easy child/difficult child's Thanksgiving

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Nov 28, 2011.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    So, easy child had a dinner roll for Thanksgiving. Yep, that's it, just one dinner roll. She didn't even get to eat her delightful dessert she brought to the gathering.

    She (and difficult child, though separately) traveled down to LI to spend Thanksgiving with her dad at her aunt's house. Her aunt and I used to be best friends but when I moved up to CT (18 years ago, aunt was mad at me and apparently still is???).

    easy child's cousin J had her flavor of the month join them for the holiday and I guess he's sort of scrubby. J is a Smith and Yale grad - very big education and makes a nice living and is 31 - she continuously sleeps around and is always hooked up with some loser and drinks and smokes pot and does mushrooms and is always inviting my girls to her parties (they each went once and never again after watching their cousin puke off the porch, nice). Anyway, easy child said J's boyfriend was touching all the food as it was being cooked and licking spoons and putting them back into the dishes - she just got grossed out and couldn't eat anything. She/difficult child also said J and boyfriend kept going outside to smoke pot and that the boyfriend kept slapping J's ass all day long and making crude comments - in front of J's mom and dad!!!! And the aunt just laughed it off, but everyone else just sort of looked on. She said it was horrifying how rude he was. difficult child said that the boyfriend kept using the F word and other colorful language all throughout dinner. Before dinner even began, easy child was disgusted and wished she didn't waste her time traveling down there to be with those people. difficult child tolerates these things easier and had her boyfriend (E) with her so they sort of stuck together; even easy child was hanging out with difficult child and E.

    But the worst was that auntie was being overtly hostile to easy child. easy child asked if she could help in the kitchen and auntie and cousin both said no so she went out to hang with her dad and watch football. Later, auntie and cousin came out and made a snotty remark, "Oh, what's the matter can't help in the kitchen Ms. I'm volunteering in Africa?". easy child was floored and couldn't respond. A little while later easy child, cousin, cousins boyfriend, and uncle were in the kitchen chit chatting and auntie started talking garbage about ME to the cousin, as if easy child wasn't even there. easy child interrupted her and asked her if she knew who she was, lol. Auntie just looked at easy child so easy child went on to tell her that she didn't appreciate auntie talking sh*t about her mom right there in front of her and she told auntie that she was a mean, bitter, rude person with no boundaries. easy child told auntie that I happen to be a fabulous mother and person and that auntie doesn't know what the hell she's talking about and that if she wanted to bad mouth me, she should do it when my children aren't present. And then she left the room! And that was BEFORE dinner.

    So, easy child sat through dinner and then left and drove back up to CT. She said she's done - she's not going there anymore. She was looking forward to hanging with her dad, but can't do it if she has to tolerate her aunt.

    Apparently, auntie has said stuff about me before (which I already knew) but the last couple of visits, either easy child or difficult child would tell her to shut up, lol. This was the last straw. The topic du jour? Auntie was ****** at me because I didn't invite her to father in law's memorial service in September. Now, why would I invite her?? She didn't know father in law or ANY of H's family!!!! She was mad because I DID ask a mutual friend to join us...the reason I asked this mutual friend to join us is because A) she is my BEST friend and she's close with both H and me, B) she knew a lot of the people there because she and H grew up in the same town, C) I needed someone there for support and she's always been a support for me! H honestly did want to ask exh to join us (he and exh were good friends growing up and exh knew H's family) but we decided it might be too much for mother in law to have my exh there, Know what I mean?? It was a funeral for crying out loud!!!! Who is mad because they don't get invited to a funeral service?? WTH?

    difficult child was not witness to the comments auntie made to easy child, but she had her own story to tell about cousin. Apparently, she told cousin off about her dirty scuzzy boyfriend...he was rude and when cousin invited difficult child to join her for a new years party, difficult child told her if the boyfriend was there, she will take a pass.

    I'm sad on so many levels. I wish that auntie and I could have the relationship we once shared but obviously that is not happening. I'm sad that easy child and difficult child didn't get to have the nice Thanksgiving visit with their dad that they expected (difficult child stayed over at exh's and they did have a nice visit though). I told easy child if she wanted to invite exh up for Thanksgiving next year to our house she could. I don't care, it will be fine if he comes up - we all get along okay. I hope I don't have to eat those words next year, lol.

    There is a part of me that wants to continue what I've been doing for the past 15 years - ignore auntie and take the high road. on the other hand, a big part of me wants to just have it out with her and get it over with. What would you do??
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wow. I am so sorry for the kids. This woman sounds very bitter and she must not have a life if she can afford to hold on to all these bizarre grudges. If you really would like the relationship back, you might have to be the bigger person and start the peace talks. If it will make it you fell better, have it out with her. If you don't care, leave it alone and walk away and support easy child in having no contact.

    It's a tough one. Personally, I would stop by their house unexptected, put my foot in the door if needed, demand to know what their problem is, and then help them process their irrational thoughts (ONLY if that's possible). If she is like a very few people I know, I would boycott them and let exH know that if he wants holidays with the kids, he comes to my house (since you all get along).
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Care to guess what I'd do? LOL I'd "accept the things I can not change" and try to hold on to the happy memmories of the past. Life's too short. Hugs. DDD
  4. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    I would agonize over the issue emotionally, talk it out with my friend, and then write Auntie a well thought note; being diplomatic, kind, and firm.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would go with DDD. She is a very smart lady!!!
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    This is what my gut is telling me to do. Let it go. My daughters are adults and I feel that they are old enough to make their own choices in who they spend their time with.

    When I left their father (because he was a coke addict and pot head) this woman told me in not so many words, "We will see when your kids are 18 and my kids are 18 which ones turn out better". Now, I may be biased, but I'm thinking that mine may have stronger characters, snicker snicker.

    I cannot really pinpoint what her exact problem is. She has called us (easy child/me) CT snobs and other types of names. When she came to my house with our mutual friend in the Spring, we were all having fun but she kept saying "It's so boring here, lets go party" or "How can you live here?" and other not so nice things about my house, about our town, about my friends, etc.

    Anyway, my gut is to just move on as I've been doing and not bother trying to find out what her problem is or set her straight...because honestly, I don't think it will matter!
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    This was my first thought!!!! H said to sleep on it, talk it over with my friend(s) and then decide. What I'd love to have done was drive down to her house, ring the bell and call her out right there and then! But I don't want her to have that kind of control over me and mine, nor do I want to expend all that energy on such a mean bitter person. It's just not worth it and it won't get me anywhere.
  8. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    Jo ~ are we sisters?
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What is that website where you can send her a pile of poop? LOL

    All of you who have control are so much better than me. Hurting me is okay, hurting mine just makes my blood boil. I want to seek revenge on a huge scale. I would be so upset.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    omg - THE POOP!!!!! I forgot all about it!!! Thanks for the reminder. It would be the best $14.95 I ever spent. Hilarious!
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Jo, I happen to agree here that she is just so not worth your time.

    Your kids are adults, and clearly they have made their minds up, too. Unless you're really interested in a relationship with this woman, I just can't see wasting the effort.

  12. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    It sounds like you and auntie will never have the relationship that you once had. Maybe you might want to have that, but it seems like auntie is still holding on to old resentments about you moving to CT and she will not be able to let go of that and move on.
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I really don't have any interest in maintaining any relationship with auntie. We've grown in different directions and really do not have much in common anymore. It happens. That's what it is for ME. For HER, it's something entirely different.

    I just wish she'd stop talking smack about me to my kids. But like I said, they are old enough to choose who they spend their time with. And I don't think she'd have anything to say to them that would make them hate me! lol.
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I still like the poop.