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Substance Abuse
Dropped son off at hospital this morning
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 678924" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I totally understand you not wanting your son to have a record. I hope that this fear he has will work to his advantage and create a turning point for him. </p><p>Prayers said and fingers and toes crossed.</p><p></p><p>It is hard when it comes to this point. We want the best for our kids, their futures.</p><p></p><p>They have to want this too, and work for it. If it does come to having your son leave your home, know that you have done your best to raise him. All of the values you have taught him are still in there.</p><p></p><p>The rest really is up to your son, our d cs.</p><p>The sooner they live and learn the consequences of their actions, the better chance for change.</p><p>It is like being hit by a train isn't it? Then it drags on......I am glad you are here RN, when I found CD five months ago, it really helped me sort through things. It is wonderful also to have supportive friends.</p><p>I have miles to go, too, still working on a lot......I know it is important to continue to do a reality check on myself, as well as make sure I am progressing with my own feelings and lifestyle choices. This really is the hardest thing to deal with when our kids go off the rails. Learning to separate ourselves from the drama and chaos and live our own purpose and meaning takes work. It takes a shift of focus, realizing we cannot control what our d cs are choosing.</p><p>Sometimes I have felt like my two were pushing the limits with me so I would give them the boot. It was as if they were saying "What are you going to do about this.....?"</p><p> It is all very disappointing. We just did not imagine this for our children, and here we are, all dealing with it. Ugh. We love someone who is out of control and we end up taking on the responsibility for actions and bad choices <em>more than they do</em>. Things get topsy turvy and haywire. We know we have to do <em>something</em>, but are afraid what may <em>happen to them</em> if we get tough.</p><p>What I realize now, looking back on years of back and forth, in and out, the more I helped my kids, the deeper they delved into addiction. I wish I had stayed firm back then, because I feel that by trying to help all of those years, <em>I just prolonged the problem. </em></p><p></p><p>Yes, sometimes great things come out of horrible things. The horrible things that happened in my home made me go to therapy.</p><p>When I went to the counselor and told her my woes, she looked at me and said "You are an enabler." The words stung. I felt labeled. But it was true. Parents are enablers. We love our kids and we are desperate to find answers and to prevent the worst from happening. In reality, the worst is already happening when our d cs become addicted.</p><p>Here is an interesting thing I read about what happens to an <em>enabled person</em>. </p><p>"The enabled person becomes stuck in a role in which he or she feels incompetent, incapable, disempowered, dependent, and ineffectual. He or she may gradually accept a self concept that includes these negative traits, destroying self-esteem." <a href="http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/enabling-101-how-love-becomes-fear-and-help-becomes-control-1018134" target="_blank">http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/enabling-101-how-love-becomes-fear-and-help-becomes-control-1018134</a></p><p></p><p>This makes sense to me. By over helping our kids we are pretty much telling them "You cannot do this on your own." We are acheiving the opposite of what we want, we want them to be independent and self sufficient.</p><p> </p><p>Wouldn't that be great? Our d cs independent and self sufficient. It's Friday and I am going to have a glass of wine tonight and toast to that.</p><p></p><p>You take care RN. Make sure to take time for yourself to release the stress and anxiety of all of this. </p><p>Keep on posting, we are here for you.</p><p></p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 678924, member: 19522"] I totally understand you not wanting your son to have a record. I hope that this fear he has will work to his advantage and create a turning point for him. Prayers said and fingers and toes crossed. It is hard when it comes to this point. We want the best for our kids, their futures. They have to want this too, and work for it. If it does come to having your son leave your home, know that you have done your best to raise him. All of the values you have taught him are still in there. The rest really is up to your son, our d cs. The sooner they live and learn the consequences of their actions, the better chance for change. It is like being hit by a train isn't it? Then it drags on......I am glad you are here RN, when I found CD five months ago, it really helped me sort through things. It is wonderful also to have supportive friends. I have miles to go, too, still working on a lot......I know it is important to continue to do a reality check on myself, as well as make sure I am progressing with my own feelings and lifestyle choices. This really is the hardest thing to deal with when our kids go off the rails. Learning to separate ourselves from the drama and chaos and live our own purpose and meaning takes work. It takes a shift of focus, realizing we cannot control what our d cs are choosing. Sometimes I have felt like my two were pushing the limits with me so I would give them the boot. It was as if they were saying "What are you going to do about this.....?" It is all very disappointing. We just did not imagine this for our children, and here we are, all dealing with it. Ugh. We love someone who is out of control and we end up taking on the responsibility for actions and bad choices [I]more than they do[/I]. Things get topsy turvy and haywire. We know we have to do [I]something[/I], but are afraid what may [I]happen to them[/I] if we get tough. What I realize now, looking back on years of back and forth, in and out, the more I helped my kids, the deeper they delved into addiction. I wish I had stayed firm back then, because I feel that by trying to help all of those years, [I]I just prolonged the problem. [/I] Yes, sometimes great things come out of horrible things. The horrible things that happened in my home made me go to therapy. When I went to the counselor and told her my woes, she looked at me and said "You are an enabler." The words stung. I felt labeled. But it was true. Parents are enablers. We love our kids and we are desperate to find answers and to prevent the worst from happening. In reality, the worst is already happening when our d cs become addicted. Here is an interesting thing I read about what happens to an [I]enabled person[/I]. "The enabled person becomes stuck in a role in which he or she feels incompetent, incapable, disempowered, dependent, and ineffectual. He or she may gradually accept a self concept that includes these negative traits, destroying self-esteem." [URL]http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/enabling-101-how-love-becomes-fear-and-help-becomes-control-1018134[/URL] This makes sense to me. By over helping our kids we are pretty much telling them "You cannot do this on your own." We are acheiving the opposite of what we want, we want them to be independent and self sufficient. Wouldn't that be great? Our d cs independent and self sufficient. It's Friday and I am going to have a glass of wine tonight and toast to that. You take care RN. Make sure to take time for yourself to release the stress and anxiety of all of this. Keep on posting, we are here for you. (((Hugs))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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Dropped son off at hospital this morning
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