easy child and new car.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jody, Apr 29, 2013.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    My easy child has had a wonderful mentor, man that she calls Pops in her life for the last 4 years. They work out together every morning at 4 am and go to church together. He is the father that she never had. He has helped her financially with some of her school things, and her laptop, he provides all of her financial needs. She also works while in school, but its minimal, well today he went and bought my daughter a beautiful new Honda Accord. Bought and piad for it put it in her name and is paying her insurance till she gets out of college. She just completed her junior year. I do not know how to adequately tell someone who does such a thing thank you. He's in his late 60's and has everything, he is a deeply religious man as my daughter is equally religious young woman. I just have no idea how to thank him. What a crazy nice thing to do, a huge blessing. Now that I have shared the happy news, my difficult child is so jealous, she is spiralling out of control. I went to pick her up at her friends and she was seriously crying about her DADDY she passed away April 1st, 2012 from cancer. They were not extremely close but, her life literally does just suck compared to easy child's right now. Today I couldnt even get her to school, she was too tired and wasnt going. I cant really go anywhere out of town right now financial, or healthwise. She see's that her sister is been to Israel, shes' been on many vacations to Florida, Georgia, and now she's going to London next month. I told difficult child she might one day go to those same places or different places whatever she chooses, but it didnt seem to help any. One part of me is so thrilled and wants to enjoy easy child's blessings and then one side of my does hurt for difficult child, because I do know how she feels. I was like her as a teenager and my brother was the one that everything seemed to fall in his lap, not really but thats the way it seemed to me at that time.
  2. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Jody- did easy child work for all those trips or where they given to her? And if they were given to her was it you or her mentor who paid? These are all important things to point out to difficult child.

    But that's amazing a new car. Indeed a blessing.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I guess I'm cynical but... there's no way ANYBODY is buying my daughter a new car.
    She can earn her own. More than that, she NEEDS to earn it for herself.

    Scholarships (even private ones... where somebody who knows her "pays for" tuition or whatever) ... fine. You work for good marks, you are allowed to "earn" payment toward schooling.
    Trips... again, likely earned, and no issue.

    But ... I don't care what the background is, or how well I know the person. There is no way I'd want either of my kids getting that expensive a gift from ANYBODY on the face of the earth.

    On the other side of things? we've actually prevented near-easy child from a few things, because it wouldn't be fair to difficult child. All of us have had to turn down things (difficult child included... ). We're not dealing with a choice on difficult child's part (unlike some families... I wouldn't feel this way if the only significant issue was SA, for example)... difficult child has multiple challenges. There is a cost to having a disabled family member... and ALL members of the family need to step up and contribute on all fronts. (but that's just how WE do it... and have from the beginning)
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Jody, part of me thinks that's great. The other part of me thinks it may not be so great. Parenting is an itch and with-o knowing you guys personally, I'll defer to you. As an old woman however I fell compelled to remind you to be cautious.
    Hugs. DDD
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Part of me wonders if this older man maybe has a thing for your daughter. A new car? There are older men that fall for younger woman all the time. Mentor in what way? Why would he do this? The cynic in me doesn't know what his motives are.

    If not, it's great, but if it were my kid, I'd be worried a little bit.

    I agree that if your easy child worked for her trips and other goodies, just point that out to difficult child. If not, it depends.
  6. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I am in no way uncomfortable with their relationship. He is a great guy and honestly he just has the best intentions with my daughter or any child. He has helped out many people not just my daughter though not as much as my daughter. He is the most patient man I have ever met. A quality that I don't have. In fact, though we are not a couple, I think of him like the other parent. I think God just blessed us to have such a great guy in our family. He has also taken care of tennis shoes and different things for difficult child and helped me. He has a kindness that is seen by everyone. He doesnt have his own kids. He's retired from a job where he was very fortunate financially and still works for a Christian athletic group that helps other kids also. I believe that he does so much more that we will never even know about. He would never tell. But anyway I can understand your thoughts 20 year old young girl, and 65 year old man, hanging out together and him buying her things. He's just being a dad that she never had, the grandfather that she never had. He also took my daughter to Jitsu classes where she now has a black belt, so that she could defend herself. He researched the perfect car for her and yesterday before she brought it home, her took her to get a gps put in so she can find her way home. Just a worried parent type of thing. When she brought the new car to show me at work yesterday, he was with her. I told him I don't know what to say to someone who does such a wonderful thing for my daughter. He said oh geez, don 't start crying, it was my pleasure. He had tears in his eyes. He wants me to make him some spinach chips. So tonight we are making assorted spinach chips for him, and some other healthy stuff that he likes. easy child said I think that I don't realize it's mine, she said she keeps thinking she has to take it back to its owner.