easy child/difficult child is driving me crazy right now

[Wiped Out]

Thought I'd post so I don't end up yelling She does very little around the house to help-is very passive aggressive (in my mind). She just won't respond or will disappear when we've asked her to do something.

This morning I told her she needed to clean the kitchen (which is mostly dishes but a bit of picking up). I told her I was mowing the lawn and going to the grocery store. husband was taking difficult child to a movie to get him out of the house. She complained she couldn't because she was going to clean her room.

Mind you she slept until who knows what time? Then she was watching t.v. while we did all of our work (never did work in her room). I told her she was still expected to do the dishes. After dinner I told her enough delaying. All of a sudden she needed to use the bathroom which is a huge avoidance thing on her part.

husband and I told her every time we give her work to do she either has to use the bathroom, has a stomachache, or a headache.

Now she is literally standing in the kitchen screaming at intervals about how stupid I am for having her do the dishes. Then she screeches that her medications must not be right. She has one excuse after another.

Poor husband has had it with her screaming and is about to do the dishes for her 'cause he can't stand listening to her. I hope he doesn't but I did tell her if husband does them she is going to have a consequence. Problem is with her, she doesn't seem to mind any consequences. Drives me nuts.

When I asked her to stop screaming she said she can't because she is angry. I told her I was angry she wasn't doing the dishes but I wasn't screaming about it.

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Thanks for listening to me scream here.)

 

[KTMom91]

Didn't she just get her license? Pulling the keys from Miss KT was about the only way I got anything out of her.

 

[Wiped Out]

Thanks and it's a really good idea and I'd do it in a second if she cared. She doesn't ever ask for the car. She only takes it to school and she has to drop difficult child off first. In fact, we have to practically force her to drive. It's one reason I get so frustrated is it is so hard to find something she cares enough about!

 

[Wiped Out]

She has spent the past two hours mostly standing in the kitchen not doing anything. She screams every once in awhile. She just started doing dishes now (over 2 hours later). She says she isn't doing the kool-aid pitcher because only difficult child uses it (I told her it was included with the dishes). Now she screamed at me because I got a glass of soda which she claims I did purposely to make more dishes for her. Is she serious? I can't believe she is 17 years old when she is like this.

Don't know if it makes a difference to her but I told her if she doesn't do the dishes she will need to take the bus to school on Tuesday and Thursday which means leaving about an hour and a half before she needs to when taking the car and walking .8 of a mile. We really need her to take difficult child the other 3 days or I'd have her take the bus those days as well!

 

[klmno]

This might not be a popular solution, but I wouldn't have let her sit down and eat her dinner (at 16yo) until she'd done the dishes. That's one thing I could stick thru with difficult child- if he shut down and didn't do his part, I shut down and didn't do mine, in the sense of his chores and me fixing and serving dinner to him. Of course that might work better with males who have bottomless pits for stomachs. I'm sorry she's giving you such a rough time.

 

[klmno]

I just read your last post- Sharon, I think you need to put your foot down and punish her for screaming disrespectful things to you as well. Just MHO. You deserve better than this. And why isn't husband in there jumping on her case for talking to you that way after the day you have had?

ETA: I'm sorry if that sounded harsh- it just frustrates me that you deal with difficult child stuff, spend your weekend doing yardwwork among other things after working all week, and then have to deal with this disrespect and noncompliance on top of it. I feel for you and think your husband can be doing some things that are tougher than taking difficult child to the movies.

 

[Shari]

Wow. I'd be screaming with you.

TWO HOURS of standing in the kitchen avoiding the chore she was given??? Wow.

Too bad you can't find someone to give difficult child a ride the other days....that bus seems awful tempting to me...

 

[Josie]

I tend to agree with her that it sounds like her medications are not right. Does she have a psychiatrist appointment coming up soon? Has she been skipping her medications? The worst days we ever had with difficult child 1 were when we forgot to give her her medications.

Does she have a cell phone, IPod, computer time that she would miss? I would send my daughter on her way to her room minus her electronics if she was doing this. To me, getting her to do the chore would not be as important as having a more peaceful environment. If there was nothing she cared about, I think I would still send her off just so I didn't get more stressed out.

I have experienced a mental problem myself after I accidentally ate some gluten. (I know this sounds crazy.) It was like I had bipolar. I was angry and/or crying over trivia and could not control it. I eventually realized what the problem was and that helped me to feel better since I knew it would go away, but it didn't change that storm of emotions. I did the bare minimum of what I had to do for a few weeks until it went away. That experience makes me think that these kids really can't help it.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Sharon,

sorry easy child/difficult child is being such a, well, difficult child. Standing in the kitchen for two hours? Sounds like more than just wanting to get out of an unpleasant chore. I too think perhaps a medication check is in order.

Sorry your Sunday was so stressful.

Sharon

 

[DaisyFace]

Sharon--

Ugh!!! I could have written this exact post about my difficult child soooo many times...
And like you, we were never able to find a consequence that made any difference.

The therapist suggested that we only allow difficult child to use certain dishes, and those are hers to eat from and clean and if she doesn't clean them? O well, she eats on dirty dishes.
To me - that seems like a passive-aggressive solution to a difficult child problem. PLUS I know that difficult child would have no problem simply using everyone else's dishes with some excuse or another...so we never implemented the doctor's suggestion.

At this point, husband, DS or I do the dishes. difficult child is never asked...the battle is just not worth it to me...

BUT - when she wants to do some "age-appropriate" priviledge....I remind her that she has not been performing "age appropriate" responsibilities...and then I tell her that if she wants the priviledge...she must also have the responsibility.

So far, she has decided there is not a priviledge that she wants badly enough. This is OK with me - the only person "missing out" is difficult child and it requires no extra effort on my part to enforce...whereas if we enacted some kind of "punishment" it would be a lot of time and effort put into enforcing it.

I figure she'll eventually get with the program....

 

[Wiped Out]

K-That would have been a good idea yesterday to withhold dinner because it was one of her favorite meals. However, most days she would be just fine skipping a meal. Actually husband taking difficult child to a movie was a huge help! difficult child has been driving us crazy and needed to get out. I could have been the one to take him to the movies but didn't want to. husband also did all of the laundry. He did get on easy child/difficult child's case for all the screaming. Still he can't take as much of her screaming with-o just wanting to do it so he doesn't have to listen to her.

Shari-Yep-it ended up taking her 3 hours by the time she finished!

Hope-Unfortunately taking away things doesn't matter to her. She'll just go to her room to sleep-in fact-with her she would have preferred to go to her room. It was awfully tempting to send her there just not to listen to her.

Sharon-Thanks-it was stressful! difficult child has a psychiatrist appointment on Wed. I'll bring up the info of tonight so psychiatrist can't decided if we need to do a medication change. Luckily they both have the same psychiatrist.

Daisy-I agree that it sounds like a passive aggressive solution. Not to mention easy child/difficult child wouldn't mind that-she hates doing others dishes. I like the age appropriate thing but she is a lot like your difficult child in that she rarely wants to do anything.

She eventually got them done but only when husband helped with drying and putting them away. I told her she would need to take the bus T & T. She is so not happy with me right now.

 

[barneysmom]

Sharon, no advice (fried brain) but sending hugs and thought and support -- I can really identify with your scenario.

Jo