difficult child had been experiencing weeks of good recovery from the suicide attempt and suddenly has regressed to the living nightmare of a bipolar mood swing. There is a special kind of pain for a mom from detaching, then reattaching in hopes that things are really getting better, then getting shot down yet again. It has only been four months since she tried to kill herself so of course I am very concerned about her being alone right now and experiencing depression and clouded reasoning, all due to worries over debt & safety of military boyfriend. I have been crying for the last hour because as a result of this mood swing she announced this morning that she doesn't make enough at her job and might take a side job as a bartender. No problem. I asked where, and of all places it is the very sleazy strip club here in town. The place is notorious and anyone associated with it is thought very poorly of. What in this world is she thinking? She was adamant that this was perfectly fine. I knew then that she was not rational and still having the mood swing. I had to ask her to leave the house because it upset me so much. After a couple of hours I called her and offered her the usual kind gentle support that I have to give her during these times. But I can tell that she is still suffering from the mood swing and did not want to be around me. Just putting this down in words has finally helped me to stop crying. So thank you friends for letting me just express what I cannot express to anyone else around here. I'm not really asking a question, because I've come to the conclusion that there really is no answer. I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round and grasped the golden ring hanging down, and now it's slipped away again. So elusive.