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Emotionally Bankrupted
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 691799" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Jacquelina, I wanted to tell you to be careful and to try not to be so hard on yourself. It is the situation that is failing you, not the reverse. It is not you that is failing. To accuse yourself of being "emotionally bankrupt" is wrong and cruel to you. What you are is trapped, without support, and without real understanding by others who have not walked in your shoes. How could they understand, really? </p><p></p><p>But you, you do know how much you have tried, how much you have stood by your son, what has been the cost. So you do not deserve these hard words. What you are is tired and sad. And maybe momentarily you feel hopeless and defeated. But you rest, and restore yourself and you begin to try again. </p><p></p><p>There has to be a new relationship with you. A kinder and more supportive one. </p><p></p><p>Personally, with respect to trying over and over again to get son into apartments, programs, etc.--which over and over again he undermines, it is time to back off. Let him take charge in the way that he can.</p><p></p><p>There is an article on detachment on this website. Look for it. It will help you back off a bit. It will be good for the both of you. </p><p></p><p>What are ways you can keep contact with your son in a way that will be safe and supportive, and even sustaining, for the both of you? Are there public places where he feels less anxious? Somehow the zoo or a large public park come to mind. Or someplace in nature where there are people around. But I guess I am thinking back to where I was raised and no longer live now. It is my safe place (in my mind.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 691799, member: 18958"] Jacquelina, I wanted to tell you to be careful and to try not to be so hard on yourself. It is the situation that is failing you, not the reverse. It is not you that is failing. To accuse yourself of being "emotionally bankrupt" is wrong and cruel to you. What you are is trapped, without support, and without real understanding by others who have not walked in your shoes. How could they understand, really? But you, you do know how much you have tried, how much you have stood by your son, what has been the cost. So you do not deserve these hard words. What you are is tired and sad. And maybe momentarily you feel hopeless and defeated. But you rest, and restore yourself and you begin to try again. There has to be a new relationship with you. A kinder and more supportive one. Personally, with respect to trying over and over again to get son into apartments, programs, etc.--which over and over again he undermines, it is time to back off. Let him take charge in the way that he can. There is an article on detachment on this website. Look for it. It will help you back off a bit. It will be good for the both of you. What are ways you can keep contact with your son in a way that will be safe and supportive, and even sustaining, for the both of you? Are there public places where he feels less anxious? Somehow the zoo or a large public park come to mind. Or someplace in nature where there are people around. But I guess I am thinking back to where I was raised and no longer live now. It is my safe place (in my mind.) [/QUOTE]
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