Eeyore kicked out of camp

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Aug 5, 2009.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Ugh. The camp is only 2 hours/day for three weeks (band camp) and Eeyore couldn't keep it together and got kicked out on day 3!!!!

    I'm so ticked because this isn't really difficult child-ness it is typical teen issues but his Aspergers makes it hard for him to "get" why the other kids goof around and then shut up when the teacher comes over and he keeps goofing around and only he gets in trouble. We've tried to explain it to him over and over but he just refuses to believe that parents know anything (again typical teen).

    So frustrated!!!!!!!!!!
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I understand this... Very much... Jett does this too. Nothing to add except hugs 'cause I feel for you... and him, too.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh, I'm so sorry for you both.

    Wee difficult child got kicked out of summer camp for behaviors that anyone who halfway knows him wouldn't even register as odd...and it is SO frustrating.

  4. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I'm so sorry!

    It's so frustrating when they just don't get it.
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Well, he's not just out of camp. He's out of the band. Since it was also one of his classes for the upcoming school year we had to stop in the office and change his elective.

    After the group of 3 kids got in trouble for goofing around the band instructor asked each of them "are you ready to pay attention and play music now?" Eeyore said "No"; he was told to take a seat and listen to the music. He walked out of the band room and slammed the door. So basically he quit but there is no going back.

    Eeyore is done. The only outside of school activity he has now is therapy and religious education(which he is likely to refuse to go to most weeks).

    I'm not signing any permission slips for him to be in any clubs at school that (1) cost money (2) have limited enrollment (meaning he'll take a spot from another kid that will actually show up).

    He is going to be the most bored kid on the planet.
  6. Christy

    Christy New Member

    I understand your frustration. I see so many camps and classes that my difficult child would love but he just can't hold it together for even a short time. He becomes overstimulated and can't shut it off just like you mentioned with Eeyore.
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm sorry he blew it, JJJ. Maybe this is a hard lesson he has to grapple with this year. And maybe after a few months of being bored he'll "get it". In the mean time, I hope you can find lots of constructive things for him to do to fill that void so that he doesn't drive you nuts!
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    JJJ, I'm so sorry.
    I've seen this time and again with difficult child. He's dying to participate in something, can hold it together for just enough sessions that we're no longer eligible for the refund of fees, and then blammo! he gets kicked out.

    I agree with your idea to have Eeyore participate only in therapy and religious education. He'll either be bored silly and learn from the natural consequences, or you'll find that the activities were just too much for him and he can do without them.

    Sigh...what a bummer.

  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, JJJ. When Miss KT got kicked out of band (for giving the director, that nobody liked, the one-finger salute), she was bored and drove me nuts the entire year. Hope Eeyore figures it out.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Well, it has been MY experience that most band leaders think they are equal to God Almighty - (not kidding). Their egos have no sense of boundaries. I'm sorry - but our experiences with band leaders have not been positive ones ever.

    That said part of me wants to just say - Fine, glad Eeyore isn't going to have to put up with such an egomaniac anyway. The other part of me, however wants to say -Music isn't something that should be taken away from kids - especially Aspies, and I would ask for a private meeting with the band director and explain that music is very important & that without it in Eeyores life (despite his quick and disrespectful answers) he needs it to be part of his cirriculm. Would he consider special consideration for a kid with ED? Then see if there is a high sign or something the leader could work out with Eeyore to let him know he's getting left of center.

    I dunno - I just hate that our kids - ALWAYS seem to not get what other kids get - when they get it....our kids don't.

  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Thanks Star. I did have a violin teacher refuse to continue teaching Tigger after a few lessons because he "never be able to perform in a concert".

    These band directors have tried to get Eeyore to participate even allowing him to switch instruments to drum line (he didn't qualify for drumline but they were hoping to keep him interested). He just makes it so hard to help him. I did get to talk to the drumline director. He was more upset than Eeyore and wants me to feel free to call him because music is important. I tried to get Eeyore to pick Choir but he chose Art instead.

    Just frustrated that Eeyore makes life so hard on himself....
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry this happened. I have to say I'm surprised he was kicked out permanently. difficult child has done similar things and never been kicked out. In our sd it isn't easy to kick a child out of a class. A camp, I understand a bit more but for the entire year?

    Hope Eeyore is able to learn something through all of this. Hugs.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911

    How old is E?
  14. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I've been doing this "thing" with difficult child 1. I don't know if it will help, but he's an extremely "visual" (for lack of a better word) learner. He was doing this "cutting up" bit CONSTANTLY and it was driving me nuts! You have to keep in mind that Aspies do this sort of thing to "fit in" and be accepted. Even if they claim they don't care, most do.

    Well, I started cutting up when he'd ask me to help with his homework, talking on the phone, talk to me about an issue at school, etc. I'd let him get to a point before he got too frustrated and say "how did that make you feel?".

    If he couldn't tell me, I give him suggestions: angry, frustrated, mad, that he's being under values, treated with disrespect and not important.

    The next question? "Do you think that Mrs. So and So felt that way when you and whatshisname were horsing around?"

    It's sinking in, slowly, but it's sinking in! ;)

    Good luck surviving the boredom! You're a better Mom than me!

  15. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    He was on the final straw for band anyway, this just broke the camels back. We tried explaining to him that you can't refuse to practice all year and then get mad when you don't know the songs for the concert. Now that it has sunk in, I'm glad he's done with band. I'm tired of paying money for him to do things that he just doesn't care enough to practice.

    I know the goofing around is his way of trying to fit in but, ugh!!! Thankfully the counselor for next year is the one man on the planet that Eeyore believes is always right so I'm hoping he can have an impact on him.
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911

    So what is his extra activity going to be now? - He has GOT to be good at many things - but what does HE want to do?
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    That is just it Star. He begged to be in band, he begged to switch to drums, he begged to play baseball, etc. HE QUITS EVERYTHING. Since we are not big on quitting, we tell the kids they have to finish what they signed up for, so he just gets himself kicked-out. No punishment we have come up with has kept him from doing it. Piglet begged us last year to let him quit cross country (she was also on the team) because he was embarrassing her with his behaviors.

    So, he is doing okay with Special Olympics golf and that is once a week for another month or so. Then Special Olympics Track starts in March. In the meantime, he has junior high church classes,which we no longer force him to attend because he can tear up a class and these poor woman are untrained volunteers. So, I have no idea how many of them he will attend.

    His therapist talked with him about it and she said she thinks he got himself kicked out on purpose because he (1) didn't like all the work he had to put into the instrument and (2) too many peers and he was feeling overwhelmed trying to please everyone because the kids laugh when he is goofy but the teacher gets mad.

    She said that peer pressure is going to be a huge factor for him. She's worried he will withdraw into himself to avoid it. (He has already said that he wants to sit alone at lunch rather than explain to the other kids that he can't share food because of the gluten-free, casein-free diet.)
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911

    J3 -

    Want MY take on it? (no? lol okay here it is anyway) HE NEEDS = a BIG brother. He needs a volunteer like City Year kid that comes in and hangs with JUST HIM, or a BB/BS or a Mentor - or an After School shadow.

    Where you live can you check and see if you have an organization called either Mentor or YAPS? If you PM me and tell me what area you are in I can check with people I know here that may know which organizations they have THERE that may be able to help him....(thinking out loud)

    I think Eeyore is lonely. The gluten-free, casein-free diet could keep him apart from the other kids - ya know, but if he had someone to talk do during lunch that would just ask him how HIS world is and how HIS day is going without making him stand out too much maybe it could help.

    When Dude was Jr. High age - I did not want a shadow following him around in school but I DID want ANYONE to come and get him from the house a couple days a week to give him SOMETHING and SOMEONE to look forward to doing SOME kind of activity with that didn't make him feel like he had to spend ALL his time with Mommy. I didn't realize that I did that. And like Eeyore - the people at church - well lets just say - we finally quit going because we were asked not to come back. Not a all.

    How about instead of him making a committment to a "something" have him go to the YMCA? They have family nights - (again with the being with Mom thing) but maybe there is a big brother thing there - where you could drop him off a couple nights a week - and let him just hang out with other kids without a permanent committment?

    How about a local Dojo - check with a karate instructor and just talk to the instructor and tell them upfront - he's not committed, not focused and is a challenge - could they allow him to do pay as he goes? I'm trying to talk our local Dojo into doing an evening 2 hour class for Autistic kids now and have explained that a class for ED kids would be a GODSEND to parents for just a ( ) window of time a week. They are considering a night.

    I don't know - I'm not very brainiac today with ideas...but...maybe someone else will come up with something that is just rolling up to Eeyores needs.
  19. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    been there done that JJJ.
    It's upsetting to difficult child but it is demoralizing to the warrior parent who wants so much to help their child find his niche.
    It's hard to understand why they beg for something and then can't keep it together. I'm pretty sure our difficult child's don't have these two thoughts in the same plane of his brain. It doesn't connect.
    Begging to be in the band is about doing what other's are doing that looks like fun. Actually doing the foundation work to get to the point of having fun is on another completely different plane.
    Once they get reprimanded they then meltdown and go teen postal. Which of course, shoots themselves in the foot.

    I'm sorry for you.