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easy child says I don't want relationship with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 65378" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Sue, you said it first, specifically. I think we're all in agreement here - Saying "sorry" does not mean a free pass.</p><p></p><p>Words are easily said; they cannot be so easily unsaid. You can't unring the bell. The moving finger writes... and so on. And that's just words - deeds are even more difficult to undo.</p><p></p><p>difficult children have done damage to easy child. They cannot expect the world to say, "That's OK, darling," every time they apologist for another of their sprees. Life is not like that.</p><p></p><p>A story from Australia, you can Google it online. I've met the parents involved.</p><p>Michael Marslew was a good student, in his final year of school, working at the Pizza Hut in Jannali to get some spare money. Then one night, as Michael was putting out the garbage at the end of the shift, some more garbage was waiting for him - a couple of young lads trying to rob the store (with a shotgun, I believe). Michael was shot through the head and died fairly quickly. </p><p>The perpetrators were caught and jailed. Michael's parents went on TV to describe their outrage at the senselessness of the crime - it had been badly planned by kids who should have already been in some remedial program somewhere and not out on the streets trying to get easy money.</p><p>But Ken, Michael's dad, wanted to go further. He founded an organisation called "Enough is Enough" and through visiting schools, talking about Michael and his plans, talking about how one stupid, senseless act of violence ripped all that away, did his best to turn around other kids. As part of his own healing, Ken wanted to meet and talk with the kids who had murdered his son. By this stage, the marriage had begun to crumble, at least partly due to Ken's crusade. Michael's mother was dealing with her grief in a different way. She did go to the meeting at the jail, but couldn't cope with Ken's approach at all. Nor was she as ready as Ken, to give the murderers a hug and to thank them for being there. She was still very angry.</p><p>I can't recall whether Ken said he forgave the murderers or not. I think one of them, yes, because he was trying to make something positive out of what went wrong; but the other one (I think) was less interested in changing.</p><p></p><p>"Enough is Enough" has moved into other areas now, a lot of it aimed at trying to head off problems with delinquent youth, but a lot of it also with victims of crime recognition. For Ken, this is how he puts to use the death of his son. For Ken's former wife, this is a travesty.</p><p></p><p>I will not say who is right and who is wrong in this - all I'm saying is they each have their own viewpoints and their separate reasons.</p><p>And it's the same for easy child - just because the SW thinks it would be good for easy child to forgive and reconcile, doesn't mean SW is right. And even if SW IS right, it has to be easy child's decision, when she is ready. If she is ever ready.</p><p></p><p>And the difficult children will just have to live with that - it is not a perfect world and they are far from perfect individuals. Life (and easy child) owes them nothing.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 65378, member: 1991"] Sue, you said it first, specifically. I think we're all in agreement here - Saying "sorry" does not mean a free pass. Words are easily said; they cannot be so easily unsaid. You can't unring the bell. The moving finger writes... and so on. And that's just words - deeds are even more difficult to undo. difficult children have done damage to easy child. They cannot expect the world to say, "That's OK, darling," every time they apologist for another of their sprees. Life is not like that. A story from Australia, you can Google it online. I've met the parents involved. Michael Marslew was a good student, in his final year of school, working at the Pizza Hut in Jannali to get some spare money. Then one night, as Michael was putting out the garbage at the end of the shift, some more garbage was waiting for him - a couple of young lads trying to rob the store (with a shotgun, I believe). Michael was shot through the head and died fairly quickly. The perpetrators were caught and jailed. Michael's parents went on TV to describe their outrage at the senselessness of the crime - it had been badly planned by kids who should have already been in some remedial program somewhere and not out on the streets trying to get easy money. But Ken, Michael's dad, wanted to go further. He founded an organisation called "Enough is Enough" and through visiting schools, talking about Michael and his plans, talking about how one stupid, senseless act of violence ripped all that away, did his best to turn around other kids. As part of his own healing, Ken wanted to meet and talk with the kids who had murdered his son. By this stage, the marriage had begun to crumble, at least partly due to Ken's crusade. Michael's mother was dealing with her grief in a different way. She did go to the meeting at the jail, but couldn't cope with Ken's approach at all. Nor was she as ready as Ken, to give the murderers a hug and to thank them for being there. She was still very angry. I can't recall whether Ken said he forgave the murderers or not. I think one of them, yes, because he was trying to make something positive out of what went wrong; but the other one (I think) was less interested in changing. "Enough is Enough" has moved into other areas now, a lot of it aimed at trying to head off problems with delinquent youth, but a lot of it also with victims of crime recognition. For Ken, this is how he puts to use the death of his son. For Ken's former wife, this is a travesty. I will not say who is right and who is wrong in this - all I'm saying is they each have their own viewpoints and their separate reasons. And it's the same for easy child - just because the SW thinks it would be good for easy child to forgive and reconcile, doesn't mean SW is right. And even if SW IS right, it has to be easy child's decision, when she is ready. If she is ever ready. And the difficult children will just have to live with that - it is not a perfect world and they are far from perfect individuals. Life (and easy child) owes them nothing. Marg [/QUOTE]
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