get yourself off the hook. Again, tunnel vision. She's simply not used to dealing with a proactive parent who advocates for their child.

    One thing I did when I went in front of the judge with the FAPT request was give him a letter/summary outlining every single step I had taken before that point in trying to get Youngest help. He will read it if you provide it to him then and there. I included school issues, home issues, psychiatric admissions, letters I'd written, phone calls I made. I made it clear that I'd done everything *I* could from a parent standponit, and that I needed more help. I did it in bullet format, as concisely as I could, so it was easily read on the spot. Perhaps if you drafted such a summary/letter, and brought it with you when you went to the hearing, it would drive home what you are doing. Also copy the PO on it, ahead of time. I'd be happy to give you a copy of the one I wrote.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks Crazy! Next step though is seeing if judge will agree to hear the case instead of kicking it back to PO and leaving the fapt decision up to her. If that happens, then I'll be pursuing higher court and/or politicians.
  12. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    just wondering. is it possible to petition for another PO? I mean, you can request a new lawyer can't you? why not a PO?(clueless here aabout teh whole set up, but just asking.....)
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I asked about that too (ok, begged) last year. They told me that PO's are assigned according to which school the kid goes to and there's no switching. difficult child had been on probation briefly 2 1/2 yrs ago and I liked her. We talked on phone and discussed what was in difficult child's best interest and she took my opinions into consideration before making something a rule. Of course, she had 2 teen boys herself and I think that makes a world of difference. Anyway, I begged to get her back but since we had moved 4 miles away and difficult child is in a different school, we are stuck with this one.
  14. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I agree with Crazy, it sounds as if she is not used to dealing with parents that actually give a ****. Either that or she is just a lazy B***h who does not care about the kids she works with. I was also going to suggest requesting a switch. I guess that cannot be done - hu? What if you have a personal meeting with her direct Supervisor, bring all of the letters from all of the docs and beg for the team or a new PO? How utterly frustrating for you. It's as if you are just banging your head against the wall!!! These "professionals" kill me, they are supposed be dedicated to doing what is in the best interest of their clients!!!! I can appreciate that she is probably overworked and underpaid, but who isn't??? While she probably has a heavy case load, there are real people who are behind those case numbers, people who have moms like you who really care. She could be a little more enthusiastic about helping her clients!!!! UUURRGGHH!!!!

    Hang in there, something's got to give. :)
  15. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't know how a judge can turn down a hearing request, but it may depend on what you filed. It's not like it's the supreme court, where they decide what cases to hear! If you file a petition to amend the current CHINS order to include a referral to FAPT, they have to schedule a hearing. They don't get to say "no" to the hearing, only to whatever you've asked for AT the hearing.

    It can't hurt to try the PO's supervisor again,with a formal written complaint. Copy the judge, and social services, and the case manager. I would quote her saying that the county can't do anything for your son. To me that is unfreakingbelievable.

    Documentation scares people, I can tell you :p
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think she can kick it back to PO- she kicked back something last year because I didn't file it through GAL- that gives the GAL a chance to handle it without going to court. The PO had authority to request fapt so judge might kick it back and say I need to go thru her, thereby leaving it up to PO. It won't be the "end" answer if that happens- I'll make sure of that. Really, I understand everyone's suggestion about seeing a supervisor, but around here, supervisors in many areas are just there to back the people up. Similar to the sd- many higher ups will just back up the principal, who backs up the cm at school, who backs up the teachers. That's why I skipped it. I tried it before, it's pointless, I'm spending no more time on people who have already proven to be full of hot air.
  17. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It still can't hurt to document the PO's behavior, and copy people that matter on it. I know it feels pointless, but truly, being the squeaky wheel can make a difference, eventually.

    Hopefully the school will get you the referral to FAPT.. any word on when the MDT is meeting?
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh- I'm documenting. No word on MDT yet- I think the sd will now use my request for a hearing to try to get out of pursuing things- but the "higher up" lady that was at the meeting might pursue things anyway. She said she had "some personal family knowledge and understanding and she would try to get us help". Let's hope her conscious over-rides her job inclination.

    Right now, I have to see what judge decides regarding a hearing. If she allows a hearing, it is really good news. But, she might pull GAL back in very soon. My gut reaction tells me she's having a law intern look into what she is supposed to do in situations like this. I think she'll hear it- but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

    Anyway, my therapist told me today that the sd handled things the way they did because it's about funding. I thought the fapt was funded separately so it didn't matter which agency got it on board. My therapist said she thinks the requesting agency has to pay for part of it from their budget and that's why the sd has to go to thei internal MDT meeting first. Hummm... That would definitely explain why each agency puts it back onto another agency.
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Seems to me you are deserving of a break right now. I sure hope you get the hearing and that things with the school gets easier. You are one amazing warrior mom!
  20. ML

    ML Guest

    KLMNO you are the warrior mom goddess! I can't believe the hoops you've had to jump through!!! I'm glad Crazy has some firsthand knowledge of the system in VA too.

    I am thinking positive thoughts that this hearing will go forward and that hearts are open when you get a platform to finally speak/advocate.

    Sounds like you've generated some positive energy the past couple of days and I look forward to hearing something good soon! Love, ML