gcvmom
Here we go again!
difficult child 1 had a lacrosse game at a school about 20 miles away yesterday and I planned to go. difficult child 2 said he wanted to come along. This meant that I needed to take easy child with us because she's 10 and although more responsible than both the difficult child's combine, I couldn't in good conscience leave her alone from 3pm to 6:30pm or later (it ended up being 7pm when we got home).
I picked easy child up from school at 2:15pm. About 4 or 5 minutes into our drive home, I told her that we would stop off at home so she could unload her cello, grab a snack and then head out to pick up difficult child 2 a little early from school so we could get to difficult child 1's game on time.
INSTANTLY she started to protest. But I don't want to go. Why do I have to go? But I don't WANT to go! WHY do I have to GO?? And so on. She did not accept my rationale for taking her. I told her she could work on her homework on the way there, and when it was finished she could have her gameboy to play. I told her I wasn't going to force her to watch the game.
She was furious by the time we did get home and refused to get out of the car. I hate you mom. I hate you mom. I hate you mom. You are wasting hours and hours of MY time forcing me to do this. I tried my best to ignore and deflect the venom, went inside to drop off some of my things, check email (we had 20 minutes before needing to leave), etc. I asked her if she wanted a snack in the house. NO. I asked her if she wanted to stop at a McD's and get some fries (her FAV). NO. She stayed in the car the whole time.
We drove to difficult child 2's school, and she refused to talk to me, making no attempt to veil her anger with me. I told her that sometimes we have to go along with things our parents do whether it's convenient for us or not. That hating me was her perogative, and she was just going to have to try to make the best of the situation or suffer. That she didn't have to be so angry about this.
Nothing worked. She stayed in the car during the game (apparently she napped, too because difficult child 2 went to retrieve a blanket and said she was sleeping), refused to do homework, and continued to glower at me the rest of the evening -- all in all, she was an evil brat from 2:30pm until bedtime at 8:30pm!
I did my best to ignore it, but I'm concerned about this habit she has of getting "stuck". I've seen it before in husband and difficult child 1. She makes up her mind to be mad, and there's no turning back. She was prone to screaming tantrums as a child (I had a neighbor call me once because she could hear "easy child" (and I'm using this label very loosely now) from HER house, screaming in her bedroom because I wouldn't let her do something).
She also had a palm tree phobia when she was a toddler, which lasted up until about first or second grade. When she was little, she would get hysterical any time we got near palm trees. As she got older, it was only certain species of palm trees, and although she wasn't hysterical anymore, she was VERY wary and avoided them if she could. She seems to have outgrown this, but she still talks about it occasionally as if it's an anxiety that's still there, but one that she's controlling.
And a couple of occasions, she has gotten very wound up, almost obsessive, about doing certain craft/art projects she's dreamed up. Once she wanted to have a water fountain in her room. And I'm not talking tabletop fountain. She wanted to use concrete and rocks to construct a very large waterfall fountain -- had just the spot in mind on the wall in her room, too. Knew exactly how she wanted to make it, but got furious when I started to tell her why it wasn't feasible. That was about two years ago when she was 8 or nearly 9. And difficult child 2 was manic then and something in my head thought wow, this is a lot like something her brother would pull, but quickly dismissed it. I try not to discourage her art projects, but that one was just over the top.
So I'm thinking I need to really watch her as she's approaching puberty. I don't know many 10yo girls who have such strong drives and emotions... I hope she's not headed down a difficult child-path, but given her family tree, it would not be surprising either.
I picked easy child up from school at 2:15pm. About 4 or 5 minutes into our drive home, I told her that we would stop off at home so she could unload her cello, grab a snack and then head out to pick up difficult child 2 a little early from school so we could get to difficult child 1's game on time.
INSTANTLY she started to protest. But I don't want to go. Why do I have to go? But I don't WANT to go! WHY do I have to GO?? And so on. She did not accept my rationale for taking her. I told her she could work on her homework on the way there, and when it was finished she could have her gameboy to play. I told her I wasn't going to force her to watch the game.
She was furious by the time we did get home and refused to get out of the car. I hate you mom. I hate you mom. I hate you mom. You are wasting hours and hours of MY time forcing me to do this. I tried my best to ignore and deflect the venom, went inside to drop off some of my things, check email (we had 20 minutes before needing to leave), etc. I asked her if she wanted a snack in the house. NO. I asked her if she wanted to stop at a McD's and get some fries (her FAV). NO. She stayed in the car the whole time.
We drove to difficult child 2's school, and she refused to talk to me, making no attempt to veil her anger with me. I told her that sometimes we have to go along with things our parents do whether it's convenient for us or not. That hating me was her perogative, and she was just going to have to try to make the best of the situation or suffer. That she didn't have to be so angry about this.
Nothing worked. She stayed in the car during the game (apparently she napped, too because difficult child 2 went to retrieve a blanket and said she was sleeping), refused to do homework, and continued to glower at me the rest of the evening -- all in all, she was an evil brat from 2:30pm until bedtime at 8:30pm!
I did my best to ignore it, but I'm concerned about this habit she has of getting "stuck". I've seen it before in husband and difficult child 1. She makes up her mind to be mad, and there's no turning back. She was prone to screaming tantrums as a child (I had a neighbor call me once because she could hear "easy child" (and I'm using this label very loosely now) from HER house, screaming in her bedroom because I wouldn't let her do something).
She also had a palm tree phobia when she was a toddler, which lasted up until about first or second grade. When she was little, she would get hysterical any time we got near palm trees. As she got older, it was only certain species of palm trees, and although she wasn't hysterical anymore, she was VERY wary and avoided them if she could. She seems to have outgrown this, but she still talks about it occasionally as if it's an anxiety that's still there, but one that she's controlling.
And a couple of occasions, she has gotten very wound up, almost obsessive, about doing certain craft/art projects she's dreamed up. Once she wanted to have a water fountain in her room. And I'm not talking tabletop fountain. She wanted to use concrete and rocks to construct a very large waterfall fountain -- had just the spot in mind on the wall in her room, too. Knew exactly how she wanted to make it, but got furious when I started to tell her why it wasn't feasible. That was about two years ago when she was 8 or nearly 9. And difficult child 2 was manic then and something in my head thought wow, this is a lot like something her brother would pull, but quickly dismissed it. I try not to discourage her art projects, but that one was just over the top.
So I'm thinking I need to really watch her as she's approaching puberty. I don't know many 10yo girls who have such strong drives and emotions... I hope she's not headed down a difficult child-path, but given her family tree, it would not be surprising either.
