katya02
Solace
difficult child has been doing a really good job at home lately, taking shifts at work when asked, keeping his job, staying clean and sober, being more talkative and pleasant, etc. He and husband and daughter and I seem to have figured out a workable way to get along.
It was easy child 1's birthday yesterday; he and easy child 2 came home, I made a nice family dinner, etc. Some tension came up early in the day when difficult child told easy child 1 to clean up his kitchen mess ... I wasn't there and all accounts were different. Later, husband told difficult child that when the easy child brothers are home from school they don't have to do anything in the house - summer will be different, but when they're only home for a weekend their schoolwork takes priority. difficult child was offended and told me privately that he wasn't going to come with us to a movie later, that he's never going anywhere with his brothers again. Then, before dinner, he said his stomach felt sick and he wasn't going to eat dinner with us. (He sometimes does this when he wants to avoid family members and then eats later, at night.) He did come to the table and eat when dinner was ready, though.
difficult child was a bit morose watching easy child 1 open his 2 presents, wouldn't be in pictures etc. He didn't start a fight but his mood was a dampener. He said a couple of times, 'Can I leave now?' He's always been resentful watching other people have birthday celebrations; he says every birthday he's ever had has been terrible and everyone else gets better birthdays.
Finally difficult child got up and said fairly loudly, "Well, I'm leaving!" and went downstairs. easy child 2, who had been fuming, called after him, 'Good!!' husband got completely upset at easy child 2, yelled that difficult child is his son too, that easy child 2 is giving him a heart attack, and that this stuff kills him.
The whole evening was ruined; husband and daughter and I went to the movie, no one else would; everyone was miserable.
There's too much history, too many hard feelings between the three brothers, for any simple solution to work. I know they have to work things out as adults and it won't be soon. difficult child doesn't even seem to remember the stuff he did that his brothers resent so much, and he doesn't clue in to why they're angry at his current way of living. On the other hand, they don't acknowledge the progress he's made over the past months at all; they just want him moved out and gone from our lives. They are barely civil to him when they're home; if he tries to join conversations and tell anecdotes from his college time they're scornful - they just see his time as all drug use (his first semester was fine).
I've told them that I expect at least basic courtesy in the house but they skate around the letter of the law and still make their digs. on the other hand, difficult child tried to beat easy child 2 up the night before he left for college last August ...
How have your easy child kids dealt with your difficult children as they became adults? I don't have delusions that all will be wonderful, but we can't even all be in the same house without misery.
It was easy child 1's birthday yesterday; he and easy child 2 came home, I made a nice family dinner, etc. Some tension came up early in the day when difficult child told easy child 1 to clean up his kitchen mess ... I wasn't there and all accounts were different. Later, husband told difficult child that when the easy child brothers are home from school they don't have to do anything in the house - summer will be different, but when they're only home for a weekend their schoolwork takes priority. difficult child was offended and told me privately that he wasn't going to come with us to a movie later, that he's never going anywhere with his brothers again. Then, before dinner, he said his stomach felt sick and he wasn't going to eat dinner with us. (He sometimes does this when he wants to avoid family members and then eats later, at night.) He did come to the table and eat when dinner was ready, though.
difficult child was a bit morose watching easy child 1 open his 2 presents, wouldn't be in pictures etc. He didn't start a fight but his mood was a dampener. He said a couple of times, 'Can I leave now?' He's always been resentful watching other people have birthday celebrations; he says every birthday he's ever had has been terrible and everyone else gets better birthdays.
Finally difficult child got up and said fairly loudly, "Well, I'm leaving!" and went downstairs. easy child 2, who had been fuming, called after him, 'Good!!' husband got completely upset at easy child 2, yelled that difficult child is his son too, that easy child 2 is giving him a heart attack, and that this stuff kills him.
The whole evening was ruined; husband and daughter and I went to the movie, no one else would; everyone was miserable.
There's too much history, too many hard feelings between the three brothers, for any simple solution to work. I know they have to work things out as adults and it won't be soon. difficult child doesn't even seem to remember the stuff he did that his brothers resent so much, and he doesn't clue in to why they're angry at his current way of living. On the other hand, they don't acknowledge the progress he's made over the past months at all; they just want him moved out and gone from our lives. They are barely civil to him when they're home; if he tries to join conversations and tell anecdotes from his college time they're scornful - they just see his time as all drug use (his first semester was fine).
I've told them that I expect at least basic courtesy in the house but they skate around the letter of the law and still make their digs. on the other hand, difficult child tried to beat easy child 2 up the night before he left for college last August ...
How have your easy child kids dealt with your difficult children as they became adults? I don't have delusions that all will be wonderful, but we can't even all be in the same house without misery.
