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Family of Origin
Elder Care & childrens care...guilt...choices...obligations..love..
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 644794" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm really baffled by anyone feeling they have to take care of all their relatives because the others won't do it. There are other options than one-on-one and all the time.</p><p></p><p>I already told my kids NOT to destroy their lives to take care of me.</p><p></p><p>You are not obligated to take care of your entire family, even if you love them. I doubt it is even possible to take good care of so many people. Somebody has to suffer.</p><p></p><p>Maybe you want to read up on "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I mean, at one time I had trouble saying "no" myself, but it wouldn't have crossed my mind, or that of my even very dysfunctional relatives, to EXPECT me to care for all of them. As bad as they were, they weren't THAT bad. I would have said no to everybody as far as long term care when I didn't have the credentials and I'd have felt it was on my head if something happened.</p><p></p><p>This so far out of the realm of what I'd accept and what even my "DNA collection would ask of me, I can't relate. I do feel your children are VERY needy and they are the future here. They need help NOW without the distractions or they may finally be too old to get the help. This chaos is not good for your Aspie daughter or very troubled son.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea why you feel responsible for everybody in your family when there is good out-of-home care, but really it's your decision. I just hope nobody suffers long-term because of this.</p><p></p><p>If you could get a job, and be around people your own age (something we all need) you'd feel so much more competent and the need for socialization would be satisfied. Maybe your kids would like you better too if you felt good about yourself. The thing is, no matter how many people you try to take care of, you still don't feel good about yousrelf and you are still very worried about your kids.</p><p></p><p>I don't have any answers because I am not in your head...I am different. I just hope for the best for all of you. You ARE a good person, but you are not treating YOURSELF good. I hope one day you do.</p><p></p><p>Take care! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 644794, member: 1550"] I'm really baffled by anyone feeling they have to take care of all their relatives because the others won't do it. There are other options than one-on-one and all the time. I already told my kids NOT to destroy their lives to take care of me. You are not obligated to take care of your entire family, even if you love them. I doubt it is even possible to take good care of so many people. Somebody has to suffer. Maybe you want to read up on "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I mean, at one time I had trouble saying "no" myself, but it wouldn't have crossed my mind, or that of my even very dysfunctional relatives, to EXPECT me to care for all of them. As bad as they were, they weren't THAT bad. I would have said no to everybody as far as long term care when I didn't have the credentials and I'd have felt it was on my head if something happened. This so far out of the realm of what I'd accept and what even my "DNA collection would ask of me, I can't relate. I do feel your children are VERY needy and they are the future here. They need help NOW without the distractions or they may finally be too old to get the help. This chaos is not good for your Aspie daughter or very troubled son. I have no idea why you feel responsible for everybody in your family when there is good out-of-home care, but really it's your decision. I just hope nobody suffers long-term because of this. If you could get a job, and be around people your own age (something we all need) you'd feel so much more competent and the need for socialization would be satisfied. Maybe your kids would like you better too if you felt good about yourself. The thing is, no matter how many people you try to take care of, you still don't feel good about yousrelf and you are still very worried about your kids. I don't have any answers because I am not in your head...I am different. I just hope for the best for all of you. You ARE a good person, but you are not treating YOURSELF good. I hope one day you do. Take care! :) [/QUOTE]
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