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easy child says I don't want relationship with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 65440" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Well, I agree that it's therapeutic for difficult child 1 to write a letter, and that she shouldn't be discouraged from doing so. I have been thinking about apologies lately, and I am more and more of the opinion that apologies should be about the person who is offering them. "I am sorry that I..." an apology. "I am sorry that I ... <em>but</em>..." is not an apology. </p><p></p><p>What an apology is <em>not</em> is a free pass to start fresh with no regard for what may have happened in the past, or an obligation for the person accepting it to forget the past.</p><p></p><p>An apology should be accepted, in general. "Thank you" or "OK" is good. </p><p></p><p>Forgiveness has nothing to do with an apology. Someone may be <em>truly</em> sorry for something they did in the past. That doesn't mean that you have to forgive them for it. Forgiveness is something you come to on your own. Or you don't. </p><p></p><p>Hopefully you move on. If you want to move on and keep that person in your life, you need to forgive to make it easier to continue the relationship. If you can't forgive - and sometimes you can't - then you probably shouldn't hope to have a meaningful close relationship with that person. I don't think that we get to judge someone else for not forgiving. We're not them. We can't forgive for them anymore than we can apologize for them. People live their own lives in their own heads and their own hearts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 65440, member: 99"] Well, I agree that it's therapeutic for difficult child 1 to write a letter, and that she shouldn't be discouraged from doing so. I have been thinking about apologies lately, and I am more and more of the opinion that apologies should be about the person who is offering them. "I am sorry that I..." an apology. "I am sorry that I ... [i]but[/i]..." is not an apology. What an apology is [i]not[/i] is a free pass to start fresh with no regard for what may have happened in the past, or an obligation for the person accepting it to forget the past. An apology should be accepted, in general. "Thank you" or "OK" is good. Forgiveness has nothing to do with an apology. Someone may be [i]truly[/i] sorry for something they did in the past. That doesn't mean that you have to forgive them for it. Forgiveness is something you come to on your own. Or you don't. Hopefully you move on. If you want to move on and keep that person in your life, you need to forgive to make it easier to continue the relationship. If you can't forgive - and sometimes you can't - then you probably shouldn't hope to have a meaningful close relationship with that person. I don't think that we get to judge someone else for not forgiving. We're not them. We can't forgive for them anymore than we can apologize for them. People live their own lives in their own heads and their own hearts. [/QUOTE]
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easy child says I don't want relationship with difficult child
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