Eeyore got in a fight

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Dec 8, 2011.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Eeyore got in a fight at his after school activity. No teacher witness, two older boys pulled them apart before the teacher saw. The other boy texted his mom and she freaked out and called the cops -- 3 squad cars, an ambulance and a fire truck. The other boy ended up going to ER since he was complaining about a headache. Eeyore has a huge lump on his forehead but he was so worried about getting arrested that he didn't tell anyone.

    husband went up to the school since he could get there faster. He said the other boys mom was a screaming maniac at the beginning, demanding that Eeyore be arrested. Then, as the boys were interviewed, Eeyore's story was the same every time he retold it (the group of boys were bullying him, making comments about his girlfirend, calling him names and that the boy he hit called him a crude name and said that Eeyore didn't have the balls to hit him, so Eeyore did.) The other boy started with "I was sitting there minding my own business" and changed each retelling until he agreed that maybe he did say something mean.

    The cops wrote a report but did not arrest anyone and said that they consider it a school issue. The other mom calmed down after the cops explained to her that they thought her son provoked the fight.

    So, I have to go into school tomorrow morning (at 7 flipping AM) to meet with the asst principal and find out what Eeyore's consequences will be. I'm not worried as I met with the asst principal yesterday about how Eeyore was really struggling with feeling bullied and stressing out. He is a reasonable man. I'd expect a day of ISS and maybe a short activities suspension. He will take Eeyore's disability into consideration.

    Eeyore thinks he'll be assigned a 1:1 staff since he is clearly a danger to school safety. He thinks that it will be a permanent thing and that he will get all of his classes with this 1:1 staff in a private room since he won't be allowed around other students. (Talk about jumping to worst case scenario!!)
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    And the real bully... walks again.

    Glad the school admin is "reasonable"...

  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, that mom really did overreact--3 squad cars, an ambulance and a fire truck.

    This is exactly what happened with-my difficult child some time ago. A kid blocked a classroom doorway and dared difficult child to slap him. Luckily, it was slap and not slug. They both got detention and suspension. difficult child never sees the other kid any more and doesn't even know if he's still in the school.

    I hope your issue goes as well.

    I hope everyone is calm at your house tonight and you can get some sleep.
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Oh, InsaneCdn, the other boy is going to have to meet with the dean as well. Likely, he will also get punished since he did punch as well.

    Terry -- that is life in our little town, all calls get way too many vehicles responding (I think they are bored.). I think the fire truck was there in case they needed to waterboard any witnesses (lol).
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This what I mean about how things that would have been boys being boys 30 years ago is now suddenly cause for a dozen cop and arrests. 30 years ago the teachers would have tossed all parties out into the yard and told them to figure it out between themselves and they would have.
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Let us know what the outcome was.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Very grumpy boy this morning. This meeting should be interesting....
  8. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I hope that the assistant principal not only takes into account Eeyores disability, but also the fact that the other kids were bullying him. I know that that does not justify his actions, but if the other kid had left him alone, none of this would have happened.
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I actually dread this happening with Jett. He's strong... And he is getting verbally bullied. I did mention to his sped (there's more than one - !!!) that he was going to start wearing his glasses, and that might make things worse - apparently Jett had never mentioned anything to her, and it probably doesn't happen much in his sped classroom (1 period a day, 10 kids in there... :sigh:)... So she's alerting all the other teachers.

    And one of these days, someone's going to say something wrong and Jett's gonna beat the SNOT out of him/her. But - I keep all emails to the teachers, and this isn't the first time I've mentioned it. So... He'll get consequences, of course, but there's provocation.

    :hugs: for Eeyore. I understand all too well...
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    think the fire truck was there in case they needed to waterboard any witnesses (lol).

    Glad you still have your sense of humor!Good luck /w the mtng ... and I hope that Mr. Grumpy improves.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Years ago I worked with another Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) (who should have known about all of you) with two kids who have bi-polar and anxiety etc.... In high school her son was rounding a corner in a hall by lockers and a group of kids (another ethnic group) jumped him and he cut loose. They had bullied him for a while and back then, there was not so much talk about bullying and the zero tolerance stuff for violence was big. Because they had several (get this, doesn't make sense) they believed the boys story that he was a racist and attacked them! A teacher had come out and was a witness and said this kid was the aggressor. He had serious charges pressed, they paid tons on lawyers, and huge news articles were written about racism and how awful this family and kid were etc. This kid was on an IEP and supposed to have support and everything. It was a terrible time.

    Turns out, there was a video. The district held off releasing it until all this money had been spent. It clearly showed they hid and jumped him. The teacher was telling the truth AS SHE SAW it but it was a panic situation and she only saw part but insisted she saw everything. She was torn apart on the witness stand. This kid got off but only after terrible damage to the boy and his family. My friend was devastated.

    Do you think the news ever printed the truth??? duh, no. I always thought they should sue the district. Lawyer said you could not prove they did any of what they did intentionally. I disagreed but who am I they needed to get over it.
  12. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    UGH - I hope the meeting is productive. I'm sorry Eeyore was provoked. Kids can be so cruel sometimes.
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    How was the meeting? did it happen yet? hugs to eeyore! No one deserves this. Just got an ARC newsletter about more bullying toward kids with special needs. so tough.
  14. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Meeting went well. It was with the other asst principal (not the one I spoke with earlier this week). The AP walked Eeyore through what happened, step by step. When Eeyore said that he was just sick of the bullying, the AP asked him how long it had been going on, Eeyore said since Homecoming (2+ months ago).

    A brief clip...

    AP: Eeyore, I see you every day and I ask you how it is going...
    E: Everything is going great, except for the bullying.
    AP: That would have been something important to mention, don't you think.
    E: Oh, probably.

    Every time Eeyore mentioned another kid (since he wasn't sure about last names) the AP pulled up a picture of them to be sure that they were talking about the correct student (good thing, since there are a lot of "Mike"s at the school).

    The AP stressed that Eeyore did not deserve to be bullied and that what the other boy and his buddies did was wrong. He also repeatedly drilled home the 'you need to tell an adult' and the 'fighting is still wrong' messages. Eeyore felt supported and that he was being listened to by the AP. He also accepted that he deserved a consequence for fighting. The AP reminded Eeyore that this is not "him" and that he shouldn't let other's misbehavior push Eeyore into acting unlike his normal, great self.

    Final school punishment....Eeyore has 3 days of In School Suspension. He will be allowed to go to social work group, his teachers will stop by each day to ensure that he has all the work and answer any questions that he has, and he will take his English test while in ISS so this will not impact his grades at all (actually, it may help as he can get all of his study guides done, etc). While the AP never mentioned Eeyore's disability or IEP, it is the reason he gets the teacher visits and tests in ISS (reg ed students may only make up work at teacher discretion). I spoke with the social worker and she is going to pull him for an individual session today as well to make sure he processed this.

    He is currently suspended from his after school activity but not kicked off the team. After they complete their investigation (not just of this incident but of the whole two months), they will meet with the AD and the coach and determine the length of suspension, etc.

    The other boy is not in school today (they didn't say why) but he and his parent will be meeting with the AP later today. I'm sure we'll eventually hear his consequences through the grapevine but the AP seemed familiar with this kid so....(husband said it was clear to him that the kid was a difficult child but the mom seemed a bit in denial --but Eeyore did say she apologized last night for overreacting and calling the cops). I also found out that the principal and the other FOUR admins that were there last night were not called to the school to deal with this, they just happened to be there for a meeting and saw the police arrive. (Glad they didn't feel the need to call out the big guns for a freshman scuffle).
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    sounds all very appropriate, you must be so relieved. I am glad the mom admitted she panicked and over reacted.... I guess we are all human.

    and so good they know they have to provide his accommodations and school work. Like you said, might end up being a good thing just for a few days. I hope he is relieved. I also hope that these guys will not retaliate. But they know now he wont take it... I know it was wrong, but I do think people push till they know the person will stand up for themselves. A little private cheer for that...dont tell difficult child.
  16. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Wow, Eeyore's case manager already e-mailed me that he was going to pull him from ISS for 1 period a day so that he can review his work and make sure he is on track for finals.

    I love this school.
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    JJJ, I want your school!!!
  18. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    JJJ-So glad the school is handling things so well. The bullying stuff just burns me. Sounds like he will do o.k. with the ISS and the fact that he will get some "breaks" in his day.

    With my difficult child they seldom have been able to use ISS as there are no special rooms staffed for this and he is a non stop talker and will talk and distract them no matter what.
  19. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    You would definitely love our schools. We have ISS for regular ed kids and higher functioning sped kids. We have CIBS for kids who can't handle ISS (almost always a sped kid but available for reg ed kids if needed). CIBS = Crisis Intervention Behavioral Support: ISS with social work added and done with 1 staff and 1 kid in a office sized room (1 staff: 1 kid: 1 room). They can put more kids than 1 in there but (at least in our experience) they just call in extra staff and open more small rooms to keep the 1:1:1. They push in all services (social work, Occupational Therapist (OT), PT, SL, etc) and the teacher is required to send the work that the class is doing that day so the child does not fall behind. Even if the child would not normally get sw on that day, they engage in a crisis session to process whatever happened and develop a plan for handling similar situations in the future. They will also do conflict resolution between the students (if it was a fight, etc that led to the CIBS day)
  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That is so amazing. Sounds like they understand they are kids who make mistakes and need to learn rather than criminals or kids who are just punks. Really so sick or our district right now.