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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657172" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Because of his weight loss and physical deterioration, it's probably drugs, in my opinion. Could be serious drugs too. My daughter used meth too and I agree it mirrors how one acts using meth, but it could be any drug...doesn't sound like just pot.</p><p></p><p>Do have any plans to help him launch his life and go out on his own? He has access to many services, Im sure. Is he using them?</p><p></p><p>Has he ever worked?</p><p></p><p>When did he change and has he changed his friends?</p><p></p><p>Substance abuse IS a mental illness and if he is using any drugs at all it is impossible to tell if he is mentally ill or just under the influence. I was diagnosed with bipolar II and it is very treatable with medication, but only if you aren't also drinking and using recreational drugs. And therapy is also helpful.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, are you taking good care of yourself? Are you spending every minute wondering what is up with your son, trying to guess? You can not control your son at all. You can't control anybody except yourself. You can control and change how how to interact with him and your expectations of a man his age. It's your house/your castle/YOUR RULES! He's not your boss and it's not his house. Most of us are working on taking our own lives back and dealing with our adult children differently than we did when we paid for al their toys and let them lay around our house doing little...it doesn't help them or us. It doesn't work. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. I mean this all gently. We all went through this.</p><p></p><p>I suggest detaching a bit. Whatever is going on, he is too old for you to help him, legally, and HE has to fix it. HE knows what is going on and he is unlikely to share it with you. He has it good...you pay for everything, just like you did when he was a young child. He'd rather you think he is mentally ill and feel sorry for him than tell you he's using meth (or whatever it is that is making him look sick and thin).</p><p></p><p>It is common for our adult kids to threaten suicide when we won't do what they want. I found that calling 911 every time it happens is a GREAT deterrent. If he really meant it, he'd do it without shouting it to the world, however it is unwise to take chances and every single threat should trigger a 911 call where the police will come and take him to a hospital for being a danger to himself.</p><p></p><p>Our adult kids can be extremely cunning and manipulative.</p><p></p><p>Does he abuse you or other members of your family? Steal? Lie? Smash your car that you pay for? Go into rages? Assault family members or strangers?</p><p></p><p>in my opinion the girlfriend is irrelevant. He is acting out of control with her and she will probably leave him unless they have bonded over, say, drug use. I hope she is using protection.</p><p></p><p>My first words of wisdom, that you can use or throw in the toilet are to cut of the money train. If he can live with his girlfriend, he can get a job and pay for his own toys. He's too old for you to be spending your retirement supporting a grown man who blew off college that you probably paid for. That doesn't teach him that there are consequences to bad choices and dangerous behavior...it is hard, but they need that. And throwing money at him is hurting him, not helping him. And it's hurting you too. And you matter. Don't give him any $$$. If he's on drugs, that's what he is using it for.</p><p></p><p>We are here for you, promise. But we need more information.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657172, member: 1550"] Because of his weight loss and physical deterioration, it's probably drugs, in my opinion. Could be serious drugs too. My daughter used meth too and I agree it mirrors how one acts using meth, but it could be any drug...doesn't sound like just pot. Do have any plans to help him launch his life and go out on his own? He has access to many services, Im sure. Is he using them? Has he ever worked? When did he change and has he changed his friends? Substance abuse IS a mental illness and if he is using any drugs at all it is impossible to tell if he is mentally ill or just under the influence. I was diagnosed with bipolar II and it is very treatable with medication, but only if you aren't also drinking and using recreational drugs. And therapy is also helpful. Meanwhile, are you taking good care of yourself? Are you spending every minute wondering what is up with your son, trying to guess? You can not control your son at all. You can't control anybody except yourself. You can control and change how how to interact with him and your expectations of a man his age. It's your house/your castle/YOUR RULES! He's not your boss and it's not his house. Most of us are working on taking our own lives back and dealing with our adult children differently than we did when we paid for al their toys and let them lay around our house doing little...it doesn't help them or us. It doesn't work. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. I mean this all gently. We all went through this. I suggest detaching a bit. Whatever is going on, he is too old for you to help him, legally, and HE has to fix it. HE knows what is going on and he is unlikely to share it with you. He has it good...you pay for everything, just like you did when he was a young child. He'd rather you think he is mentally ill and feel sorry for him than tell you he's using meth (or whatever it is that is making him look sick and thin). It is common for our adult kids to threaten suicide when we won't do what they want. I found that calling 911 every time it happens is a GREAT deterrent. If he really meant it, he'd do it without shouting it to the world, however it is unwise to take chances and every single threat should trigger a 911 call where the police will come and take him to a hospital for being a danger to himself. Our adult kids can be extremely cunning and manipulative. Does he abuse you or other members of your family? Steal? Lie? Smash your car that you pay for? Go into rages? Assault family members or strangers? in my opinion the girlfriend is irrelevant. He is acting out of control with her and she will probably leave him unless they have bonded over, say, drug use. I hope she is using protection. My first words of wisdom, that you can use or throw in the toilet are to cut of the money train. If he can live with his girlfriend, he can get a job and pay for his own toys. He's too old for you to be spending your retirement supporting a grown man who blew off college that you probably paid for. That doesn't teach him that there are consequences to bad choices and dangerous behavior...it is hard, but they need that. And throwing money at him is hurting him, not helping him. And it's hurting you too. And you matter. Don't give him any $$$. If he's on drugs, that's what he is using it for. We are here for you, promise. But we need more information. [/QUOTE]
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