Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Kjs, Nov 3, 2008.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    questions, thoughts, advice..

    About 5 years ago I was going through a very difficult time at my job (of 18 years. supervisor) and altimately lost my job. husband's company was bought out and shut down. difficult child was at the height of his gfgness, and easy child was in college and had to quit due to money. Almost lost the house.

    I broke out in severe exzema. No idea why. Stress???? would that cause it? AFter many dr. appointments and different medication I ended up with light treatment. dr. had me take something to make my skin sensitive to light. After a few treatments it was gone. Never to return.

    The last few months, easy child has been super itchy. Looks like he broke out with the same. He has tried benadryl, topical ointments with no relief. He doesn't live at home, has a crummy job, bill collectors up in his face. He is going through a really rough time and has decided not to talk to me. It breaks my heart and I miss him every single day.
    Could this be stress? He has no insurance and cannot afford to go to the doctor. I text him, I email him with no response. I call him and he doesn't answer. I leave him messages and he does not acknowledge. I miss him. I think I am in mom mode here. I want to take care of him, make him better but don't know how.

    He has never been like this. He said some horrible things to me. Like what a lousy mother I am...and much more.

    Do you think if I purchased tanning sessions for him and he did that, would that help the exzema? Are the lights similiar to that at the dermatologist? He would not have the medicine making him sensitive to light, but do you think it would help?

    This whole tiff started because difficult child, was difficult child and we fought. I would lose it and we would fight. easy child was here for some of it. Then he moved out. Still kept in contact with difficult child. Then difficult child texted him during another fight and easy child laid into me. Next time difficult child was having a meltdown he again text easy child. easy child laid into him. Now, easy child is again dating a previous girlfriend that he KNOWS none of us like. She is pretty, has a good job...but just does not treat him good at all. Stuck up...

    How do I get my son back? How do I help him.

    easy child would come over to do laundry when we were both working. He would eat too. (Leave the dishes) We began to notice money missing. difficult child's money, our little box for emergencies. My stash of coins. So both myslef and husband asked if he borrowed any money. He said no. That was the last time he spoke to any of us. And he and husband always got along and always spoke.

    difficult child just says "he'll get over it". But it has been a long time and I miss him.
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Instead of paying for tanning - why not offer to pay for his appointment. at a dermatologist and get to the real problem?

    Some of this - MAYBE (as an allergy kid) -

    Cheap laundry soap or bad washing machine - Needs to use Dreft or some other FREE detergent.

    Also change soaps - Dove SENSITIVE skin in the winter time will help you if you have psoriasis, ecema, just generally dry skin. (at any age)

    Shampoo should be a FREE of dye perfume, kapoc root - Nutrogena is good.

    His bed - get a mattress cover and vacuum the stuffing outof the mattress, FLIP, vacuum again a lot. Then a light solution of bleach and water to wash the mattress top and sides.....bed bugs are AWFUL and only get rid of by exterminating - not the usual embarassment they once were - they're resistant and coming back.

    With those things changed - if he's still itching THEN I'd seek a doctor and get a referral to a dermatologist. It could be the beginning of shingles -(AWFUL). DF gets psoriasis when his nerves are shot....he has an ointment that has steroids in it - when he uses that and it doesn't help then I know it's a yeast infection and it's from sweating. That requires a trip to the Dollar store for hydrocortisone -

    If Hydrocortisone isn't working - and he changes the stuff above - and still has the rash - more than likely it's yeast infection and you can get those on man or woman - ANYWHERE you have skin.

    Hope this helps
    So sorry your heart is so full and your arms are so empty. been there done that. HUGS
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Good morning,

    It can be difficult when they distance themselves. I do not experience on the level in which you do yet I can totally understand that it can hurt. I'm sorry.

    In regards to the skin condition, we all have it here. I'm going to tell you what works for us and what triggers it i hope that can help somewhat.

    cold weather for us triggers it and stress, def. I use Cetaphil cream on difficult child, benadryl never worked for her nor did any of the scripts the doctor wrote. Cetaphil in a.m. and before bed and sometimes throw calamine lotion on inbetween when it itches very bad. I've also learned that increasing vitamin c makes a huge difference and alot of water.

    In regards to the other and getting him back. Unfortunately you can't force it, maybe between the bills and other pressures he's trying to find his way thru all of this. Being out of the house, maintaining his own things, also still being a part of your family and speaking to difficult child and you to try to assist during difficult times. Also you really have to try to respect his choice in girlfriends at this point. That will only cause more distance.

    I'd truly say give it time, and be patient, you can be loving from a distance. Maybe send an email stating how very much you care and love him and that you understand he is going through a rough time right now you are there for him when and if he needs you, and maybe someday him and his girlfriend can come for dinner???

    Just my thoughts. Also I wouldn't buy the tanning sessions my experience is no with that. Natural sun can help assist during summer mos. and warmer weather.


    (((hugs)))) being a parent of an adult i'm sure can be very challenging
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I have had it all my life - so bad that when I was kid our prescriptions for cortizone cream came in tubs. Seriously. Then my mom read about the "Crisco kid", some kid who had it and his mom would give him baths in crisco oil. I refused.

    What has worked for me is showering everyday using mild soap (I happen to use Ivory, which everyone says dries you out, but it works for me because it's mild soap). Then I slather on from head to toe lotion - again, a non-scented mild lotion. I am currently using an organic store brand (365) from Whole Foods in the light lavander scent. Before that I used "Mineral Therapy" by St. Ives - also mild, but rich. I rub the lotion in all the way before dressing.

    In addition to the above, I drink plenty of water everyday - 6 to 8 glasses - and I take evening primrose oil (1000mg) and vitamin E (400 IU) along with my other supplements. This regime has worked wonderfully for me.

    easy child had eczema, but it morphed into psoriasis and it's really bad. What helps her is taking the oils along with a supplement of Turmeric.

    difficult child has it but refuses to listen to any advice about how to treat it. I am hesitant to just keep putting prescription creams on instead of trying natural methods first and she won't even do that.

    Eczema can most definitely be related to stress. When easy child is at her most stressed, she breaks out all over in it. difficult child also. The oils will help with that as well. And relaxing showers/baths followed by massaging the lotion in helps too. Oatmeal baths helps relieve some of the itching and soothes the skin as well.
  5. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Thanks for the advice. I think I will go buy some of those things and maybe he will stop over for them.

    He doesn't live at home, he lives with 3 other guys and I have never been invited to his house. No way I could do his mattress.

    I cannot afford to pay for doctor appointment. I know when I went for light treatment it was like $600 for 4 treatments. That was 5 years ago. I can't even pay my own bills.

    Seriously, he doesnt' speak to difficult child anymore either. And bringing his girlfriend over for dinner, I doubt she would show up. When he dated her before (a year ago) I thought he was gone, and made some comments to husband...turned around and he was standing there. ooops.

    I will get those things that you all mentioned. Maybe I'll put together a basket/bag of the items and put it on his front porch. (I think I'll leave the bills out of the basket) He still uses our home address so I get all his bills.

  6. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member conditions & stress pretty common here, I break out in chronic hives. After a visit with a popular Dermatologist, he gave me a combo of medications to keep it under control when I break out. He mentioned stress & skin conditions at that visit....Eczema being one of them. Hopefully the over the counter things you pick up will do the trick for him ;)
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I forgot to add.

    I think CHILDREN are the #1 source of hives in the US. :tongue:
  8. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Also a chronic eczema sufferer. Mine is much worse in the winter months. A couple of basic helps:

    I do not shower every day. When it gets really bad I can only shower about 3 times per week. I only wash the areas that really need it. I use an oatmeal based soap such as Aveeno. I also grease myself up from head to toe after every shower with- a good scent free lotion.

    Laundry soaps that have no scents - same with-fabric softeners.

    I have a humidifier on the furnace and run one constantly in my bedroom.

    I stick to cotton (no synthetic) fabrics.

    And when it gets really really bad I resort to pharmacological creams.

    The trick is to keep it under control and not let it get to the bleeding and cracking stage. Good luck.
  9. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I'm another eczema sufferer. Here's what works for me.

    I use a soap-free combination 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body-wash designed for children with sensitive skin. Made by L'oreal, I think. The moisturizers in the body wash keep my skin from drying out AND it works very well for washing my hair too.

    For moisturizer, I use nivea cream, or shea butter cream (with my Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) I can't stand the feeling of lotion). Both are very rich and goopy, and I rub them completely into my skin before getting dressed. I keep a small jar of the shea butter cream in my handbag and apply as needed throughout the day.

    Cotton fabrics seem to help. I try to keep my hair off my face and neck as the hair lotion I use makes my skin react.

    Like GG, I try to keep it under control so that it doesn't get to the bleeding and cracking stage. When it gets very bad I use pharmacological creams.

    Hope this helps,
  10. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    My easy child called me yesterday.:D

    He had some news that lifted his spirits. But, I told him I purchased some items (from your suggestions) and asked if I could drop them off. He then said....girlfriend is going to the doctor tonight. She has the same thing!!!!!!

    I asked if she broke out after or before him. He said after!!!!

    YIKES. There is no way he would let me in his house. A friend purchased this old house and has been fixing it up. 3 or 4 people live there. easy child's room is in the basement. I know he has allergies, but that isn't bothering him. I don't think the other guys would like it if "mom" came into the house to clean.

    I do not know the results of the doctor appointment. from girlfriend yet.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    kjs, my son has suffered with this in the past. His dr told me hot showers/baths can make it worse or bring it out. Also, antibiotics are bad for causing it, along with the things that others have already mentioned. It could even be a very dry heat if they have already turned the heat on in their house. FWIW, the dr recommended scent-free Dove soap for difficult child. Oh- and always wash new clothes and sheets before use.
  12. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Aveeno Oatmeal Bath soaks work wonders for difficult child 2 and 3. But the fact that he and his girlfriend are breaking out sounds like either (not being gross, just factual) bedbugs or the skin yeast infection. If he bought his mattress/bedcovers, etc. used - it's a distinct possibility.

    There are also several mattress companies out there that sell 'em cheap because they drive around, pick up mattresses from the trash, sew covers over it and sell them as new. Living in the basement doesn't help either because various molds and mildews grow in those areas that may be contributing as well.

    Good luck with the whole situation!