During amnesia in hospital I kept calling my daughter "Mother"!!! Yikes!


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Are we really THAT attached to Mother, even a bad one???

My daughter Princess first told me this today as lately, as I am healing, I am more interested in what happened during the several weeks I don't remember. I was talking to Princess today and she told me that she walked in and I said, "Mother, take off my mask, collar and cast! Mother, please!" Then I sat up and that was enough for Princess. It spooked her out...lol. It spooked ME out to hear it! Princess then escaped to ICU's waiting room. Nobody told me about this...lol.

I have no idea what was up with that, but I said lots of things that made no sense and had a mild brain trauma and was on heavy duty drugs.

But Mother????

Heck, if she were still alive, she wouldn't have concerned herself with something like my serious car accident. Why would my sub-conscious have me think she was there?

Oh, w ell. Thought I'd just check in about that. I feel like laughing.


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It is so touchingly sweet, this story. I can see how Princess got frightened.

To me it shows how nourished we have been by our children. How healing has been loving our children. Even those mother wounds.


New Leaf

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When my Dad had his stroke, he saw all sorts of things. He was very perplexed and frightened and had a permanent frown affixed. He was normally a very smiling person. We called this his " Captain Ahab" period.
We could see him struggling to come out of his brain injured state. It was a very frightening time. When my sister would visit, he would concoct all kinds of escape methods and beg her to free him. His arms had to be tied down, he would try to rip out his lines. He would point to the rolling laundry bin and tell her to put him in it and on the elevator then take him home.
He had a fear of the sharps bin on the wall. Point to it and exclaim "You see that thing Leafy? It is evil."
I had come from Hawaii, to be with him. I made up the chair-bed and stayed nights over, holding his hand. If I let go, he would reach for me...it was a scary time, but there also were some very surreal and tender moments...... Then he slowly started to gain himself back.
Your post triggered those memories Serenity, it was a very difficult time for all of us, to see our dear father this way. I am sure it was so for your family.
Thank God, you are on the mend dear sister.
Thank you for sharing this.
I know too, when Daddy was in hospice and near his time, barely speaking, he looked up and called out to his mama.
She passed decades prior, a very painful prolonged death from breast cancer when Dad was just 11.
He was the strong, stoic, silent type, but I really think he was an empath protecting himself all along.
Continued healing to you dear.

Scent of Cedar *

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I was talking to Princess today and she told me that she walked in and I said, "Mother, take off my mask, collar and cast! Mother, please!" Then I sat up

I wonder whether it was a glitch in the way your injured brain was connecting your thinking and communicating.

When daughter was freshly injured Serenity, she was not able to track her own thoughts or emotions correctly. I mean, she would mean to say one thing, but some connected thing would be the word she would use, or the thought she would express. She would burst into laughter, or tears.

She would not remember having talked to me, or having told me what she told me. She told me things she would never have told me had her judgment been intact. Chain of consciousness kinds of things. I think it does not mean so much that you wished for your specific Mother Serenity, so much as that you felt such intense pain and you just wanted out of there, and you needed someone to protect and help you and got Princess' newly having become a mother and the way you love Buddha Baby all tied in together somehow.

What matters is that Princess was there, and did not lose her mother, and that you are healing, now.

Daughter was so discouraged that she could not trust herself to remember correctly, or to know what she had said. That was more frightening to her than anything and that passed, Serenity. It will take time, but everything is going to be fine, now.

One day at a time. Today is the day that matters. Not any other day, at all.

Daughter continued to heal, her thoughts continued to clarify and her emotions to stabilize, long after the time her healing was supposed to have been completed.

She is doing so well, Serenity.



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Thanks again, my friend.

In my case, I don't remember anything and did not when it happened. Weird. I barely remember anything of my first three weeks in the hospital yet when I was tested a few weeks ago for cognitive problems, I didn't have any and scored better at 62 than when I took similar tests (when I found out I had neurological differences) at 40.The neuropsycologist told me...no need to come back...brain function was good. In spite of the earlier amnesia which she said was "common with trauma."

It's very bizarre, but I'm not sure yet if I want to remember or want it to stay like it is.

MOTHER??? I probably saw her. I hallucinated a lot on the morphine and can remember some of my hallucinations, b ut not that one. It probably would have set me back a lot ;)