easy child is 18...his dad is still a jerk

[flutterby]

I know that nothing magical was going to happen when easy child turned 18. The difference now is, that all of the **** that he pulled to spite me is now really hurting easy child, rather than just being one more piece of garbage I have to deal with.

It has to do with health insurance. easy child is covered by his dad's until he is 19.

I had to fight tooth and nail to get an insurance card from ex. The first time I got one was almost 5 years ago...and that's because I called his HR dept asking about the insurance, then child support enforcement called his HR dept, and ex was up for a promotion and they were asking him questions.

So, that got me an insurance card. Finally. What ex wanted to do was for me to pay the bill, submit it to him, he would submit it to the insurance, then reimburse me for half...and pocket the other half. See? Jerk.

We've only ever gotten the one insurance card. It is dated 01/01/05. 2 weeks ago when easy child went to get his eye drops filled, it wasn't covered and he had to pay $57 out of pocket (he's no longer on my insurance which is medicaid). He called his dad and his dad was like, oh....prescription covereage is now through X. You don't have that?

I don't know, Einstein, did you send it? The answer would be no. And the reason is just to spite me.

And now..that 5 year old insurance card? Well, things have changed. His coverage is BC/BS, but they now do mental health coverage through Magellan. Which, since we don't have a new card - and have never had any info - we didn't know. And guess what? therapist isn't a provider for Magellan. And we didn't find this out until today - about the Magellan - and easy child has seen therapist 3 times. Had he had a new card, it would have stated that on the back.

So, I'm calling ex and letting him know that he owes therapist $450 because he failed to provide the basic information so that easy child could make sure he was covered. easy child doesn't have the money and had we known, he wouldn't have gone to this therapist. Obviously.

Ex was just in town visiting easy child this past weekend. I think the 40" plasma tv that daddy bought him doesn't seem quite as appealing now.

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry you have had to fight for this stuff for so long. It should never have been in question. easy child may legally still be able to be on dad's insurance until age 23 if he is in school full time. It is something for him to think about. He will need to call dad's HR to get the facts. If dad drops him at 19, easy child will have rights to cobra but if easy child is in school then dad can't drop him then. Or that is what we have been told about Wiz. Wiz can decline the insurance at 19, but we cannot. It requires HIS signature. Of course dear ole dad could forge it.

Just let easy child know. You have to step back and let him handle it. I bet it really does cast a bad light on that 40" tv.

 

[witzend]

Some things never change. Especially jerks...

 

[jal]

Also you may want to see if his policy has a rider. Sometimes it's not just in school full time but also just the fact that easy child lives at home. My parents are still happily together, so different households and insurance wasn't an issue for us with regards to being separated, but I know when I was a college student, my dad's health insurance policy rider was for a child in school or living at home until the age of 25.

 

[witzend]

jal is correct. So long as he is in school, he should be eligible until he is either 23 or 25 years old. If I were in your shoes, I'd be calling the HR department again.

 

[donna723]

Boy, does all that sound familiar! I went through that with my son for years! He was on my ex's medical insurance until he was 19, but the ex just ignored everything he had agreed to do in the divorce agreement. He was supposed to reimburse me 50% of his medical bills for what the insurance did not pay - never did it, not even once! He was supposed to pay for 50% of his dental bills - never did it! What he did do is to take our son aside one day and ask him if he really did go to the dentist that many times or was I just trying to get money out of him! Yeah right! He still didn't pay. The ex knew that I would not let him go without medical or dental care that he needed - he just didn't pay me his half ... out of spite! And nobody would make him do it! The lawyer said the legal fees would be more than what I'd get out of him! And what griped me the most ... the times he went to the hospital (x-rays for sports injuries, etc.) the paper that I had to sign to give permission for him to be treated also stated that I had agreed to be personally responsible for the bills! I always added my own little addendum to those papers before I signed them, saying that I was only responsible for HALF of what the insurance didn't pay! So I know where you're coming from and you have my sincere sympathy! I was married to a jerk too!

 

[KTMom91]

Not all companies will have that rider to cover dependents if they are full time college students. Miss KT goes off Hubby's insurance at 19. Period. I don't know what she's going to do then.

Heather, I'm so sorry the x is being such a poop. I can so relate. And, as always, it's the kids that suffer the most. GRRRRR.

 

[flutterby]

He's not in school, so he does fall off at 19.

Donna - ex never paid his half of anything either. Before I had his insurance card, I had him covered (though, there were several years when he was young where my employer didn't offer health insurance and his dad wouldn't give me an insurance card, so I paid out of pocket). However, he was covered on his dad's insurance the entire time - he just wouldn't give me a card - and that would have taken care of copays, etc.

HR dept won't talk to me now that easy child is 18. And easy child won't call them. I'll just have to deal with ex.

 

[flutterby]

What a weird night. And I know it's not just the pain medications...

Ex called and I talked to him about the insurance and the $450 bill that easy child doesn't have the money for. It went well, which was surprising, but really he only has himself to blame for this one.

He asked for the contact information for the therapist, which I gave to him and then had to explain how easy child will have to let them know he will be calling so they will talk to him. He didn't seem to understand that they won't just tell him about the bill.

It gets better. Just wait.

I told him he would be talking to C. He then asks......wait for it....

"Is she white or black?"

*blink*

Me: "Why does that matter?"
Ex: "It does matter on how you handle things. See, I think these things through."
(Real genius...he's thinking things through. OMG)
Ex: "It's not like I'm not going to talk to her if she's black, it's just better to know in advance what you're dealing with. I think these things through."
(there's that statement again...I think I was supposed to be impressed)

*blink*

Me: "She's white."

I SHOULD have told him that she's black AND Muslim just to see how much of an [donkey] he makes of himself.

I mean, can you believe this??? I've known the man for 21 years and I'm just Just wow.

Then...he just kept talking to me. About politics - of which we are complete opposites - about my health - and he showed compassion, but brought up the great health care debate. After an hour, I told him if he still wanted to talk to me he was going to have to call me on the house phone cause easy child's cell phone was killing my neck.

And he did. And he kept going. And saying things like, "I think we agree on more than either of us would admit."

I just said, "Ok", in that I'll just say what you want to hear so you'll shut up kinda way.

In a way, I should feel guilty cause it's like debating with a 5 year old. The playing field is just so uneven. But, he's such a jerk, and a bigot, that I can't make myself feel guilty for having proved yet again that.....well.....that his IQ is lower than mine. A lot. You know, I don't get out much. I have to get my entertainment somewhere.

Then he said we will talk again soon. (Why???) And that if I need anything to let him know.

Somethin's fishy.

So, I asked easy child how his dad and step-mom were doing. I'd been down this road before with him...I'm not stoopit.

Thank goodness for caller ID.

OMG. Is she white or black? I've never even had that thought. I just can't wrap my mind around it.

I am sooooooooooooooooooooo glad I raised easy child 600 miles away from that man.

 

[witzend]

"Is she white or black?"

Who would even ask that?

(I know, I know. Your ex... )

 

[flutterby]

Every time I talk to him, I feel like I'm in an alternate reality.

 

[Cass1]

Wow sounds alot like my ex...but I still cant get over the black or white question.

 

[hearts and roses]

What a turd. I'm glad you raised easy child 600 miles away from him too. In so many ways, all of our exes have so much in common, don't they? My ex was supposed to carry insurance for my girls also. He quit his job so he could collect unemployment and that could be garnished by the state so he could work off the books as a shlub somewhere to make money - he really thought things through, I tell ya! I have had to always provide insurance for my girls and it hasn't been cheap. Turds, all of them.

I can't believe you gave him the option of calling you back on the house phone. Ugh. Is she black or white? Double Ugh!

 

[Shari]

Oh my. That one sure trumps dumb statements my ex has made! Tho my ex hasn't paid a dime for either of his kids, ever.

Black or white. What? Boggles the mind...really does.

 

[trinityroyal]

Heather, I'm actually laughing at your x's question. I'm wondering exactly what he would need to say differently, and would love to be a fly on the wall for the conversation that would ensue. I just can't imagine...

What a corn flake!

Trinity

 

[DammitJanet]

What would he have done if you had told him...well...She is tri-racial! Or Quasi-racial...White, black, hispanic and asian! LMAO. Gosh that would have confused him!

 

[flutterby]

Jo - I had him call me back on the house phone because he was telling me that he's so unhappy with our country that he's been looking at property in Guatemala.

*blink*

And, well, I just HAD to hear more.

 

[hearts and roses]

he was telling me that he's so unhappy with our country that he's been looking at property in Guatemala.

*blink*

And, well, I just HAD to hear more.

Yeah, that would have gotten me too! Hahaha - what a nut!