easy child's Letter (proud Mom moment)

[Hound dog]

Here is the email easy child sent off to stepgfg a few moments ago. Wow.

Thank you for your reply. I do appreciate it. I am fine, I’ve just been thinking about everything. It’s hard to suddenly deal with feelings you’ve suppressed for 6 years. I don’t know if you could imagine how hard that is on someone. I don’t know if you will like everything that I have to say to you. I don’t say these things to just be mean, but it’s some (not all) of the things I’ve wanted to tell you all these years.
It’s been 6 years since you ran off with Kayla & Alex without telling anyone. That is until we received the rude letter you sent to my mom a week later. We had discover your semi-empty trailer (the one with the dog **** in it, the broken toys, bottles, a crib sitting outside) to learn of you leaving. This was the day before my 18th birthday. I was supposed to be spending my 18th birthday enjoying becoming an official adult, instead I spent most of it in tears, filled with anger & resentment. On my 18th birthday, I ended up getting a tattoo for Kayla & Alex because I knew I’d never see them again.
Firstly, why did it take you sooooooooo long to finally contact someone from your family? You couldn’t let us know that you & the kids were still alive? For 6 LONG years we knew absolutely NOTHING. We were just left to wonder. Wonder if you were alive. Wonder if you were dead. Wonder what happened to Kayla & Alex, whether they had been taken away from you, had been killed, were still alive. And wonder why. Why did you really leave?
Do you have any idea what you did to your family here? Do you care? Until recently you were dead to me. I have a lot of anger issues towards you, even more so now that I’m a mother. Nichole has dealt with a ton of abandonment issues since you left. Travis never fully understood, but was devastated that he would no longer see Kayla & Alex. You put my mom through hell, to put it mildly. Not only did she care for you as a daughter, and loved you the same, but she loved your kids as much (if not more) than any other grandmother would. Our dad, you know how he is with emotions, but you could tell how upset he was. And lastly, Grandma was not only upset with you, but disappointed as well. Oh well, we’re just your family…..who cares, right?
As a mother myself, I can’t understand your decisions. I can’t understand how you lived in the filth that you called home when you lived here. I can’t understand how a newborn could roll or jump out of an infant swing. I don’t understand how you could just take off to live with your kids in a car. It makes my anger even worse.
You were such a manipulator while you were here. You not only used Grandma Elise, my mom, our dad, your siblings, but you also used people like your case worker and your babysitter. Telling them that we weren’t getting you or Kayla or Alex anything for Christmas. Painting my mom & our dad out as horrible people. Because you know, they didn’t help you move out here, didn’t let you live with them, didn’t help you find an apartment, didn’t help you find any public services, didn’t provide you with food, clothes, or necessities for your kids (even though they barely had the money to provide for themselves)….did they? Not according to you.
And back to that letter to my mom. What the hell was that? Your way of thanking her for everything? Yes she went to Children’s Services (and told you so) when you moved out of your apartment at Cedar Woods. Your apartment was DISGUSTING! I have never seen anything quite like it in my life (next to your trailer that is). She didn’t do anything behind your back, nor did she do anything that gave you the right to write such a horrible letter. She cared about you but put your kids first (something you should have done). You have every right to live the way you were, in filth & doing drugs. But your kids had every right to live with a good family away from drugs & filth, whether with you, with our family, or with someone outside of your family. You had made that choice to live that way, they had no choice. To treat someone that way in a letter, was RIDICULOUS.
To be honest, I don’t care if you were mad at my mom. You could have let someone know that you were still alive & your kids were too, before 6 years.
I don’t know how to take your newfound interest in your family out here. All of a sudden you want a relationship? Why did you contact Nichole first? What about me, or Travis? Or you know, my mom, our dad, or Grandma Elise? Did you think Nichole didn’t remember everything? I have trouble believing it’s sincere & that you’re not just fishing for handouts.
I really hope you are sincere & want to be in contact with your family. I hope that you do have Kayla & Alex & that they & you are well. I hope your little one, Evan, is also well. I am sorry if you are not able to provide for your family the way that you would like. I’m sure that is hard. I can’t imagine. I am sorry that your health is not well either. What condition do you have? On the same note, I am not able to help you. And if I were, I’d be very hesitant to, because I’d be afraid of being used again.
If you still want to maintain contact with me, even after this reply, I’d be happy to. But I don’t think we’ll ever be as close as we were before. As a kid I idolized you. I’m not that kid anymore.

She said it all pretty much in a nutshell.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Hope the email helps easy child move on....... I would imagine she won't be hearing from difficult child........... and if she does, it sounds like she will keep her guard up.......... Sorry she had to learn about difficult children the hard way........

 

[CrazyinVA]

Kudos to easy child. I agree, she probably wont' get an answer (unless it's an ugly, mean one), but I hope it helped her say what she needed to say.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Very good. I hope it helped to get that off her chest. Stepgfg ought to be hanging her head in shame.

The description of how the apartment and trailer were left hit home for me -- been there done that. A long time ago I helped my dad manage some rental properties. They were low-rent, but in decent condition, clean and safe. We had renters skip out just ahead of being evicted a couple of times. Dad tried to work with them for months and months, accepting partial payments and waiving late fees, etc., but to no avail. After they ran it fell to my lot to go clean the places up. One woman left a puppy behind. Her water had been shut off, and she left a mess in the toilet, so the poor thing had no water or food for a couple of days before I found her, still alive. I cleaned her up, fed and watered her, and took her to PAWS... But anyway, the condition those places were in had to be seen to be believed. Every horizontal surface literally covered with trash, rotting food left out, dog and cat feces and urine everywhere. And the stench -- I'm talking wipe Vicks under your nose and duck outside for fresh air every few minutes. Not to mention the roaches and fleas. Both times were in the summer, and I had to dress in long sleeves and pants and wear rubber gloves and face mask to clear the places out. I must have sweated two gallons a day. It took two weeks, and five times the amount of the damage deposit, to clean and fix the place the puppy was left in. I think I would die of pure shame to live like that.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Glad easy child was able to get all that out. Hope it helps her.

beth

 

[witzend]

Wow. That's a beautiful letter. I know most people wouldn't think so, but for her to be so honest and concise is a wonderful thing for her to do for your family. Like Crazy says, Step difficult child may answer with venom, but my guess is that she will write back a "poor poor pitiful me, why doesn't anyone understand?" note.

 

[Hound dog]

I also thought the letter was beautiful. It's not easy to covey those types of feelings and such without getting ugly.

Unknown to me, Nichole had also sent her own email off to stepgfg. Being Nichole, she did not sugar coat a thing. Hers was similar to easy child's except that she told stepgfg she needed to understand that she and easy child expect to to take responsibility for what she did, not waltz back so many years later and expect everyone to be gushing over her.

Stepgfg did write back to Nichole that she wasn't wanting anything. That her statements about the kids needing things and such were just because things are tough right now, not because she wanted Nichole to feel sorry for her.
I'm sure stepgfg is feeling very attacked tonight. More than likely feeling very sorry for herself, although both girls told her they wouldn't mind to continue talking with her.

*sigh*

I doubt we'll hear from her again either. Unless, of course, she honestly wants to rebuild family relationships.

4

 

[janebrain]

Hi Lisa,
what a great letter! I am so glad both Nichole and easy child are able to set their boundaries and hope it helps them to be able to move on. It will be interesting to see if stepgfg contacts them again. Let us know!
Hugs,
Jane

 

[hearts and roses]

I think it's excellent how perfectly worded all of easy child's feelings were. It was a well written letter, not all over the place with facts and feelings. I think that no matter how it's received by difficult child, this letter was way more important for easy child. I'm glad for all of you.

 

[Star*]

So this is your kid that doesn't just get to the point?

WOW!
Can't wait to see the reply - really!

BRAVO easy child - well done!