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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 21909" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>In a situation of an emotional or physical affair when the offending partner agrees to cut off all ties, it is most appropriate for the injured party to be present during that phone call, written letter delivery, etc. </p><p></p><p>By the two people working together to break contact with the third person, it is reaffirming thier committment to one another, the relationship, and standing united in the face of the third person. It is important for the third person to know that thier intrusion is not wanted and that it is not okay to 'just be friends'. Likewise, it is also important because it forces the offending partner to truly break free from this affair. He (in this case your boyfriend) should want to include you in this for several reason: to show you that he's making a genuine effort and is not simply appeasing you; to truly make an effort to strengthen the intimacy within your relationship; and to recommit to the relationship with you. </p><p></p><p>If boyfriend does not want you involved at all, I would also be suspect. It's normal to be and I don't blame you at all for doubting his ability to break free from that woman. It's nice that he is a softy and feels bad for her. But there are a lot of men who love to feel bad for depressed lonely sad women and it's not boyfriend's job to make her life better. She's arealdy in counseling and it's not working - it may be time for her to find another group. It's been 5 years already, right? It's time for boyfriend to stop allowing her to cling on and stop being an enabler for her. And it's time for him to stop stealing intimacy that belongs to the two of you.</p><p></p><p>I hope it works out. I hope that you and boyfriend are able to build back your trust. hugs~</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 21909, member: 2211"] In a situation of an emotional or physical affair when the offending partner agrees to cut off all ties, it is most appropriate for the injured party to be present during that phone call, written letter delivery, etc. By the two people working together to break contact with the third person, it is reaffirming thier committment to one another, the relationship, and standing united in the face of the third person. It is important for the third person to know that thier intrusion is not wanted and that it is not okay to 'just be friends'. Likewise, it is also important because it forces the offending partner to truly break free from this affair. He (in this case your boyfriend) should want to include you in this for several reason: to show you that he's making a genuine effort and is not simply appeasing you; to truly make an effort to strengthen the intimacy within your relationship; and to recommit to the relationship with you. If boyfriend does not want you involved at all, I would also be suspect. It's normal to be and I don't blame you at all for doubting his ability to break free from that woman. It's nice that he is a softy and feels bad for her. But there are a lot of men who love to feel bad for depressed lonely sad women and it's not boyfriend's job to make her life better. She's arealdy in counseling and it's not working - it may be time for her to find another group. It's been 5 years already, right? It's time for boyfriend to stop allowing her to cling on and stop being an enabler for her. And it's time for him to stop stealing intimacy that belongs to the two of you. I hope it works out. I hope that you and boyfriend are able to build back your trust. hugs~ [/QUOTE]
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