hi, hope everyone's well. haven't been on past few days. Well easy child has been off as of late for a while now. Yet she internalizes so you can't really get past that wall to see what's going on with-her. she does or did have that horrible boyfriend i posted about, who recently got caught stealing in town etc. whose been a nightmare for the past year and a half she's been with him. we knew he was trouble, and yet there was nothing we could really do about it. easy child is needy her self esteem is down, yesterday i was sitting in my rm. and heard banging and crashing glass breaking. it was coming from her room. so i went to check she was on bed hysterical crying, glass everywhere a dent in the wall just whole room a wreck. her and boyfriend broke up, and well there's alot to it yet at the end of the day she finally admitted how she doesnt' feel happy for a long time now, how she knows her choice in him was a bad one yet she still needs him so much or thinks she does and loves him. how she's so irritable and angry alot of the time. we knew all of this. yet had to wait it out till she wanted help. she's almost 18 the whole lead horse to water thing. long story short she told me how she wanted to kill herself, how life wasnt' worth living anymore, how she doesn't like anything about her life now. her best freinds' going away to college this summer, all her other friends also, she doesnt' know how to drive yet, a whole bunch of stuff. so, i did a sweep cleared out all knives and butcher block from kitchen, did the best i could in her room with-o her knowing. do i think it's real suicidal ideation, yes i do. i think she's depressed and finally admitted it and finally talked to me which she normally doesnt'. so, tmrw she's headed to difficult child's pyschiatrist with me to hopefully get medications an anti depressant. than therapy will start once i get a call back. her sleep's off, her appetite's off, all the signs are there and have been for a while. yet we had to play the wait and see game. hate that. difficult child heard her last night screaming and was like what's wrong with-her now? i said well she's sad right now that's all. i was a bit emotional last night yet i'm better today. she spent day with me we got stocking stuffers, had dinner together talked for a while and all her walls are down right now. she's actually rearranging our cabinets in kitchen right now. she isnt' used to being home so much and very bored. yet it's alot better than it's been past mos or so with crying on and off and irritability. i guess it's helpful to know that she is going to get help she needs.