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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 654625" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Cinder. I am new to the site, so take my words with a grain of salt. My own story with my adult child is similar to yours....while I do not think and hope he is not using hard drugs, he may well be.</p><p></p><p>Just a few things: I do not necessarily believe you son is using crack. That was just too, too cruel. May be true, but may be a way to hurt you really bad. </p><p></p><p>Somebody told me this about myself: You don;t expect anything from him (my adult child.) </p><p></p><p>It took me a long time to understand and I think I really only got it when I found this site. I tend to protect myself with my fear. It gives me the illusion of having some control. But, at a cost.</p><p></p><p>Big surprise. If I have a little hope, I am less afraid, and I feel better. But get this: If I drop the fear, my son responds immediately and positively. Now, I understand that being picked up for theft this week...is not the harbinger of all things good. But, they cut him loose....He is having experiences that may lead to learning....and to change. That is a good thing.</p><p></p><p>He is not your baby anymore. See if you can find some stuff on the site about detachment parenting. I forget who is the expert. The concept is brilliant. It shows how we can change, so we can get the pressure of our needs---off of our kids.</p><p></p><p>I know well a man who was an alcoholic for 40 years. He changed. One day he decided to never drink again. Our kids may change too. Maybe they won't, but maybe they will.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 654625, member: 18958"] Hi Cinder. I am new to the site, so take my words with a grain of salt. My own story with my adult child is similar to yours....while I do not think and hope he is not using hard drugs, he may well be. Just a few things: I do not necessarily believe you son is using crack. That was just too, too cruel. May be true, but may be a way to hurt you really bad. Somebody told me this about myself: You don;t expect anything from him (my adult child.) It took me a long time to understand and I think I really only got it when I found this site. I tend to protect myself with my fear. It gives me the illusion of having some control. But, at a cost. Big surprise. If I have a little hope, I am less afraid, and I feel better. But get this: If I drop the fear, my son responds immediately and positively. Now, I understand that being picked up for theft this week...is not the harbinger of all things good. But, they cut him loose....He is having experiences that may lead to learning....and to change. That is a good thing. He is not your baby anymore. See if you can find some stuff on the site about detachment parenting. I forget who is the expert. The concept is brilliant. It shows how we can change, so we can get the pressure of our needs---off of our kids. I know well a man who was an alcoholic for 40 years. He changed. One day he decided to never drink again. Our kids may change too. Maybe they won't, but maybe they will. [/QUOTE]
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