amazeofgrace
A maze of Grace - that about sums it up
After the day i had today, I feel emotionally sucked dry and sick to my stomach!
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Like when he says how "un-Godly divorce is" and how "his love is unconditional, but mine isn't". How "he hopes I am honoring God in my decisions"
And the classic lines: "I do not understand how you still love difficult child's unconditionally when they abuse and curse at you, yet you do not forgive or love me that way" and "For better or for worse, means for better or for worse, even if your spouse is putting you through hell"
But the good news is, he realizes I do not want to reconcile, but even if I did, he harbors too many resentments about what I have done in the past year, so we can not reconcile or it would be bad for his recovery.
I started Occupational Therapist (OT) write him back, I am ashamed to say the 1st 3 tear stained drafts read "I love you, I always have, I always will" yadda yadda yadda and kept getting stuck after that with nothing else to write, I threw them away,
If he were truly trying to work his program and apologize, he would not be lashing out at you, and doing things that he KNOWS will hurt you.he is trying to blame me and manipulate me, and in the past it always worked, he even threw in about having a close friend there that is a woman, and it did bother me, he knew it would.
For now, I think you made the right decision to leave off writing. Give yourself lots of time to be still and quiet and listen to your heart, and to your gut feelings. Writing him may be the right choice, but it may just end up opening yourself up for more hurt. Only you know the answer to that. JMO, but I would hold off writing for now. Sometimes no response is answer enough.I may write him back, my counselor is begging me to let her write him back, she promises she would be "constructive" and "fair and balanced" But for write now I am not going to do anything rash.