easy child daughter and I are getting an apartment

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KFld, Oct 8, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    It has become more and more difficult for me to remain in my house during my seperation from h, so over the weekend I decided I don't have to live there if it's making me uncomfortable. I have been thinking about buying a condo and I know if this separation becomes permanent, that is what I am going to do. In the meantime I was telling my sister in law what I was thinking of doing and my brother in law, who is my h's oldest brother, told me he has the perfect apartment for my daughter and I. He owns an apartment building and one of the apartments just became available. We went to see it yesterday and we both love it. I decided it's a good thing to do because he will charge us less rent, no lease and no security deposit. He owns the house that my h is renting now, so he will move out of there and back home and we will move out and into an apartment. I am excited about this.

    I don't feel that I am getting the time and space I need while living in the house to really think about what I want to do with my life. He is there everyday because his business equipment is there. I don't have privacy and he's annoying me more and more. He wants to be in the house and I don't. So it's the perfect solution.

    The apartment is really more like a condo. I will have a garage, then you go up one set of stairs to the livingroom kitchen and 1/2 bath, then up one more set to two bedrooms and a full bath. There are sliders in the kitchen that lead out to a small very private deck. It will be perfect for the two of us. My daughter is excited about the move and it is a nice safe place for her to live. I was getting freaked out being in my house because it is so big. We have an 80 foot L shaped ranch and our bedrooms are on the total opposite ends of the L, divided by the familyroom and livingroom. I wasn't looking forward to being in the house by ourselves all winter and I also wasn't looking forward to being there for the holidays. I feel like I have something to look forward to. The best thing is because my brother in law owns it, if I find out I made a mistake, I can just move out.
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Sounds very nice!

    And if all concerned are happy, then it is probably a good solution.
  3. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Good for you, Karen. It seems like everyday you find out more about yourself. Isn't it exciting? Often I think some of us lose ourselves in being the same day in and day out. Routine is only good to a point. I hate being so predictable to everyone, but how does one change that?
  4. fedup

    fedup New Member

    Good for you and D. I am contemplating leaving the nest also. Hubby is just having too much trouble with anger management. difficult child is doing much better, and has found a place that suits him. I may be able to find something short term, but really don't have th money yet to set up an apartment alone.
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: PamelaJ</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I hate being so predictable to everyone, but how does one change that? </div></div>

    Maybe your husband could have an affair like mine, then you would have a reason to change :smile:

    Just kidding :smile:
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oooh, Karen, I love condos! Sounds wonderful. You GO!

  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    How wonderful for you and your daughter! I am sure you will love setting up a new place. It will be fun to focus on the things you need to do to make it yours. You will spend hours picking out colors and patterns and then making it happen. Painting, buying new things that were not 'ours' with your husband.

    It will be exciting!!

    This could help you find more out about you. More about what you want. More about what makes you happy.

    Just be sure to think about what these changes are doing for you. Know how it is making you happy. Know why it is what you want. Not because you are separated from your husband. But, because you are Karen.

  8. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    VERY well put, busywend!
  9. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    awesome news, moving will help alot, change of scenery and new start
  10. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I have the cheapie version of a condo. I live in a house trailer.

    I LOVE it! I own my lil' ol' trailer outright, but I don't have to hassle with any outside work other than picking up after my dog
  11. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I'm so excited for you. Maybe it is a good time to reconnect with your daughter.

  12. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I think that might be a very good idea. This way it will be YOUR own place and maybe he won't feel quite so free to just come and go as he pleases.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Ohhhhh more shopping in NYC....must have doo-dads for a new home.

    Congratulations of MEGA proportions. Maybe once you are truly away from each other it will give you both the time you need to make the best decisions for all.

    And the dog will get to STAY at home and not be carted back and forth. Sounds like a plan stan!

    Good on ya!
  14. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Karen - I know you want this, if it ends, to go as smoothly as possible, but please check with your attorney and at least get signed paperwork that you are moving out until your home is sold and/or refinanced and he will move in and live there until then.
    Your H sounds really unstable right now and I would hate to see you lose your rights because you were being the nice guy.

    I don't know the laws in your state, but if you move out of the home here in Ca. it may be considered abandonment, and you may not get anything out of it.

    My X kept comming back home for the longest time after he was ordered out by the courts and he acted like he still lived here -even down to taking showers, making himself food, and watching TV. Even sometimes brought his friends over :rolleyes: Its not like he was homeless, I paid the rent on his room in someones house, so he could cook, shower, and watch TV there.

    Congradulations on your new apartment though and have fun decorating :smile:

  15. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Sending cyber flowers for a house warming present!
  16. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Marcie, we already checked into all that when he was moving out. He was concerned about leaving the house and my not letting him back in. CT doesn't have an abandonment law. It's also a no fault, 50/50 state. No matter what, we have been married long enough to each get half of everything we own.

    I'm glad you are all excited for me. I'm nervous, as to be expected, but I'm also very excited. Especially after yesterday. H stopped by after I got out of work and asked if he could so some laundry. He has usually been doing it while I'm at work, but he showed up yesterday after work. I thought he would throw it in and come back, but he hung around, wanted to talk, started doing some stuff around the house outside and it made me very uncomfortable. He was here for close to 2 hours and it really annoyed me. I guess I'm too nice and should have just told him to leave, but that is one of my downfalls, being too nice.

    I feel I don't miss him because I haven't had a chance to. Getting into my own place on the other side of town will really show me what it's like to have a life without him and see if it's what I really want.

    My daughter is so cute. We went to look at a house my other brother in law has for rent, just to make sure there isn't anything better out there and my daughter kept saying on the way over, I know I'm not going to like it as my as our apartment. She's already calling it ours and she's pretty excited about it. As we were looking through the house which is very old, she kept saying, our bathroom is better, our kitchen is nicer :smile:

    I'm so glad she's comfortable with this. I think the two of us are going to be very cozy.
  17. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Sounds like a good step forward....changing surroundings can give you new perspective. Hoping the move goes smoothly....
  18. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Good for you & easy child, Karen! I moved out real quick too, when it became apparent DEX was 'just kidding' about letting me stay in the house. You are absolutely right, they retain some sort of territorial thing & just show up. Very unnerving.

    I was fortunate to be able to move into MY family cabin, (from my mother's side, 5th generation!) and I remember well the big sigh of relief I felt everyday when I would drive north out of town after my workday.


  19. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: PonyGirl</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I remember well the big sigh of relief I felt everyday when I would drive north out of town after my workday.


    Peace </div></div>

    That is what I am really looking forward too.
  20. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    it sounds good for you and easy child as well. I too am still very uncomfortable if I have to be anywhere my ex is. it has been 6 yrs since we parted and I still want my space from him.