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Enabling Gone to Far
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 664798" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>If he gets violent, at least in my mind, even if he's only sometimes violent, he lives somewhere else. That is my hard and fast house rule. The police are called and the adult child, who knows better, finds his own lodgings. Since he is still using drugs, along with methadone, it's not working. If it were me, I'm not rich and I'd stop paying. For all your know he's selling it to other users. He is not showing a desire to change his life and is blaming you for his own actions. He is 25 and if you blot out the face of that little boy who adored you, you see a grown man who is kind of scary. All drug users can be a threat for violence.</p><p></p><p>I would force him to leave. Demanding money for you wit the threat of hurting you if you don't fork it up is grounds for not only getting him out but getting a restraining order. Don't worry aoubt what you did in the past. The past is t he past. Today is the first day of the rest of your life and all that. When you put him out, change your locks and, just in case he breaks in, get a videocamera and hide all your valuables including bank and other financial documents in a locked firebox.. Carry the key with you. </p><p></p><p>If you wait for something to happen, somebody may end up in the hospital. Why wait? He has already done enough to be told to find his own place or not find his own place...but he can't live with you in peace. Give him a list of homeless shelters, places for the homeless to get food (there are many), maybe mental health centers that are low cost and then you have done all you can. Your old way did not help him. In my opinion it's time to try something new. It still may not work, but youu will be safe.</p><p></p><p>Then seek therapy for YOU, either Al-Anon or a good private therapist and learn how to be good to yourself. Chances are you have spent so much time on this adult kid t hat you have neglected yourself. YOU matter and it's time to be good to you. But getting hands on, real life help is very helpful for many of us...to keep us standing strong and to teach us coping skills.</p><p></p><p>When your son calls or texts, don't answer until things die down and don't give into emotional blackmail. If he says "I'll kill myself" instantly all 911. This is a serious threat and should be handled by a professional. My guess is if you keep calling 911, he'll stop saying he'll kill himself. It is often used for manipulation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 664798, member: 1550"] If he gets violent, at least in my mind, even if he's only sometimes violent, he lives somewhere else. That is my hard and fast house rule. The police are called and the adult child, who knows better, finds his own lodgings. Since he is still using drugs, along with methadone, it's not working. If it were me, I'm not rich and I'd stop paying. For all your know he's selling it to other users. He is not showing a desire to change his life and is blaming you for his own actions. He is 25 and if you blot out the face of that little boy who adored you, you see a grown man who is kind of scary. All drug users can be a threat for violence. I would force him to leave. Demanding money for you wit the threat of hurting you if you don't fork it up is grounds for not only getting him out but getting a restraining order. Don't worry aoubt what you did in the past. The past is t he past. Today is the first day of the rest of your life and all that. When you put him out, change your locks and, just in case he breaks in, get a videocamera and hide all your valuables including bank and other financial documents in a locked firebox.. Carry the key with you. If you wait for something to happen, somebody may end up in the hospital. Why wait? He has already done enough to be told to find his own place or not find his own place...but he can't live with you in peace. Give him a list of homeless shelters, places for the homeless to get food (there are many), maybe mental health centers that are low cost and then you have done all you can. Your old way did not help him. In my opinion it's time to try something new. It still may not work, but youu will be safe. Then seek therapy for YOU, either Al-Anon or a good private therapist and learn how to be good to yourself. Chances are you have spent so much time on this adult kid t hat you have neglected yourself. YOU matter and it's time to be good to you. But getting hands on, real life help is very helpful for many of us...to keep us standing strong and to teach us coping skills. When your son calls or texts, don't answer until things die down and don't give into emotional blackmail. If he says "I'll kill myself" instantly all 911. This is a serious threat and should be handled by a professional. My guess is if you keep calling 911, he'll stop saying he'll kill himself. It is often used for manipulation. [/QUOTE]
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