end of line

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Dory, Feb 18, 2018.

  1. Dory

    Dory Member

    Hey, I have been looking at this site since Friday, I am saddened that so many people are hurting but it is so encouraging that so many people have empathy,honesty about what's going on.
    I am not good with tech stuff ,I don't have FB etc. Hope I'm not in the wrong place.
    I really don't know what to write,to get my story out. There is so much to say.Am open for any questions.

    Finally my 20yr old daughter told/screamed what she thought of me.(she was diagnosed with borderline personality 12 mths ago.
    Looser,brain dead, addicted to medication,alcoholic,do nothing ,go nowhere,need to learn how to communicate,so many things I haven't said sorry for,own nothing Dad owns all,the reason she cut herself and has scares all over her is because of me,total embarrassment to everyone,never spent any time with her,bla bla bla.

    I am finding it difficult to tell you what I need to.
    I am bipolar,dyslexic,married two more children, have had my own businesses,renovated hands on a few houses,nursed my best friend with cancer for 3yrs, and a hell of a lot more.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hon....certain ly you know your daughter is just throwing out stuff to make you feel badly and that you are indeed worthy and kind. It is your daughter with the problem. I have/had a sister who kept taunting me that I have borderline. She did it to be mean and I feel she is the one with bad issues, but I take everything to heart and really studied up on this personality difference. Borderlines,from what I read, are so up and down and often abusive then maybe nice, but they can not maintain good relationships with stable people. It is often mistaken for bipolar but bipolar (the extreme mania and deep depression kind which is the kind most understand) is pretty controllable on medication and for the most part they are NOT that sort of abusive. Borderline is treatable only with the extreme will to change and years and years of therapy. Your daughter is just being borderline. You have the right to make her leave your house either temporarily or forever. It's your castle, your sanctuary. You do not have to allow her to abuse you this way. And I learned not to allow it. My son is now 40 and was always hard. At 20 he scared me and I made him leave. Fortunately his Dad ,my ex, could take him in. But I don't think he could have stayed anyway. He scared my younger kid. 20 is an adult. You g, but an adult.Some 20 year olds are serving our country. If they don't like us why get a free ride in our houses? They can get jobs and leave.

    Please don't take Daughter seriously and I always recommend getting therapy yourself to learn how to love yourself cope and grow. Therapy got me through a lot. I am in a happy place now but may not have known how to get there without my awesome therapist. Be good to yourself.

    Love and light.
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2018
  3. Tired mama

    Tired mama Active Member

    No matter what your diagnosis she needs to deal with her own. I would suggest you set some strong boundaries and if she doesn't follow them she must face the consequences. I was unclear whether she lives with you but first i suggest speaking to you in a respectful manner in person if she doesn't you will walk away and go to another room or go somewhere. If on phone hang up and don't answer for a stated period of time. I agree with sot above that you should get your own therapist if you don't have one. Good luck to you.
     
  4. Dory

    Dory Member

    I don't understand all this stuff on forum,sorry I am trying.
    Today I have found some peace, I wrote my daughter a letter,explaining I was sorry for the things I have said and for my actions in that horrendous moment of time.
    I also said that I have know strength left to talk about anything ATM .but with hard work and big guidelines I am looking forward for us both as adults and mother and daughter,we can learn who and how we