I've been strong until today I just felt this sickening feeling that I needed to make sure my son was alive. I get these waves of anxiety like something awful has happened then I panic and worry and have to know if he is ok. So I texted him. 45 minutes went by - nothing. Called and his phone rang/went to voicemail. I left a message "It's your mama please let me know if you are ok". Another 45 minutes - nothing. I started checking the local jails via the inmate search, nothing. I have no idea if he was dead where to find him. I know since his previous arrests and time in jail the police would have my contact information so if I don't hear from the police then he has to be alive. Then the phone rang. It was my son. On the other end was an incoherent high, drunk, stoned - whatever slurring person that I barely recognized. Totally wasted. Here is the conversation: Son: Yeah what.. Me: Are you ok? I asked you to please text me every few days so I know you are alive. Son: Why - you kicked me out... why don't you text ME and check on ME? (Slurring & making no sense) Me: I did, last week and asked YOU to text me so I know you are ok... are you high? You sound wasted. Son: No, you are delusional, I just woke up from a nap. Me: At 6:30 in the evening? Stop talking to me like that. Son: Yea, I'm at *****'s house on a couch. You kicked me out. Me: Because you could not live by my rules. Regardless I'm still your mother and I care, you obviously don't care if I'm dead or alive or bother to check in and let me know you are ok. Son: Cause you kicked me out, you could check up on me... why, I know you are ok. Me: You can barely talk, please get off the drugs. Son: You are DELUSIONAL, I'm not on drugs, I just woke up. I'm going out later. Me: You are on drugs and you need help. Son: *CLICK* ...Call ended, he hung up on me. He was wasted. He sounded like he was on pills. He didn't even sound like my son. It's pitiful. The way he talks to me and I am still relieved to hear his voice (no matter how sick and hateful he is) at least now I know he is alive. That is the only thing that keeps me going. He is not dead or in jail (yet). Drug addicts - they show no remorse, no worry, no conscience - nothing. It's "You're crazy, you're the problem, you're delusional, it's all your fault". I truly know what I'm dealing with now - the worst case scenario. He is no where near seeing he has a problem or thinking he needs help. He's wasted and I'm the enemy. I can't do anything for him - wasn't planning on doing anything. I just wanted to hear my son's voice and know that he is alive. I've never endured such abuse and cruelty from anyone. The one thing I've loved more than life is killing me and breaking my heart. Anyone who wants to legalize drugs should be shot.